12 steps and me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: England
Posts: 46
12 steps and me
This is my personal, and current, response to the 12 steps and AA.
I'm not looking to provoke anyone or undermine anyone or insult anyone's belief in anything.
It is about me and my thoughts.
.................................................. ........................................
I’m not powerless over alcohol. I’ve gone for 9 days without drinking. That is power. Of course put a drink in my hand and it’s another thing altogether. So I remain powerful by not picking up a drink. My life seemed pretty unmanageable but I have controlled that by stopping.
I believe that the only person that can restore my sanity is me.
I have no intention of handing my will and life over to a fictitious being. I have no understanding of god and am not interested in having any.
I have made a very searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. I didn’t like what I found so I have changed it.
I admit to myself and to you that I have been selfish, abusive, manipulative and hurtful under my addiction. No problems with that. I can’t admit it to something that doesn’t exist.
I’m not happy for anyone or any thing other than me to mess with my character. I will change myself. Indeed, I’m not sure I’m ready to accept the term defect. I have behaved in a way I am not happy with. I now want to behave differently. That is up to me and no one else
I admit my shortcomings. I’ve got many of them!! I’m slowly confronting and addressing them over the years. Boozing is just the latest thing on my list.
I’ve hurt dozens of people. Most of them deserve it and given the opportunity I’d stuff them again. The one person I am willing to make amends to is my wife.
I am and will continue to make amends to my wife
Daily I take inventory. ( have no problem admitting being wrong
I have no intention of trying to improve my conscious contact with non existent entities. I meditate and look for knowledge within myself
I cannot have a spiritual awakening because there is no such thing as a spirit. I will continue to examine myself and live as well as I can
I'm not looking to provoke anyone or undermine anyone or insult anyone's belief in anything.
It is about me and my thoughts.
.................................................. ........................................
I’m not powerless over alcohol. I’ve gone for 9 days without drinking. That is power. Of course put a drink in my hand and it’s another thing altogether. So I remain powerful by not picking up a drink. My life seemed pretty unmanageable but I have controlled that by stopping.
I believe that the only person that can restore my sanity is me.
I have no intention of handing my will and life over to a fictitious being. I have no understanding of god and am not interested in having any.
I have made a very searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. I didn’t like what I found so I have changed it.
I admit to myself and to you that I have been selfish, abusive, manipulative and hurtful under my addiction. No problems with that. I can’t admit it to something that doesn’t exist.
I’m not happy for anyone or any thing other than me to mess with my character. I will change myself. Indeed, I’m not sure I’m ready to accept the term defect. I have behaved in a way I am not happy with. I now want to behave differently. That is up to me and no one else
I admit my shortcomings. I’ve got many of them!! I’m slowly confronting and addressing them over the years. Boozing is just the latest thing on my list.
I’ve hurt dozens of people. Most of them deserve it and given the opportunity I’d stuff them again. The one person I am willing to make amends to is my wife.
I am and will continue to make amends to my wife
Daily I take inventory. ( have no problem admitting being wrong
I have no intention of trying to improve my conscious contact with non existent entities. I meditate and look for knowledge within myself
I cannot have a spiritual awakening because there is no such thing as a spirit. I will continue to examine myself and live as well as I can
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
I had a counselor at rehab who got me over my "higher power issues" by suggesting that every time I ran into HP in the steps, just look at it as an opportunity to admit that I wasn't God.
It was enough to get me over the hump. Good Luck, keep coming back!
It was enough to get me over the hump. Good Luck, keep coming back!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I completely respect that you have the right to your own opinion and if your path is working for you that's awesome.
When I read your post I have to admit, it ruffled my feathers a bit. This is because you're negating a program that has helped so many people to get their families and jobs back, and perhaps to even come back from near death. People who have tried everything else and nothing seemed to work.
Then I had to understand that this is your opinion and what works for you, and for me, that's always a positive.
For me, the third time that I attempted to quit my attitude was the same as yours and it landed me right back into the bottle.
Before AA, for me, it was relapse after relapse after relapse.
Only through AA and my 4th attempt at abstinence have I been able to not only achieve sobriety, but to be genuinely happy that I'm sober. It's a peace that I have never felt and when I crave a drink I'm not miss pissy bit*&ing about the fact that I can't drink, I look to my higher power to help me, and it works magnificently. I am granted serenity. AA may not be for everyone but for many, it's the beacon that they needed to finally rid themselves of alcoholism.
I wish you the best of luck, it sounds like you found what works for you!
When I read your post I have to admit, it ruffled my feathers a bit. This is because you're negating a program that has helped so many people to get their families and jobs back, and perhaps to even come back from near death. People who have tried everything else and nothing seemed to work.
Then I had to understand that this is your opinion and what works for you, and for me, that's always a positive.
For me, the third time that I attempted to quit my attitude was the same as yours and it landed me right back into the bottle.
Before AA, for me, it was relapse after relapse after relapse.
Only through AA and my 4th attempt at abstinence have I been able to not only achieve sobriety, but to be genuinely happy that I'm sober. It's a peace that I have never felt and when I crave a drink I'm not miss pissy bit*&ing about the fact that I can't drink, I look to my higher power to help me, and it works magnificently. I am granted serenity. AA may not be for everyone but for many, it's the beacon that they needed to finally rid themselves of alcoholism.
I wish you the best of luck, it sounds like you found what works for you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Thanks for sharing and please check back in 6 months to share your experiences. I need to remember this is a lifelong sobriety trip for me and your thoughts are not interlaced with mine as I'm an old SOB with +30 years so far and don't have the education the newer generation displays. That made me think of whey they are on these forums?
I'm an alcoholic and am POWERLESS over alcohol weather I drink it or not! BE WELL
I'm an alcoholic and am POWERLESS over alcohol weather I drink it or not! BE WELL
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: England
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by coraltint 
I had a counselor at rehab who got me over my "higher power issues" by suggesting that every time I ran into HP in the steps, just look at it as an opportunity to admit that I wasn't God.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: England
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by Fandy
i treat everyone i interact with respect and friendly politeness.
we all deserve this, no matter if we have different opinions
we all deserve this, no matter if we have different opinions
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6
I'm new here - only day 2 - but just wanted to say your post resonated with me.
I prefer to stay clear of spirits too.
(pun intended)
And I have said "bad" things to people when drunk, but also I have kept bad company at times - friends of friends who I had very little in common with. I've apologised where applicable, but I don't miss them at all.
Anyway, best of luck to you.
I prefer to stay clear of spirits too.
(pun intended)And I have said "bad" things to people when drunk, but also I have kept bad company at times - friends of friends who I had very little in common with. I've apologised where applicable, but I don't miss them at all.
Anyway, best of luck to you.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: England
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
When I read your post I have to admit, it ruffled my feathers a bit. This is because you're negating a program that has helped so many people to get their families and jobs back, and perhaps to even come back from near death. People who have tried everything else and nothing seemed to work.
Then I had to understand that this is your opinion and what works for you, and for me, that's always a positive.
For me, the third time that I attempted to quit my attitude was the same as yours and it landed me right back into the bottle.
Before AA, for me, it was relapse after relapse after relapse.
Only through AA and my 4th attempt at abstinence have I been able to not only achieve sobriety, but to be genuinely happy that I'm sober. It's a peace that I have never felt and when I crave a drink I'm not miss pissy bit*&ing about the fact that I can't drink, I look to my higher power to help me, and it works magnificently. I am granted serenity. AA may not be for everyone but for many, it's the beacon that they needed to finally rid themselves of alcoholism.
I wish you the best of luck, it sounds like you found what works for you!
Then I had to understand that this is your opinion and what works for you, and for me, that's always a positive.
For me, the third time that I attempted to quit my attitude was the same as yours and it landed me right back into the bottle.
Before AA, for me, it was relapse after relapse after relapse.
Only through AA and my 4th attempt at abstinence have I been able to not only achieve sobriety, but to be genuinely happy that I'm sober. It's a peace that I have never felt and when I crave a drink I'm not miss pissy bit*&ing about the fact that I can't drink, I look to my higher power to help me, and it works magnificently. I am granted serenity. AA may not be for everyone but for many, it's the beacon that they needed to finally rid themselves of alcoholism.
I wish you the best of luck, it sounds like you found what works for you!
But I've got to examine what my options are and be honest with myself.
I don't want to disrespect anyone.
AA is a route that is open to me, but I need to understand if it's the right route.
For me, if 12 steps helps people kick the booze then power to it.
I don't judge.
Just trying to talk about how I feel. :-)
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by rattus99
I was aware that I might ruffle feathers a bit.
But I've got to examine what my options are and be honest with myself.
I don't want to disrespect anyone.
AA is a route that is open to me, but I need to understand if it's the right route.
For me, if 12 steps helps people kick the booze then power to it.
I don't judge.
Just trying to talk about how I feel. :-)
But I've got to examine what my options are and be honest with myself.
I don't want to disrespect anyone.
AA is a route that is open to me, but I need to understand if it's the right route.
For me, if 12 steps helps people kick the booze then power to it.
I don't judge.
Just trying to talk about how I feel. :-)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I was aware that I might ruffle feathers a bit.
But I've got to examine what my options are and be honest with myself.
I don't want to disrespect anyone.
AA is a route that is open to me, but I need to understand if it's the right route.
For me, if 12 steps helps people kick the booze then power to it.
I don't judge.
Just trying to talk about how I feel. :-)
But I've got to examine what my options are and be honest with myself.
I don't want to disrespect anyone.
AA is a route that is open to me, but I need to understand if it's the right route.
For me, if 12 steps helps people kick the booze then power to it.
I don't judge.
Just trying to talk about how I feel. :-)
I remind everyone again of our rule:
The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Congratulations on your decision to quit. I admit I agree with some of the sentiment of the OP. I feel that I am powerless against alcohol but not over it. Had I continued drinking I think I would have understood what that means. All in all though I think those steps have merit. Maybe you will have your spiritual experience without the HP belief. I had it and I am about as anti-religion as they come. Maybe it came from inside me. It didn't feel that way though.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
hopeit works for ya, but theres something that stumps me.
doesn't sayin this:
"... I may be delusional at times but I have no problem admitting that I am not God!! :-) "
negate saying this:
"I have no intention of trying to improve my conscious contact with non existent entities."
some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil til we let go absolutely.
to add, if this is how you feel, then AA may not be for you.
doesn't sayin this:
"... I may be delusional at times but I have no problem admitting that I am not God!! :-) "
negate saying this:
"I have no intention of trying to improve my conscious contact with non existent entities."
some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil til we let go absolutely.
to add, if this is how you feel, then AA may not be for you.
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Deep in the heart of LaLa land
Posts: 688
[QUOTE=rattus99;4087346]
I’ve hurt dozens of people. Most of them deserve it and given the opportunity I’d stuff them again. The one person I am willing to make amends to is my wife.
[QUOTE=rattus99;4087346]
See this is the one that stuck out for me. I've never met an alcoholic/addict who wasn't full of anger, resentment, bitterness and blamed the world and everybody else for his failings. And here's you getting worked up about a recovery method!
You have to find your way in learning to cope and dissipate the rage mate. It's the one overriding factor that WILL make you drink again. I've had a twenty year battle with drugs and alcohol. I too struggled with the concepts and program. Eventually I surrendered. I surrendered to the fact that even though AA/NA wasn't right for me, I was using my inability to get it as an excuse for my relapses.
There is an oft-quoted expression from the rooms-take what you want and leave the rest. That's what I do now. I take the fellowship, the support and the face-to-face when I need it. I combine that with aspects of other recovery programs. And it is built on a bedrock this time of a singular commitment that whatever the situation, I WILL NOT pick up or use.
I work hard at staying clean, harder than Ive ever done before. I'm facing up to the wreckage and damage I've caused to mine and other people's lives. I've accepted that even in situations where I felt wronged-and there have been many-my drinking and using played a part in those situations coming about.
It's just my experience but I urge that instead of worrying about the negatives as you see them in programs, you use the time to see the positives in recovery methods that work for you.
It really doesn't matter how you get there just so long as you do.
I’ve hurt dozens of people. Most of them deserve it and given the opportunity I’d stuff them again. The one person I am willing to make amends to is my wife.
[QUOTE=rattus99;4087346]
See this is the one that stuck out for me. I've never met an alcoholic/addict who wasn't full of anger, resentment, bitterness and blamed the world and everybody else for his failings. And here's you getting worked up about a recovery method!
You have to find your way in learning to cope and dissipate the rage mate. It's the one overriding factor that WILL make you drink again. I've had a twenty year battle with drugs and alcohol. I too struggled with the concepts and program. Eventually I surrendered. I surrendered to the fact that even though AA/NA wasn't right for me, I was using my inability to get it as an excuse for my relapses.
There is an oft-quoted expression from the rooms-take what you want and leave the rest. That's what I do now. I take the fellowship, the support and the face-to-face when I need it. I combine that with aspects of other recovery programs. And it is built on a bedrock this time of a singular commitment that whatever the situation, I WILL NOT pick up or use.
I work hard at staying clean, harder than Ive ever done before. I'm facing up to the wreckage and damage I've caused to mine and other people's lives. I've accepted that even in situations where I felt wronged-and there have been many-my drinking and using played a part in those situations coming about.
It's just my experience but I urge that instead of worrying about the negatives as you see them in programs, you use the time to see the positives in recovery methods that work for you.
It really doesn't matter how you get there just so long as you do.
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