jakec

Please talk some sense into me guys.. I know there is a part of me that wants to stay clean, but there is also another part of me that wants to say f*ck it and get high. I just haven't figured out which part is stronger.

If I use, there's a good chance that I will go to jail, as I am in drug court.
If I use, I will be back at day 1 and wishing I didn't mess up.

I just don't know why these don't seem like good enough reasons to not get high. ):

hypochondriac

Have you ever looked into AVRT before Jake. That has a useful explanation of what your mind is going through right now.

jakec

Yes I have. I think I'll re-take the crash course of AVRT and add that to my sobriety plan.

In Memory of keyweird

I was your age when I really started to see myself as I see myself these days. Don't let one more minute of your life & power go to this. It's an urge! NOT a need. Come into the chats, join in the freedom that is sobriety! I'm in my mid 40's & wish I could take back all the pain I've been through & the pain I put my family through by giving into the thought that "I AM too young to quit"! Honestly, when it hit me I wish I'd have had a venue like this to help! I'm on day 5 outta detox, after 6 months sober. Before that relapse I'd had 10 years sober. TRUST the process, NOT the urge! The urge sounds like there are a lot of negative repercussions. Sober=FREEDOM, for both you & the life ahead of you!
Now, I'll sound like my mom.... Clean your room! That'll keep your mind & body busy! (worked for me yesterday!)
Best of luck!
Your right NEVER to young to do it right! Bravo!

mecanix

Tell the drugs to f*ck it and stay clean n' sober .

m

Dee74

Take a read through your old posts Jake. Its the best way to talk sense into yourself

Drugs were the old way - and it didn't work out so well - time to give this new way a chance?

D

least

Pay attention to the part of you that wants to stay clean. Ignore the other part.

soberclover

It's not worth it to get high. The feeling is temporary and costly in way too many ways. Be a winner and stay strong; you got this.

ScottFromWI

I'd try to listen to the part if you that wants to stay sober, because its the part of your self that is telling the truth. Seek some local support if you need it too.

Otherwise you already know what's possible if you use again. Some people don't finally get sober until they have been to jail or worse. The difference between you and them is you still have a choice. Only you can decide which path you choose to take.

MeSoSober

I don't know if it will be of any help, but this is the blog a former coworker of mine has been keeping since he was diagnosed with synovial sarcoma last October. He's going to die in a few weeks. My guess, based on his two most recent entries, is that he won't live to see football season start.

It's Not a Sprint | Husband, Father, Army Officer, PhD Student

This is a wonderful person who lived life to the fullest and did nothing to cause or contribute to his own death. Do you have a loved one who also died young through no fault of their own? Reading about and remembering these people inspires me to value my life enough not to **** it away on booze or drugs.

LadyinBC

You can choose which part of you wants the strength. All that is required of you today is not to use.

Find something to do that will distract you. That addictive side of your brain is telling you to use. Tell it to F off.

pinkdog

Find sober ways to stay busy. Your body is adjusting to it. Keep going. It does get easier. You go through stages: denial, anger, acceptance. You will get to the acceptance part. God bless you in your journey. Good job so far!!

CharlieNoogan

Unless you enjoy jail, I think you know the right answer.

Done_With_It

Find something to keep you busy, I had to consistently find new things to do to replace that feeling of wanting to use. A walk, a new hobby, sports, volunteering, stay busy!

And play it out in your head, you use, you'll get a high that is not nearly as good as you had expected it to be, the come down, feeling worse than you did before and then Jail..
There is no way a short high is worth jail.... Remind yourself of that... You can do it!

SeekingGrowth

Jake, the battle you describe inside yourself right now, between your "addict" self and your real self, reminds of that old Cherokee legend that I may have seen for the first time on these boards:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. “One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Prodigy

I think the threat of going to jail is a great reason to not use, you'll be ok bud.