SoberNewDad

The yellow skin was not severe and was gone by this morning. The urine subsided today. I am going to see a doctor and get a liver enzyme test. I don't think I am in an emergency situation. At least not this time. Which is why I am done.

I totally appreciate the support and concern. And wastingme I been on this forum/watching tv/playing video games all day today to keep me occupied. That works extremely well until you want to try and sleep.

I will update you guys regarding the liver stuff tomorrow. Again thanks for all the posts.

Tobo

Hi SND, hope your doing well today

Arrii

I cant offer anything mate. But i can offer support. Im at my wits end too and starting out on being sober so if you ever want to vent give me a shout

wakko

When I got to AA I was desperate. A guy with 30+ yrs of sobriety taught me how to live again sober

SoberNewDad

I am on day 3 today and starting to feel better. Withdrawal symptoms much better. Still had nightmares last night and still have a gnarly headache, but the liver issues seem to be gone. Thank you everyone for all the kind wishes and support. I never expected to meet so many folks in my shoes on a forum. Next step is to get myself to a meeting. Never really liked them before, but I am willing to try it for my son.

Hevyn

Hi SoberNewDad. You have some great responses already, and I'm happy you've made it to Day 3.

I just want to send you some love and support. You absolutely can stay sober - I finally did it after drinking for decades. I played with it into my 50's and it was hell to get off it at that point. You can turn everything around and have a wonderful, healthy life. Drinking never makes anything more fun or relaxing or better - it doesn't offer us relief from our troubles. It takes our problems and makes them ten times worse. It steals our spirit and our soul. You're not going to let it take you.

SoberNewDad

Day 4. Just checking in. I am on my lunch break from work. They seem frustrated with me for my lack of presence last week. The jury is still out on whether they will fire me.
I spent the first hour or so of work at my desk sweating profusely.

All this along with the nature of my work(mortgage sales) has pinned my anxiety as I am really not through with my withdrawals yet. I was just sitting here picturing how a bottle of vodka sounds soooo much better than going back to work, and then I thought about how that would end and who I would be letting down. I am not going to give in.

It occurred to me that I wish I didn't have a job that produced so much anxiety for me but I am stuck as I have to provide for my child and sales is all I have experience in. No 10, 15, or even 20 dollar an hour job will pay the bills.... sigh... It is an issue I have yet to figure out.

I am trying not to think about that right now and just go through the motions. Thanks again for the support as it has REALLY helped.

Alphabet

I'm glad you're starting to feel better, and I can absolutely relate on the job front working with mortgages - very demanding!

Best of luck to you, sending my thoughts your way.

SoberNewDad

Thanks a lot... The ONE good thing is that if I lose my job I can replace it very quickly. I just hate having it unresolved and knowing that I have tarnished my reputation.

ScottFromWI

Unless you are the heir of a large fortune or the winner of the lottery, I don't think there's any job that doesn't produce some anxiety or stress. Heck, even if you did have a fortune or win the lottery you'd still have anxiety and stress about what to do with all the money.

Bottom line, you can't use it as an excuse to drink if you want to stay sober. It's certainly understandable that your specific situation of job stability is stressful, but you already know that drinking will only make it worse.

You are doing a great job, stay strong and you will get through this.

Eleni58

I am fortunate in that it probably has been much easier for me to continue to stay sober because I'm unemployed. I lost my job of 11 years four months ago and I really don't think I could have handled both my job and quitting drinking at the same time. Kudos to you for hanging in there!

SoberNewDad

Thanks Scott. You are absolutely right. I am used to using my anxiety as an excuse. I used EVERYTHING as an excuse. I was reflecting on my life last night thinking, jeez ****ed up childhood, never fit in, job sucks, bills, yada yada. Then I was like yeah, all of that stuff is hard, and I can think about it if my end game is to justify my drinking.

If I want to SOLVE my issues then where I came from and all my baggage doesn't really matter. My solution matters. My resolve matters. My willingness matters.

Sales is anxiety producing for me especially when I am not performing up to snuff or hungover and don't want to answer the phone. I bet if I hang in there my anxiety will subside somewhat.

One thing is for sure, drinking WILL compound the problem.

DrunkenBob

^^^ THIS!!!

I experienced this exactly for many days. It started to subside a bit after about 5 nights but then I fell off the wagon and BOOM - right back to it last night. Makes for some strange and long nights.

I described them as conscience dreams. Dreaming but you are definitely awake.