jazzfish

I just don't get it. The solution is so obvious - just don't drink. Why is it so hard to accomplish? I am getting so tired of trying.

visch1

Hi. When I eventually got solidly in AA I started to learn a lot about my alcoholism and accept it. I needed to get honest with MYSELF, that I could NOT drink in safety, attend a lot of meetings, stop rationalizing, not put myself into slippery places, ask for help and again know that if I didn't pick up the first drink I didn't have to get sober AGAIN. A bid factor in our slips is caused by our AV or shite fairy that is our director making us think in the direction of OK drinking and requires constant vigilance against. BE WELL

TexasMichael

Hello jazzfish.

Why do you have such a strong urge to drink at 6:30 in the morning?

For me that was usually after drinking late at night and waking up with a hangover. The early morning drink was to get rid of the hangover.

Once you break whatever cycle is controlling you it may make not picking up the first drink easier.

Reading SR is a good start.

jazzfish

I have no urge this morning, or any morning. My resolve is quite strong in the morning, but by the evening, it starts to wear thin.

I drank last night, had insomnia, and feel horrible this morning. The cycle needs to stop.

doggonecarl

For most of us, not drinking is just the first step, the foundation. The solution takes more work.

Sorry to see your struggles continue. Alcoholism is baffling. An insanity that defies common sense. An addiction that overrides willpower and motivation.

Why can't you stop drinking? I don't know. Only you know what effort you are putting into your recovery. But whatever you are doing, isn't working. What can you add to your recovery besides the use of SR? Something besides just stopping drinking.

TexasMichael

Fear, guilt, anxiety and insomnia are all parts of the after affects of alcohol.

I tried moderation so many times I can't remember. Always ended up drinking more. Which increased my negative emotions - so I drank more.

On work days I would always reward myself by drinking a beer on the way home from work. That set the mood for the evening.

How much are you drinking? What triggers your cycle?

jazzfish

Not enough to shock anyone, but enough to keep the problems growing and prevent recovery.

I think the "trigger" is 1) habit and 2) a desire to keep my options open so I can drink "normally" in normal situations. Some times this is insane. I once used the rationale that if I ran into an old friend (who I hadn't seen in 14 years), it would be good to drink with him. This was triggered by a FaceBook photo he posted.

Really, I think it is mostly habit and an inability to keep the reasons for not drinking strong enough in my mind.

aasharon90

Hi jazzfish, i'm Sharon. And an alcoholic
in recovery for the past 22 yrs. beginning
in August 11, 1990.

I lived in Houston close to Langham Creek
High School with my little family for about
10yrs before I returned back to my own
hometown of Baton Rouge a few yrs. back.

I was able to see the Woodlands a few times
because both of my kids were in Band and their
Auditions or performances took us there. Your
area is a beautiful place to live there in Texas.

Do you play music? I'm gathering that from
your name you either play Jazz music or you
like it.

I got sober here in Baton Rouge after family
did an intervention on me and I spent 28 days
in rehab with a 6 week aftercare outpatient
program tact on.

From there I clung on to what was taught
to me and sat in a many many AA meetings
day in and day out till eventually some of
those teachings began to stick.

At 7 yrs sober, we relocated to Houston
and I was scared to death and very much
resentful for having to leave my recovery
family and support system. Emmediately
after settling down some in a new town, I
knew I had to hook up to AA there in order
to keep my sanity and not pick up alcohol.

I did find a few meeting near my home
in the Bear Creek area but found myself
flying to a noon meeting way aways from
me. The drive was unbelievable on the
interstate with lunch traffic and absolutely
drove myself crazy with anxiety just to make
that meeting.

Anyway.....even tho I was miserably unhappy
because I wouldn't accept my new home I still
sucked it up and did all I could to remain sober
each day, even hooking up here to SR for added
support.

What I learned over time in recovery is that
I never ever have to go thru anything alone
by myself again. There are so many people
staying sober for long periods of time with
using a program of recovery and the fellowship
of others to help me and guide me every
step of the way.

Using this solution for the past 22 yrs has
helped me remain sober each day and will
be here to use for many more one days at
a time I continue on my recovery journey.

Have you found recovery meetings there in
your area to go to?

jazzfish

You're exactly right. I need to add in regular face-2-face meetings - something to make it more real.

jazzfish

Thanks for your kind words. I have found the meetings. I suppose actually going to them might increase their effectiveness.

Isaiah

My old sponsor would always respond to my queries like this the same way each time.

"Why? Because you're an alcoholic."

You've got a strong compulsion/urge to drink, same way hunger compels you to eat, it's something that can cloud even the simplest reasoning without a means of staying grounded. AA, AVRT, RR, CBT... all those acronymned programs and therapies all have one common trait in that they have means to help drunks like ourselves be more aware so we don't go into autopilot mode.

I think another thing, which doesn't get talked about in recovery circles as much as maybe it should, is practice. It takes time and focus to recognize when an urge is too strong or the path to the bottle too close. But it gets easier the more you do it.

visch1

Omg ! We have the same thinking process! This truly takes that hated word TIME. The way I needed to stay sober was meetings, meetings, meetings and when I thought I was tired more meetings. I never got much healthy alcoholic info on TV or playing games. Basically I did what I didn't want to do like back then I was given the job of washing the metal ash trays. It helped me to be a part of healthy non drinking people who understood each other. BE WELL