I want to die.
 

End of.

I just do. Don't even ask why.

MytimeNow. I wanted to die too. I was at the end, and I even tried but I didn't succeed. I finally had to do what it takes to get better. That means walk thru my fear and procrastination and get to a detox. Where do you live abouts. I know the hopelessness MyTime Now, but it won't always be this way. You gotta put the drink/drug down.

That was 1 yr 5 months ago. Today I am glad I am alive.

Talk to us MTN. We will help all we can xxx

It's not drink/drugging - I've never drugged, one spliff and I eat the house out and fall asleep.

There's just not a place for me in this world. I've been fighting it since I was 12, I don't feel I can fight it anymore. I have nothing to give, not even my children.

We're here for you. Please reach out here. You are a valued person, mum, daughter and member of SR. You've got people who care about you. Please don't suffer alone. Talk to us and hopefully we can help. Problem shared is a problem halved.Sending hugs.xx

Probably already seen this but from the sticky:

Soberrecovery is a forum for those recovering from alcohol and substance abuse addictions and help for family and friends whos lives have been affected by someone else's addiction.

...

USA NATIONAL Suicide & Crisis Hotlines - When You Feel You Can't Go On... Call a Suicide Hotline. / SuicideHotlines.com - Direction for immediate crisis intervention for the gravely suicidal & treatment for major clinical suicidal depression.


-----
Suicide Forum - A support forum for people in crisis (there is a link in the sticky that i can't post)

I'll be ok, always am. Hah.

I feel like a clown with a face on all the time. I haven't been happy since I was 12, I've had all the drugs and therapy. I'm not giving anything to anybody, there is nothing out there for me.

I'm a good person, but damn right that both my kids would be better off without me.

Thanks Vodwat but I'm in the UK, I did call the Samaritans once and even then told the lady I was getting pished off with her so how does that make you feel vocab.

I feel so angry right now!

******* crying!!! I just swore!

Have you considered some kind of counselling or therapy?

There's always a place for everyone. I firmly believe that. You say you've been "fighting it" since you were 12. Maybe "fighting it" is the problem. Sometimes we have to accept what is while working toward what we want.

Are you suicidal, or do you just wish you were dead? There is a subtle but important difference. If you're suicidal please use the resources available:

INTERNATIONAL - World-Wide Suicide & Crisis Hotlines - When You Feel You Can't Go On... Call a Suicide Hotline. / SuicideHotlines.com - Direction for immediate crisis intervention for the gravely suicidal & treatment for major clinical suicidal depre

I've had counselling, psychotherapy, CBT, group CBT and more counselling last year - I know what I should be thinking :)

Can you write down even one logical reason why the above statement could possibly be true?

i apologize i didn't realize you are in the UK. hang in there. as you said before, you will be ok.

When my kids were little I isolated from the world to such an extent I would sit alone in the garden while my husband occupied them. I had no energy, no will to live, nothing. All around me was a blackness and heaviness and it was at that point my drinking got a grip of me. I wanted to end it, and I planned how to do it.

I was depressed MTN, and I needed help.

There was a place for me in the world, as there is for you. We are Mums. There is no greater gift than our children. Don't turn away from them, they need you.

All I can tell you is that it does get better. Once the drink was gone, I was able to face the demons of the past and gradually re-build myself. I am no longer depressed MTN. Life is good. Therapy isn't easy, but I can promise you that the life I always wanted was right here in front of me. I just needed help to see it.

Hang in there xxx

What are you going to do to change that? Today is a new day. It is up to you. What can you do to make a difference today in your kids lives in your life.
You can not wish yourself happy, you have to take action. Make a plan. Take baby steps to become the person you want to be. We are not defined by others. We r defined by ourselves. Who are you. Who do you want to be? If you want to have esteem do esteemable things.

You can create your own identity. If you don't like what you see in the mirror, what can you do to change that?

Get out of yourself and do something for someone else today.

Ok. Just seen the post about counselling. I forgot you were in the UK too.

Phone the Samaritans again if you need to. Have you family, friends? Please talk to someone xx

Ok... am calmed somewhat

For anybody that is worried that I'm going to kill myself right now - absolutely not. Please don't worry.

I wish I could! I would love to end these 37 years of pain. I have my responsibilities though and need to carry on, but I know there is no happiness for me in life, I carry on for others. I just wish the pain would end and the memories gone.

Has anybody had hypnotherapy? I'm wondering whether to try that as a last resort.

Yeah did all that, went back to work, super happy - got sexually harrassed by my boss - photos of his c*Ck and everything. He was sacked, I had no job - And I finally thought I was achieving something in life.

I've perused the job pages this week, 40 pages and nothing for me. I'm trying.

you're really tired too don't forget as you've been up since really early this morning and yesterday too. Being tired can make me feel so low - don't rule out the fact that you're so tired and maybe this is affecting your thinking?

Your kids need you so much. They need you more than they need anyone and they love you.

Plus maybe you're feeling more down because you drank last week maybe. I know I always felt low a few days after I quit following a relapse.

Things reallywill get better for you. Can you maybe have a bath, a warm drink and get to bed.xxx

Family is the problem at the mo.

I don't want anybody to worry, it's fine, I'm going nowhere soon.

Ok seriously, nobody worry please. I was at the absolute end of my tether and ranting.

Can a mod just edit my post to 'having a rant' please? Anna?

Everything just hit me like a ton of bricks and I posted here, the last thing I want to do is worry and give other people stress xx