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Stop with the screaming

Old 07-26-2013, 03:20 PM
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Stop with the screaming

Day 6. I'm not feeling good. I'm sleeping ok at night yet I'm still physically and mentally exhausted throughout the day. I have zero patience, I feel intensely irratable, frustrated and rather flat. This isn't compatable with my responsibilities as a single parent - 5 of my 6 children are with me and it's school summer holidays for another 3 weeks.
I hate to admit this bit I've screamed a lot the past 2 days. My 6 year old plays up a lot and usually I have the patience of a saint with him, with all of them. They must be wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I've been craving too. The AV has been screaming for wine. I need this feeling to stop ASAP, I can't bare the person I am right now. How am I going to cope? I'm too used to mellowing out with wine... It dissolved my stresses. Gave me something to look forward to. Softened the edges.
I hope it passes soon.
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Old 07-26-2013, 03:22 PM
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Early recovery is rough for everyone - but it's important to remember it's not always going to be like this - this is not the 'new you' - this is you coming back out of hell into the light

stick with it

D
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Old 07-26-2013, 03:23 PM
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It gets better, slowly but surely.

Relapsing only makes it worse.

Please trust me on both of these. Stick with it.
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Old 07-26-2013, 03:23 PM
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Hang in there, butterfly. The feeling will pass.
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Old 07-26-2013, 03:28 PM
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There was a period in my first bit of sobriety where I felt I had little to no skin. Everything bugged me!! It didn't last long..and only your post reminded me of that. It passes...and as more and more time passes you realize you handle things BETTER than when you were drinking..much much better. And it won't take long...promise.
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Old 07-26-2013, 03:29 PM
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Wow. Raising six children, and having five with you at the same time, would be a challenge, even for someone not struggling with sobriety.

Mercifully, we only have to go through the crap we experience in early sobriety once. Or maybe a few times. Our moods become less erratic, and we become better able to manage life's difficulties. We look back and wonder how it is we every felt so awful.

All you need to do right now is stay sober for today. As the days add up, you'll be around long enough to start reaping the benefits of sobriety.
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Old 07-26-2013, 03:38 PM
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Thanks guys, I will stick with it, I just hate that my kids are bearing the brunt of it. I adore them so much and they've literally never seen me this way. Anyone who knows me would say I'm the most laid back, easygoing person ever. I feel like I've turned into a monster. I just cannot stop myself from going off.
I will have to work on this. Tomorrow I will do something extra nice for each of them and I will apologise for my ridiculous behaviour. And I will count my blessings. That always helps
Thanks again friends, you're all the support I have so your input means the world to me. I couldn't do this without you all x
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Old 07-26-2013, 03:52 PM
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Hope it passes soon for you to Butterfly.
It is part and parcel of recovery to varying degrees and better days just might be just around the corner.
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Old 07-26-2013, 03:53 PM
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Hi. Hopefully you won't need this idea. Save your top post here for a remember when. IF unfortunately the want to drink repeats itself promise yourself to read that post first. I had to remember that if I don't pick up the first drink I don't have to get sober AGAIN also. BE WELL
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Old 07-26-2013, 04:52 PM
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Early days are the hardest butterfly. Stick with it. You will start to be the laid back self once you are used to being sober. Don't let yourself think you need alcohol to do that. I'm in my early days and whenever I crave I come on here. Read some posts and it goes away.
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Old 07-26-2013, 05:03 PM
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You can do this butterfly! Come here and post, post post. I know that it must be hard because you feel like you're being hard on the kids. Ultimately though, you're doing the best thing for them.

It gets better and that's a promise! You did the best thing that you could do too which was posted. I was having a real AV moment issue today and posted. I try to be positive all the time but reality comes dashing in once in a while. It was the responses to that post that helped to set me straight and build me back up to where I needed to be.

I hope that's what the responses to this thread do for you
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Old 07-26-2013, 05:31 PM
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Butterfly:
The only thing I can add to the other posts is that it might be helpful for you to consult your doctor for carefully prescribed and controlled limited amounts of medication to deal with your anxieties. Just enough to get you through the first week or two. That is unless you've done this already. Very very important to have the amount and dosage under strict control. Good luck.

W.
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Old 07-26-2013, 05:45 PM
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Butterfly, day 6? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. I just suffered through the cravings, anxiety, whatever, and now I am 3 years sober butterfly. It of course took a lot longer than six days, and the cravings and such are almost nonexistent. You can do it, rootin for ya.
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Old 07-26-2013, 05:56 PM
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You know that being a mother is the toughest job, ever. I wasn't a single mother, but my husband was in the military and away a lot, so I know how you feel. I didn't drink at all in those days, and what got me through was learning to meditate. After lunch would be quiet time for the kids, and that was often Sesame Street. It would give me fifteen to twenty minutes to myself to just 'be' and it really helped.
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Old 07-26-2013, 08:02 PM
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I think it's better to be irritable now so you can be sober long term...Your children will obviously benefit from you being truly present Sounds to me like you are right where you are supposed to be ...I felt that way in the beginning too. It passes, trust us when we say that. If it didn't, I wouldn't still be sober!
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Old 07-26-2013, 08:11 PM
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Yup I'm there too. I feel so bad for my kids and have made an effort to do extra things with and for them but it doesn't take away me snapping at them. I hope these days pass soon and I know we will be so much better then when we were drinking!
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Old 07-26-2013, 09:24 PM
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I know exactly what you mean. I get so impatient even sitting at a red light. I yell at people constantly when I'm driving... it is just horrid.
How are you relieving stress? Do you workout? Maybe a hot bath with some calming tea? Make sure to take time for yourself.... You ARE a better mom, even if you will yell at them a bit more for the next month or so, you are a great mom to decide to be sober. I envy you!!!!
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Old 07-26-2013, 09:37 PM
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Butterfly, I think it is worth presenting to your kids a few days of decreased patience and irritation if in the process they are going to gain a sober parent. That is worth quite a lot, and you are doing the right thing!
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Old 07-27-2013, 10:05 AM
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I found that I had let a lot of things slide when I was drinking. I allowed behavior that I shouldn't have and was generally pretty lax. I liked to describe it as easy-going, but really in my case, it was also a case of just being drunk and therefore ignoring behavior I would have otherwise effectively corrected. As a result, there was a great deal of frustration when I quit as I began to sort of learn to parent again in a different (more effective) way. There was quite a learning curve for all of us. There was a lot of "You never cared when we did this before" type stuff, so I to do quite a bit of redefining.

I'm a single mom, too. My kids are teenagers now, and it's challenging even in the absence of any addiction issues. But there is so much joy in being fully present for the good, the bad, and the ugly. Happiness doesn't necessarily mean everything is sorted out, it just means its ok if its not. You are doing great, butterfly! As the others have said, things will get better.
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