Defining moment / Enoughs enough
 

I had a defining moment , actually more than one. It was an
Enoughs enough moment , I can't do this no more . Use drugs \ drink

Mine came as I lay on my couch , blinds drawn , 90° day , high as a kite.

I could hear the neighbor outside weed whacking or something
God I hope he don't knock . I can't talk to no one.

I took another big hit , started to hallucinat . Rushed to the door & ran outside. Quick I needed air.

Hello neighbour ! " Is everything OK , you don't look good " him. Me " Errr Ummm , yea , just not feeling well , see ya "

That was it . My very living , my housing was at stake . What if he knew ? That was 13 days ago .

What about you ? What made you say , This is it ! No more !

I'm hoping this is the beginning of your sober life. It's worth it, you know.:)

Least : I'll be honest .

I scared myself straight .
Tomorrow's , 2 weeks . I'm done.

I'll never go back to that place , that dark place

I am loving your calendar trikyriky. I'm gonna make one of those tomorrow.

My enough is enough moment came when my husband found me sitting in a computer chair, fast asleep, still clutching a glass of gin and with When A Man Loves A Woman playing very loudly on the movie player at 6.30 in the morning. He left me there "to rot" he said. Which I very nearly did. That was 16 days ago. 16 sober days.

:tapping

Somewhere I read this quote about sobriety ... I don't know who wrote it

"Some can only see the temple from far away" (or something like that).

Essentially, sometimes we have to be really wasted to discover that all we want is to be sober. I used to get those moments of clarity as well. Mentally in outer space and all I really want is to be clean.

I had to almost die to quit meth. Not sure about alcohol. I hadn't hit bottom. But I woke up after a night of uncontrolled drinking and saw, with the blinders of denial removed, my drinking for what it was and where it was headed if I didn't stop. I thank my HP for that split second of utter clarity.

Good luck and many blessing on your journey, Triky.

I was drinking rum and watching Andy Murray win Wimbledon when I realised I was just tired of drinking. I didn't even enjoy it anymore. I wanted to finally finish the drink that I've kept topping up for more than a decade and the only way to do that was to stop drinking it. That was 17 days ago and I already can't believe how far I've come in those 17 days just by not drinking and by immersing myself in recovery.

I was driving texting and almost hit a couple, haven't had a drink since and won't. .. keep thinking what a mess my life was and the jail I would be in if I had hit that young couple. ..

I ended up in the hospital after a black out wherein I tried to remove myself from this earth. I don't ever want to go back to that dark place. I am glad you started this thread, sometimes i need to be reminded how far I have come. I think it's great you have made such a positive change, I love your calendar pic!

I had relapsed, was back with XABF#3 and realized I was about to lose my car...first one I'd had in years. He said "f the car, you can always make money for us to smoke (prostitution)" and my heart and head finally agreed. I couldn't do it any more.

6+ years in recovery, he died a few years ago in a crack house.

Congratulations on 13 days!!!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Thanks for your honest share...

The guilt and shame I felt after sobering up and reading very bitter, insulting, and angry letters I sent to my 3 sons.

It trumped all of the accidents, 72 hour holds, family fights, drunken sex, divorces, having family called in twice to the ER because I might not make it... on and on and on....

From what I know and heard it can be utterly tragic, very subtle, and even how we feel and think clean and sober.

Thats EASY....
 

PAIN.

Physical, mental and emotional.

Congratulations on another day in the real world!

I'm really happy for you Riky! :c011:

Had the jails, institutions, suicide attempts, nothing left. Suicide didn't work.

Was facing a mental institution. Life was over had to get off the fence. Had to surrender. Drugs and alcohol won. Raised the white flag. I tried my best to stay out there, just nothing left in a bottle of pills, alcohol ,or a pipe. Had to finally admit, suck up my Irish pride and say I am done, Help me.

My 16 year old daughter got picked up by the police Feb 9th drunk. My husband had to go get her because of course I had been drinking. When she got home I didn't see myself in her. I saw my brother. Hooked from the first time he drank with this amazing ability to do so. My husband thinks it's just a kid being a kid. I knew she was in real danger if this continued. So I had to come clean.

It was a culmination of things. Passing out in an airport far from home and ending up in a hospital not knowing how I'd gotten there, getting hospitalized over a holiday and having to lie to everyone about what was making me "sick," thinking I'd be better off dead, hiding in hotel rooms drinking when I should have been working...lovely stuff like that.

But the final one was just walking around with an overall premonition that I was standing right on the edge of something really, really bad (hurting myself or someone else...or worse) and I just couldn't shake that feeling no matter how obliterated I got. Despite being a drunk for a long time, I have always had a good sixth sense so I figured it was about time I listened.

Logged on to SR that night and stayed here all night...that was five and a half months ago. Haven't picked up since. Think I finally got it through my thick skull about tempting fate.

And realizing I just might have something to live for, too :)

Thanks for the question, Ricky, and...hey...14 days!!! So happy for you! And so grateful for all the help you've so freely given me over the months...you rock, my friend :tyou

I had to go back and check to see when my "enough is enough" moment was because I was drunk when it happened and it's been a few months. It was a day just like any other, I got up and went outside to smoke a cigarette and contemplate whether or not it was worth living another day like this. Then I went back inside, opened a beer, and started surfing the web like I always did. I had previously searched for treatment centers in the area but never did anything more than bookmark the websites. Then the *moment of clarity*. After several beers I pulled up one of the websites, got the number and called. They made an appointment for me for the following Tuesday and told me not to stop drinking until I came in. I dutifully obeyed their instructions and the morning of the appointment I had 3 beers on the 30 minute drive there. The next day was my day 1.

My gran died and all i thought about was how loaded i could get .

Before that i kinda saw it as my own personal tragedy, realized how self involed i was at that point and haven't drank since .

Thanks for the thought provoking thread Ricky, m

I remember it being Christmas and new year.

The whole concept of if you don't want to get drunk, then don't drink really made sense.

I think I also started to feel quite angry towards alcohol, probably because it was Christmas and New year.

The anger was that WHY was it felt necessary to celebrate every holiday, birthday, new year, new baby born, a death etc etc with large amounts of booze?

I wanted to create different memories at these celebrations.
I didn't want to spend new years day throwing up with a hangover.

I did not want to lay in bed on boxing day with a bad head. I wanted to be marking the day with a visit somewhere nice with my family. Or going for a long walk and having lunch afterwards.

I had cut down dramatically by then but kept having the odd glass of wine.

I started to even resent that sporadic drinking.
I just decided I enjoyed the mornings when I had no drunk the night before. I had also enjoyed alcohol free evenings and I wanted that to be my life from then on.

I wish you the best
xx

beginning day 14
 

I just wanted to take a second to thank everyone for sharing