Ah thank you so much. You're a great friend too and a lovely person. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Get some sleep :)xx

Yeah that pic is me :) In the eyes of my 4 year old daughter, sunburned face :)

I did some volunteering for cats protection, it was only tin holding (not allowed to rattle) but I absolutely loved it being out of the house and just having a wee bit of chat with those that were interested.

I need a life for me that is my problem, I feel so tired all the time with the kids...

Maybe Anna shouldn't lock the thread, this could be quite cathartic and helpful.

I am so grateful to you all xxx

Hi MTN

Like you, I think, I have often wanted to be dead. It's a passive thing, not an active, "I want to kill myself".

The thought of killing myself is no longer a comfort, now that I am a mum. I can't bear the thought of being without my mum and I'm 42. How could I be responsible for doing that to my most loved 4 yr old?

My oldest friend died in April. She was 43. It was sudden and nothing to do with alcohol. She has 2 children aged 10 and 12. The consequences are unimaginable.

You are loved, valued and needed. Talk. Get help. Stick around. Find a way to live. If you are in Scotland and need to talk to someone call Breathing Space.

If you can't live and you can't die...make coffee.

That is profound. Loneliness and isolation are not a good thing, and we can't get better alone. Reach out, go to a meeting, be of service, make coffee; help yourself by helping others. The point being, whether it is professional help, therapy, doctors; or recovery programs....what we need is available. we just need to be willing.

Take care.

This was in regard to my kids being better off without me...

I have no job, daughter who is 4 came along when eldest was 11. I'd been told I couldn't have any more children, scans of uterine and fallopian scars and 5 years of unprotected sex backed that up... Doh! Unprotected sex with the same man I should add lol, he bought my son up since the age of 5, left when our own baby was 3 weeks old...

I just never really got it together since. I'm exhausted all the time, grumpy with them lots, I miss son and I being on our own together and he's exhausted by his manic sister jumping all over him...

You're right. I need to step up, it might be hard work but they both absolutely love me. I am their rock. I'm feeling sorry for myself? History repeating, exactly what my Mum did for 25 years... OK Let's change this!!!

Hey MTN ,
I've always felt like a square peg person in a round hole life . For me things started to feel better when i gave up the wanting to be something other than what i was .

I think buddha said "happiness is contentment with what there is" .

Back when i was working my way out of depression i forced myself to think of two good things for each bad thing ...

these days my head is pritty quite most of the time , It is possible to slowly unravel it and toss most of it into the dustbin and live free from any of it .

Bestwishes, m

You are always so wonderful M,

I've known lately that I need acceptance of my life more than anything - I don't ask for happiness and have always asked just to be content.

It will require some patience as what I'm dealing with is being bellowed at 5.30am regardless - I'm ready for my breakfast!!! And l love her with all my heart, of course I do, but it get's flippin' wearing!

Stupid thing to moan about and I've been doing it for years so its her dad who recently got in touch that I need to unravel and throw in the bin.

I just want some 'me' time. What about me? What about my life? I've given up 16 years now for these children, where is my chance to start again? Stupid thinking I know, as I'm bright enough to do anything I put my mind to... too busy thinking depressed and drinking. Not up and out and doing.

Hi MyTimeNow,
Just wanted to chime in and give you a virtual hug.
I will say one small iddy biddy thing.
You ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER!!!!
OK,
And go to bed and get some sleep.
:You_Rock_

And I am off for some sleep.

Thank you and goodnight to all my lovely SR friends. I wouldn't know where I'd be without you lot to rant to and bat things about back and forth.

NN xxx

Hi.

I am hearing that you are getting little or no down or 'me' time and I am sorry that I don't have any suggestions for this, presumably, you call in any time from your family and friends that you can?

I found that I was getting angry with my son. Unreasonably so. I found out about and attended a free PPP ( Positive Parenting Programme) course via my Local Authority and I am am getting ongoing help from a council worker which is so helpful and supportive. Maybe something you could access too?

She's just finished her 15 hours a week nursery and too old to qualify for anything else as it's school in September. I'm job hunting as much as I can, it sounds awful but I'd happily go full time, her nursery do 8-6 plus the school runs... so could easily do 9-5, I just feel so guilty yet I think it would benefit us both. Anyway, need to find a job first!

Sleeping is not working tonight in spite of being up silly hours - 21 so far. I KNOW my son is happily snoring away, well I hope. I just keep waking up in a panic! Will try again... ZZzzzzzzzzz