Stash

Every time I'm approaching another month sober, I get this high. I feel excited and proud of the fact I did another month sober. Then I crash. I come down from that high and begin to think about drinking. Mostly because I feel left out.

I'm starting to feel like no matter how happy I am being sober, there will always be that part of me that wants to go back to that life style and those thoughts scare me. I'm afraid of myself and all the " what ifs" and worse case scenarios I pay so much attention to that may cause a relapse.

I've stopped hanging out with friends while they're drinking again because I caught myself wanting to taste how strong their shot is, after they make a face of disgust while trying to drink their rum n coke. I sit there and think "I've had stronger shots I used to drink it pure". That brave Lil alcoholic tries to come out and play and it's my own fault for going back to that environment. I feel like I'm starting over, back at day one. I'm learning though. I know now that I can't be around it every other night. I know how strong I can be as well, it isn't easy walking away from drinks but I've done it and I continue to do so.

I suppose it's all trial and error. I think I need to start going to AA, I've only been once. I need to be more open about my struggles and hear stories. It's too much of a mind game going through it alone.

least

Sobriety milestones are often accompanied by urges to drink. Your addict voice is trying to suck you back into that lifestyle. Keep on resisting. Each time you resist that voice will get fainter until you finally won't hear it at all.

terry9

Hi Stash oh help I think I know how you feel ! I seem to think about drink at the moment all day-- it is so boring and annoying and I know people will say oh get a hobby , go swimming etc but I would still think about it swimming along !!!!! Ha I sometimes say to my husband --is that wine dry ? do I really care ! I just want him to say -- Here try it !!! Any way - that's why I joined SR a couple of days ago and already have found it an amazing help because we are talking to people who know and feel the same !!I ve not had a drink for 2 years and that's why I joined because my head and will power are going wrong xxxxxxxx hope you are ok and we are so much better than that momentary pleasure when alcohol passes our lips !!! MOMENTARY that can ruin everything ! xxxxxxx

visch1

"I suppose it's all trial and error. I think I need to start going to AA, I've only been once. I need to be more open about my struggles and hear stories. It's too much of a mind game going through it alone."

I find face to face meetings where people understand me very desirable. If there are disagreeable things that happen try to let it go, there are no rules. I would suggest several different meetings for wider exploring. The ONLY requirement for membership is a DESIRE to stop drinking, and you don't have to sign anything. BE WELL

wakko

I tried to do it alone many many times and failed each time. When I went to AA it kept me sober and as importantly happy

soberclover

I attend AA meetings sporadically. I usually find I want to go to a meeting when I need reassurance that I'm not alone on this sober journey. It is easy for me to isolate. I do not have many sober friends; I don't have many friends actually. Going to a meeting let's me know I'm not alone and that it is actually normal to be sober. My cravings are getting less intense and frequent as I approach 8 months; I think you have around the same time. It is true that things get easier!

Isaiah

I think it's something that comes with the territory, Stash. I don't think such thoughts themselves are an indication that you're doing anything wrong. I hear people with years of sobriety share similar stories at meetings often. What matters is how we accept and handle such thoughts; not having them at all is too far beyond our control, frankly impossible.

I find meetings helpful because you hear things that put your own sobriety into a richer perspective. You get a better sense of where you are and where you need to be in a sense.