Feeling disconnected from friends
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: California
Posts: 101
Feeling disconnected from friends
Hey guys, I'm a new member, but have been reading threads for a little over a month now. Today I reached my one month sober mark and am real happy about that!
This whole month has been an interesting experience for me, mostly because I have never taken time off from drinking that lasted more than a week. I guess you could say I was a binge drinking alcoholic. I could go days without a drink or even when I did drink, I might only have 1 or 2 beers. When it started to become an issue was I could go a couple weeks drinking moderately, but after a few weekends I'd just go out destined to get smashed. A night of me getting smashed typically consisted of drug use, lots of alcohol followed by tremendous feeling of guilt and feeling like crap for the following few days.
I'm 28 years old and when I was 21-22, I was a drug addict (meth). I was addicted for about 8 months and used quite heavily. I also had a bit of a co-dependent addiction because my gf and I would always do it together. Without going too in depth about this period, basically it took me to almost rock bottom before my gf and I decided to quit together. And believe or not, it actually stuck. But this time was always that dark period in my life. Now before I quit drinking, I found myself hanging out with a couple friends who always like to go out to clubs and do coke. This is where i found myself beginning to partake in it and just end up getting out of hand by the end of the night. Therefore the last time I did it, I woke up with a horrible come down, laid it my bed for hours while my heart was racing and just told myself I'll never put myself in this position again. I guess you could say, going from the drug addiction in my only twenties, it brings me A LOT of regret when I would do it.
Now a month sober and I feel better than I have ever felt. I have always worked out and played sports, but now I find myself improving in all areas of fitness. It's not just my performance either, but I'm now staying disciplined with a diet and can honestly say I look and feel better than I ever have before. Emotionally though, I've been pretty up and down lately. Mainly because I really don't feel any support from any of my friends, they all kind of see me quitting drinking as an unnecessary thing to do. No matter how I explain it, people just don't seem to respect the decision and see it as somewhat of a joke. I would lie if I didn't say that sometimes I wonder why I am even doing this, but deep down I just know its the right decision.
Sometimes I feel like I just want to get away and start from a clean slate. I've lived in the same area my whole life, most of my friends have been friends of mine since I was young, therefore it's hard sometimes, for lack of better words "reinvent" myself here. I'm kind of stuck figuring out where I should go from here? I work during the week, goto the gym after, therefore the weeks aren't so bad, but the weekends are horrible for me. I just find myself isolating from everyone. I'd appreciate any advice someone could give me. Sorry about my writing, it has never been my strong suit.
This whole month has been an interesting experience for me, mostly because I have never taken time off from drinking that lasted more than a week. I guess you could say I was a binge drinking alcoholic. I could go days without a drink or even when I did drink, I might only have 1 or 2 beers. When it started to become an issue was I could go a couple weeks drinking moderately, but after a few weekends I'd just go out destined to get smashed. A night of me getting smashed typically consisted of drug use, lots of alcohol followed by tremendous feeling of guilt and feeling like crap for the following few days.
I'm 28 years old and when I was 21-22, I was a drug addict (meth). I was addicted for about 8 months and used quite heavily. I also had a bit of a co-dependent addiction because my gf and I would always do it together. Without going too in depth about this period, basically it took me to almost rock bottom before my gf and I decided to quit together. And believe or not, it actually stuck. But this time was always that dark period in my life. Now before I quit drinking, I found myself hanging out with a couple friends who always like to go out to clubs and do coke. This is where i found myself beginning to partake in it and just end up getting out of hand by the end of the night. Therefore the last time I did it, I woke up with a horrible come down, laid it my bed for hours while my heart was racing and just told myself I'll never put myself in this position again. I guess you could say, going from the drug addiction in my only twenties, it brings me A LOT of regret when I would do it.
Now a month sober and I feel better than I have ever felt. I have always worked out and played sports, but now I find myself improving in all areas of fitness. It's not just my performance either, but I'm now staying disciplined with a diet and can honestly say I look and feel better than I ever have before. Emotionally though, I've been pretty up and down lately. Mainly because I really don't feel any support from any of my friends, they all kind of see me quitting drinking as an unnecessary thing to do. No matter how I explain it, people just don't seem to respect the decision and see it as somewhat of a joke. I would lie if I didn't say that sometimes I wonder why I am even doing this, but deep down I just know its the right decision.
Sometimes I feel like I just want to get away and start from a clean slate. I've lived in the same area my whole life, most of my friends have been friends of mine since I was young, therefore it's hard sometimes, for lack of better words "reinvent" myself here. I'm kind of stuck figuring out where I should go from here? I work during the week, goto the gym after, therefore the weeks aren't so bad, but the weekends are horrible for me. I just find myself isolating from everyone. I'd appreciate any advice someone could give me. Sorry about my writing, it has never been my strong suit.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 54
Incidentally I thought this was very well written. Stay strong, you're doing the right things. Take pride in your health and rebuild your social network around this new and improved you. I'm doing the same thing, trying to that is. It's scary. But really worth it. Thanks for posting this.
Brian
Brian
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Welcome 
By the end I surrounded myself with a lot of drinking buddies. They didn't much like the changes in my life either.
Stick with the people in your life who support the changes you're making for yourself - if that's no one, then maybe you need new friends TopFlight?
D
By the end I surrounded myself with a lot of drinking buddies. They didn't much like the changes in my life either.
Stick with the people in your life who support the changes you're making for yourself - if that's no one, then maybe you need new friends TopFlight?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: California
Posts: 101
I appreciate the feedback guys.
I do believe deep down that I need to stray from most of my friends. At least for awhile to truly find myself and to see what's right for me. What's weird is once I announced to a couple friends the choice that I made (due to circumstance of always making excuses not to drink), I felt the friendship alter right then and there. One friend in particular who is a heavy drinker, I knew this was going to borderline kill the friendship.
I'm now in the process of of trying to find some sober friends, as lame as that might sound. But when I went to AA meetings in the past, it just seemed everyone was a lot older. And as far as church, I've never really been a religious person, but I'm thinking maybe it might be worth exploring again. I just really don't know at this point.
I do believe deep down that I need to stray from most of my friends. At least for awhile to truly find myself and to see what's right for me. What's weird is once I announced to a couple friends the choice that I made (due to circumstance of always making excuses not to drink), I felt the friendship alter right then and there. One friend in particular who is a heavy drinker, I knew this was going to borderline kill the friendship.
I'm now in the process of of trying to find some sober friends, as lame as that might sound. But when I went to AA meetings in the past, it just seemed everyone was a lot older. And as far as church, I've never really been a religious person, but I'm thinking maybe it might be worth exploring again. I just really don't know at this point.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Originally Posted by cbsmith 
Incidentally I thought this was very well written.
I found early sobriety to be very tumultuous. Emotionally I was a wreck and I felt very alone too. I felt like I was the only one not drinking. SR was a great help in making me see that wasn't the case and I found it very grounding to come here every day. Maybe join a 'Class of...' thread for some ongoing support from your peers. I also started going to AA meetings after 3 months sober. I really felt I needed to step up the support I had at that point because I was far enough away from my last drink to start forgetting how bad it was. I stopped going to AA after 5 months or so but it was absolutely vital for me in that period and although I haven't been back in a while it really helps me to know they're there if I need them. I also met a few friends there
If you don't want to get involved with any recovery stuff then look into non drinking activities to do on the weekend. Maybe groups or classes?I found that very few of my friends understood what I was doing and why. I guess I wasn't entirely honest with all of them but I got a blank stare from people I was honest with so I didn't attempt it most of the time. I ended up avoiding most of my friends for a long time when I first got sober. I think some of them were wondering what was up with me, and I did feel really guilty about it, but it was necessary. I just couldn't cope with people. Other recovering alcoholics were the only people I could bear to be around. I started to compromise with friends and try and change our relationships somewhat by meeting them for coffee in the day instead of going out at night. Try not to worry about what your friends are thinking and just concentrate on what's right for you. Your true friends will still be around in a year or so. If people fall by the wayside then it is just meant to be.
Well done on your month sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: California
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by hypochondriac
x2
I found early sobriety to be very tumultuous. Emotionally I was a wreck and I felt very alone too. I felt like I was the only one not drinking. SR was a great help in making me see that wasn't the case and I found it very grounding to come here every day. Maybe join a 'Class of...' thread for some ongoing support from your peers. I also started going to AA meetings after 3 months sober. I really felt I needed to step up the support I had at that point because I was far enough away from my last drink to start forgetting how bad it was. I stopped going to AA after 5 months or so but it was absolutely vital for me in that period and although I haven't been back in a while it really helps me to know they're there if I need them. I also met a few friends there If you don't want to get involved with any recovery stuff then look into non drinking activities to do on the weekend. Maybe groups or classes?
I found that very few of my friends understood what I was doing and why. I guess I wasn't entirely honest with all of them but I got a blank stare from people I was honest with so I didn't attempt it most of the time. I ended up avoiding most of my friends for a long time when I first got sober. I think some of them were wondering what was up with me, and I did feel really guilty about it, but it was necessary. I just couldn't cope with people. Other recovering alcoholics were the only people I could bear to be around. I started to compromise with friends and try and change our relationships somewhat by meeting them for coffee in the day instead of going out at night. Try not to worry about what your friends are thinking and just concentrate on what's right for you. Your true friends will still be around in a year or so. If people fall by the wayside then it is just meant to be.
Well done on your month sober
I found early sobriety to be very tumultuous. Emotionally I was a wreck and I felt very alone too. I felt like I was the only one not drinking. SR was a great help in making me see that wasn't the case and I found it very grounding to come here every day. Maybe join a 'Class of...' thread for some ongoing support from your peers. I also started going to AA meetings after 3 months sober. I really felt I needed to step up the support I had at that point because I was far enough away from my last drink to start forgetting how bad it was. I stopped going to AA after 5 months or so but it was absolutely vital for me in that period and although I haven't been back in a while it really helps me to know they're there if I need them. I also met a few friends there
If you don't want to get involved with any recovery stuff then look into non drinking activities to do on the weekend. Maybe groups or classes?I found that very few of my friends understood what I was doing and why. I guess I wasn't entirely honest with all of them but I got a blank stare from people I was honest with so I didn't attempt it most of the time. I ended up avoiding most of my friends for a long time when I first got sober. I think some of them were wondering what was up with me, and I did feel really guilty about it, but it was necessary. I just couldn't cope with people. Other recovering alcoholics were the only people I could bear to be around. I started to compromise with friends and try and change our relationships somewhat by meeting them for coffee in the day instead of going out at night. Try not to worry about what your friends are thinking and just concentrate on what's right for you. Your true friends will still be around in a year or so. If people fall by the wayside then it is just meant to be.
Well done on your month sober
I agree completely with your first point. Support has been a key issue for me, mostly because not a lot of people are being supportive about it. Actually the only person that's really understanding me right now is my mom (ya ya I know lol). If it gets tough, sometimes a quick convo with her will do the trick. Even reading some self help books gives me a good moral boost.
As far as my friends, one defining point with some of them has actually been recently. A good friend of mine is having a bday party next week in Las Vegas. Hes getting a giant suite, cabanas at the pool parties, literally not pulling any stops. It was tempting to try and go and just not drink, but I just realized its probably not the best position to put myself in, even if I don't drink so I basically just said it's just too much money for me right now. He therefore makes my part even cheaper. At a certain point though, I just told him I don't want to drink and I don't want to be in a giant suite surrounded by 10 other people just getting smashed. I think this pretty much made the point that I'm playing by a different set of rules now and I'm not willing to compromise them. Reactions have definitely been mixed since then.
I am going to look into certain groups and classes that I might be interested in taking. I've actually been wanting to learn how to cook for awhile, it just might be worth a shot now.
to SR! Congrats on your sober month and here's to many more. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Norway
Posts: 169
I too tried to isolate myself from people, trying to convince myself that I don't have any friends, I'm lonely and depressed and I need to get drunk my myself. Saturday night showed that it was not true, I had ery supporting and understanding friends who in fact don't drink and don't want me to. They pulled me from my car when I drove drunk, got my keys and documents and called a cab.
I also called a couple of drinking buddies to help me out, but none of them arrived (what a surprise???). I'm writing this because we sometimes isolate ourselves from everyone in order to be miserable and use this as an excuse to drink.
I also called a couple of drinking buddies to help me out, but none of them arrived (what a surprise???). I'm writing this because we sometimes isolate ourselves from everyone in order to be miserable and use this as an excuse to drink.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Cooper Landing, Alaska
Posts: 19
Awesome post. I'm 24 and had a very similar experience with binge drinking and cocaine use.. Can't count how many nights I laid in bed thoughts racing a thousand miles a minute, heart skipping beats and extreme suicidal and depressive thoughts. Woke up the next morning feeling terrible and broke. First kicked the coke about a year and a half ago, then the alcohol will be a month sober this Thursday.
I'm pretty much in the same boat as you so can't give much feedback, just wanted to relate. I guess I might add that I am currently thousands of miles from home working in Alaska away from my home state of New Mexico.. I tried getting sober many times at home around old using friends and family and it just didn't work. Maybe it's time to check out new horizons and get away for a while, go travel or check out some seasonal jobs at a ski/snowboard resort or something. Maybe that's not an option I don't know you're situation. It's good to be in touch with homies but if they are on the same **** do what's good for you, and maybe try relating with them in different ways they will see you're trying to make good for yourself and respect that. If they don't they are not worth your time and energy pleasing.. And certainly not worth relapsing for. Just my 2 cent man. Sounds like you're doing real good, thanks for reminding me I'm not alone you got this man!
I'm pretty much in the same boat as you so can't give much feedback, just wanted to relate. I guess I might add that I am currently thousands of miles from home working in Alaska away from my home state of New Mexico.. I tried getting sober many times at home around old using friends and family and it just didn't work. Maybe it's time to check out new horizons and get away for a while, go travel or check out some seasonal jobs at a ski/snowboard resort or something. Maybe that's not an option I don't know you're situation. It's good to be in touch with homies but if they are on the same **** do what's good for you, and maybe try relating with them in different ways they will see you're trying to make good for yourself and respect that. If they don't they are not worth your time and energy pleasing.. And certainly not worth relapsing for. Just my 2 cent man. Sounds like you're doing real good, thanks for reminding me I'm not alone you got this man!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: California
Posts: 101
No problem!
Ya things have been going good with it, but I still feel that I'm in the figuring out process. As far as my friends, it's mostly come down to meeting up for lunch or getting together and playing poker. I'd like to be able to goto certain pool parties or lounges, but I'm going to take my time. Gotta get my feet wet first before I jump in head first to big social situations with alcohol around.
Ya things have been going good with it, but I still feel that I'm in the figuring out process. As far as my friends, it's mostly come down to meeting up for lunch or getting together and playing poker. I'd like to be able to goto certain pool parties or lounges, but I'm going to take my time. Gotta get my feet wet first before I jump in head first to big social situations with alcohol around.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by TopFlight
I'd like to be able to goto certain pool parties or lounges, but I'm going to take my time. Gotta get my feet wet first before I jump in head first to big social situations with alcohol around.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I think you have made a very wise decision. We will find out who are true friends are when discontinuing the alcohol. When people respond in a negative way about quitting drinking, it helps me to realize that those responses are fear based. I think that it makes others look at themselves, and this may not be what they want or even feel they need to do at this time.
Keep walking forward. You have everything to gain from this. Congrats on your sober time!!
Keep walking forward. You have everything to gain from this. Congrats on your sober time!!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Great post
Maybe the time is right for you to venture out,whether that involves moving or getting involved in new activities and meeting new people where you are now. In time you'll probably find your old drinking buddies will fade away and you 'll meet new people anyway
Congrats onyour month
Maybe the time is right for you to venture out,whether that involves moving or getting involved in new activities and meeting new people where you are now. In time you'll probably find your old drinking buddies will fade away and you 'll meet new people anyway
Congrats onyour month
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