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Trading one thing for another?

Old 07-28-2013, 05:40 PM
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Trading one thing for another?

I'm six months sober today and I am so grateful. To get this far I have had to refuse many invitations to go out, I've refused dinner invitations from friends and have not gone to my family's lake house this summer due to my desire to remain sober. Because of this I have become a bit isolated and now am suffering from social anxiety. Last night I was supposed to go to a fundraiser for an animal rescue organization I volunteer for. It was held at a bar and grill I walked in the door, did not see anyone I knew, saw people drinking, panicked and turned around and left. I'm feeling sad and depressed today because I think I would have had a good time. Am I always going to feel like this? I'm feeling very alone. I attend meetings and enjoy the fellowship but don't feel like I want to exclusively depend on the fellowship. I'm very confused tonight.
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Old 07-28-2013, 05:53 PM
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Hey Sally sorry you are going through this isolation. But congrats on your sober success. I tend to isolate as well. The only way to get past it is to push yourself. Even when you feel uncomfortable like the social situation you described. I know it's scary but you have to find yourself love yourself.

The WORST kind of lonely is the lonely in a room full of people! But honestly it's in your head. Get out there don't hold yourself back! You've freed yourself from an ugly beast now it's your time to enjoy your life and have a good time
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Old 07-28-2013, 05:56 PM
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Hi Sally

do you have any non drinking friends?

D
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Old 07-28-2013, 06:06 PM
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Hi Dee. No, unfortunately all my friends are big wine drinkers. That is one of the reasons I'm feeling this way. I still see one of my closest friends but only for coffee on a Sunday morning. Most weekends are now spent by myself or with my grandkids. Not that there is anything wrong with spending time with my grandkids. I'm 60 so my social life seems to have really become non-existent.
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Old 07-28-2013, 06:07 PM
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I don't go anywhere where I feel uncomfortable and don't feel "safe".

I give you kudos for walking out.

I don't go to parties, pubs, bars or any place where there is lots of drinking involved. But I have to do that for me. I might never beable to go to any of these places ever again and I am okay with that.

My life is simple, calm and I'm at peace. That is really all I want.
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Old 07-28-2013, 06:09 PM
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I really had to find friends who, if not total teetotalers, where people for whom alcohol didn't matter, y'know?

for some of those friends I reached back into my life for folks I'd lost touch with - for the rest I looked at my interests and hobbies, and new things I wanted to do, and made new friends that way.

Community volunteering was good for me too - it got me out, meeting new people and doing something worthwhile at the same time

D
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Old 07-28-2013, 06:16 PM
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Thanks. I think I'm kind of feeling sorry for myself today. I'm so happy to be sober and that's what it is all about. I have a job, a roof over my head and a wonderful family. I need to focus on the positive.
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Old 07-28-2013, 06:53 PM
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Even if you do not buy into AA the fellowship is remarkable. There are a lot of healthy happy sober people who get together and do fun things. I have found recovery is about building a new life not trying to make my old life work
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Old 07-28-2013, 07:05 PM
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Wow, I can relate to that. Walking into a bar, seeing everyone high from their drinks and just wanting to leave. I haven't been sober all that long (roughly four months) but if an event is held at a bar I generally put an appearance and then I leave. I think over time I'll be able to handle it better but for now I just can't. Feeling sad and depressed is normal when you're expecting something that doesn't play out as you expected. I've felt that many times. I've often felt that people totally oblivious to the fact that I'm trying to be sober. I finally decided that humans are a strange bunch and I can't control them. Hang in there .. BTW I hope you take a moment to tell yourself you're AWESOME for being sober six months. I hope to get there as well. You're an inspiration!
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