ippochick

day 42 today.

i started outpatient therapy last week and it's great. i had a fab day at a folk festival on friday - saw my favourite band and enjoyed being sober. yesterday we had lunch out and saw friends in the afternoon.

today, however, has been a *******. i've really been craving a drink. hubby went to the pub for a couple of pints this afternoon, but i stayed home. i'm finding that my 'drinking buddies' aren't so entertaining when i'm sober.

i feel bored, and boring. my brain is telling me things would be more fun if i was drinking again. i know it's not true, but today has been the hardest since week 1.

ugh.

ImperfectlyMe

Hey ippo the truth is these days suck!!! They come without out warning often! When the urges pass like when your head hits the pillow you will feel do greatful! You can do this I know it's soooo hard but you can you've made it this far!

CriticalMass

Your aware of the things your brain is telling you. Awareness is good. And you apparently don't associate it with yourself if you're saying "my brain is telling me." Boredom can be fleeting, 42 days is not. I'm a big proponent of therapy and really hope it helps you!

shakeel

no one said it would be easy. you can not undo years of drinking in a week. I myself had tried everything, yet kept relapsing. I hated AA for many years until I had no other choice than to find something positive in that program for my sake, and funny it gave me another perspective on how to live life sober or how to live in general. new ste of friends, new set of principles to live by(the 12 steps)...ect. I used to be the guy who would wear a tshirt at the bar that says "AA is for quitters" lol.

hypochondriac

That's what I found too. I also found they weren't the most inspiring people to be around in early sobriety. It is ace that you have started an outpatient program and I am sure you will meet people there who can support you. I found it really helpful to me to have other people I could talk to who knew what I was going through.

newpower

Just don't drink. Just for today the rest will take care of itself. The craving will pass. Don't believe the lie of your addiction. Be kind to yourself.

jase.

Ladybug2

I've been there recently, Ippochick. I had 48 days last month and started feeling the same way ... and blew it. I can't tell you how much I regret it. You will be soooo disappointed at having to start over and I can tell you it won't be worth it. It is great you posted here for help. You can get through it, just keep playing the tape forward.

Anna

It's true that not everyday is going to be a great day.

I think what your mind is telling you is that you need to make some changes - find some new activities to get involved in and make some new friends.

Congratulations on 42 days sober.

Dee74

you know it's a lie and it's a pretty easy lie to dismiss really Ippo...you only have to think back to when you joined here to remember how much 'fun' drinking was for you by the end.

You gave years to drinking right? Give more than 42 days to recovery - you'll look back and be glad you did

D

Nuudawn

Hey Ippo..I don't remember the details too clearly but I seem to recall a post of yours that detailed some of drinking "fun" as holing yourself up at home drowning yourself in vodka. The experience had you visiting a store for more booze and experiencing shame when you were dealing with the cashier. I also think you're daughter was somehow subjected to that "fun" and had some shame and hurt of her own to deal with. Please forgive me if I have the details wrong regarding the drinking fun.

Ippo...you are a very witty person and perhaps you're drinking friends are a bit boring for you. Perhaps you have to widen your buddy scope to include those you enjoy talking to sober.

Eleni58

I feel for you! Doesn't seem like hubby is very supportive. That must be so hard! Your AV is talking to you. DO NOT LISTEN! Take it minute by minute if you need to. Do you have an AA sponsor? Call someone now who understands what you are going through. Sometimes the best thing to do is not suffer alone, but talk through it with someone else and this board helps too!

Bubovski

This weekend I felt a little bit down, but had no cravings to drink.

I find that recalling the abundant shocking times I had as a result of drinking tends to act as a pretty good antidote. Any 'good times' were well and truly eclipsed.

pinkdog

You will get to the point where regular life is not boring. Keep going. It is worth it!

keepinitsimple

My cravings come when I have a seat to play poker, but lately I been looking at alcohol as a potion for sickness that surely entails, I mean that shitface sickness that makes u swear up and down to ur higher power that if it justs goes away, u wont drink again !! Look at ur husband when he gets home after them pints, u will see its alcohol talkun or acting and being in control od ur actions is soooooo much better even if u do think its "boring" , maybe u just havent found the right activities or group of associates to share the common soberness to enjoy it

Marria

New friends and new activities are a must. It's so easy to feel bored and boring, I actually wrote about that in my last post and I am 7+ months sober now!! I'm beginning slowly to do new things but it's far from easy as my natural inclination is to sit on the couch and plan without action... Keep going, it's completely worth it, no matter how my day goes being without drink is the most crucial thing I have to live a better life, even if it means I feel left out and lonely at times it's up to me to find new outlets and new friends etc.
Best of luck to you!

ippochick

thanks everyone for the support.

those who said to remember how it was for me at the end of my drinking were so right. my brain was romanticizing booze, when in reality taking a drink would mean the end of all i hold dear.

i dodn't drink yesterday and i won't drink today.

thanks so much, everyone. i need to find some new activities. hubby bought me a DSLR camera for xmas so i will try to find a class/group to help me learn how to use it properly. i love urban exploration so a bit of light trespassing might cheer me up too! (it's a civil offence in the UK not a criminal one so the adrenaline buzz is worth it).

day 43 today!

soberclover

When I was in very early sobriety I remember feeling especially bad when my bf would be drinking and I wasn't. Ias far as couldn't tell him to not drink; not drinking was my thing not his. I held a resentment towards the fact that he was drinking and I would take it out on myself by thinking I had a boring life because he was able to drink and have fun. I had to learn to not associate drinking as "fun". It is hard to live with someone who drinks. I still haven't figured it out making it work without making myself nuts.

Acheleus

Write a note about the things you regret doing/saying while drunk. Stick it on a mirror or wall and read it when you have cravings. I had 40 something days and relapsed big time, and ladybug is right-you feel disappointment and regret at having given up. Stay strong and do not take your sobriety for granted. I got some bad news and drank almost immediately after I got it. I know now that I have to face my problems, not drink them away.

neferkamichael

Ippochick, day 42 today? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. You are doing very good, just play the tape all the way through, remember why you are quitting to start with, remember how bad it was. It took awhile for the cravings and the urges to go away, and now I'm 3 years sober. You can do it, rootin for ya.

ReadyAtLast

I can relate as got to 6 weeks twice last year and drank. Both times I was with someone else who was drinking. It was the weirdest feeling -almost like I had no choice but to drink,it was so overpowering. I told myself if I could get to 6 weeks I didn't have a problem, I'd quit once I could quit again, I was on holiday, I'd just have a couple etc.
The thought process lasted only minutes.

It was scary as I'd not had any major cravings in the first 6 weeks so I was really not prepared or equipped to deal with them.

you can probably guess the rest. I drank a bottle of wine, 2 the next night and that carried on for 3 months...........

I woke the next morning full of shame,guilt,regret, fear,resentment,anger,disappointment etc. Felt like I'd wasted the last 6 weeks. Thought what's the point quitting again Iobviously can't do it. So I carried on drinking for 3 months before quitting again.

What I'm trying to say is it really is no fun and each time you quit it's harder because I just felt I couldn't do it as I kept relapsing. When I quit the third time in December I realized I had to do something more. Despite feeling great I knew the urge could strike at any time-I still expect it now (nearly 8 months)

Urge surfing was fantastic as I was aware the cravings lasted only a few minutes.Each time you crave and get through it you will feel stronger.

For me, being prepared this time and having some way of dealing with the cravings have been crucial.That and SR of course

Remember-no one wakes up in themorning glad they drank thenight before-stay strong you CAN do this