Counting change and feeling no shame.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: southern Oregon
Posts: 365
Counting change and feeling no shame.....
So I've been sober for over 4 months now. It's been ups and downs, trying to face everything life throws at you without running to the bottle to escape.
Today I'm just sitting here, making a grocery list, and it seems to keep growing. So I get my wallet out, count the dollar bills, the vouchers from recycling soda cans, and on to the loose change. Don't we all love the quarters?!
I'm struck by the familiar feeling of doing this many times before.....but for a different reason. All those times of trying to make enough change for a "medium" sized bottle of rum; 'cause wine began to cost too much for how much I drank, towards the end.
Each coin, hitting against the others, as I dropped them onto the table to count, hammered away into my head, as if to say: "geez, what a pathetic loser, do you really need it this bad??" And arguing with myself about the food and staples I really needed to get. "Oh, I can go without milk, or the butter, or so and so...." the list went on. (who really needs Kleenex, when you can just use toilet paper, right?)
So now I am counting change again, but this time I am going to buy milk, and cereal (maybe even name brand, lol) and fresh fruit, hey, maybe even a Snickers or two, for me and my son!
Just wanted to share that sometimes you get unexpected little bursts of confirmation that you're doing the right thing.....it feels good to go to the store and pay with change, and feel no shame!
Peace,
Heartfan
Today I'm just sitting here, making a grocery list, and it seems to keep growing. So I get my wallet out, count the dollar bills, the vouchers from recycling soda cans, and on to the loose change. Don't we all love the quarters?!
I'm struck by the familiar feeling of doing this many times before.....but for a different reason. All those times of trying to make enough change for a "medium" sized bottle of rum; 'cause wine began to cost too much for how much I drank, towards the end.
Each coin, hitting against the others, as I dropped them onto the table to count, hammered away into my head, as if to say: "geez, what a pathetic loser, do you really need it this bad??" And arguing with myself about the food and staples I really needed to get. "Oh, I can go without milk, or the butter, or so and so...." the list went on. (who really needs Kleenex, when you can just use toilet paper, right?)
So now I am counting change again, but this time I am going to buy milk, and cereal (maybe even name brand, lol) and fresh fruit, hey, maybe even a Snickers or two, for me and my son!
Just wanted to share that sometimes you get unexpected little bursts of confirmation that you're doing the right thing.....it feels good to go to the store and pay with change, and feel no shame!
Peace,
Heartfan
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Hi Heartfan,
I was getting ready to go to a meeting yesterday and didn't have any dollar bills so I counted the change I had laying around for the first time since I got sober. I had over 20.00 in change (mostly quarters). Since I was putting change in the basket I put in 2.00 worth of quarters instead of the one dollar bill I usually put in.
It's nice to not feel embarrassed when we know that we're doing the right thing.
I was getting ready to go to a meeting yesterday and didn't have any dollar bills so I counted the change I had laying around for the first time since I got sober. I had over 20.00 in change (mostly quarters). Since I was putting change in the basket I put in 2.00 worth of quarters instead of the one dollar bill I usually put in.
It's nice to not feel embarrassed when we know that we're doing the right thing.
Congrats on four months. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 49
Four months is wonderful!
Only a few days later I'm already seeing how much I was short-changing myself for alcohol. Getting ready for bed at night, getting ready for the day in the morning... having tissues, and toilet paper, and a clean sink, my clothes put away neatly... they are such small things.
Only a few days later I'm already seeing how much I was short-changing myself for alcohol. Getting ready for bed at night, getting ready for the day in the morning... having tissues, and toilet paper, and a clean sink, my clothes put away neatly... they are such small things.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Congrats Heartfan on 4 months!! I totally have been there to.
Frantically doing math and buying the cheapest cold cuts possible (talking chopped ham or bologna)....cutting more corners than you can count...all so I can have enough money to buy my booze!...I knew exactly how much gas I needed to get to work for the week, and only put that amount in the tank.....I was a whiz at that!
Now I am almost 3 months sober, and it's great to have money again, and YES...to buy good food for my family!
I almost feel rich with what I am saving:-)
Frantically doing math and buying the cheapest cold cuts possible (talking chopped ham or bologna)....cutting more corners than you can count...all so I can have enough money to buy my booze!...I knew exactly how much gas I needed to get to work for the week, and only put that amount in the tank.....I was a whiz at that!
Now I am almost 3 months sober, and it's great to have money again, and YES...to buy good food for my family!
I almost feel rich with what I am saving:-)
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