Defining moment / Enoughs enough
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 41
I was visiting home last weekend. Rather than spending time with my family I said a quick hello and went to my room with 4 bottles of wine. After a while my parents went to bed, under the impression that I was having a glass or two while surfing the web.
An hour or two later I stepped outside for a cigarette and vomited. I passed out on one of our lawn chairs before my sister came outside to see what was going on. She found me in that state and crying, she put me to bed, saying "You can't go on like this, you'll be dead before you're 30".
When I had sobered up the next day, I knew that I'd never again let a drop pass my lips. Seeing how much it upset and worried my little sister, I made a promise to her that I'd stop with this lifestyle.
Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom to fully realise how bad things have gotten.
An hour or two later I stepped outside for a cigarette and vomited. I passed out on one of our lawn chairs before my sister came outside to see what was going on. She found me in that state and crying, she put me to bed, saying "You can't go on like this, you'll be dead before you're 30".
When I had sobered up the next day, I knew that I'd never again let a drop pass my lips. Seeing how much it upset and worried my little sister, I made a promise to her that I'd stop with this lifestyle.
Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom to fully realise how bad things have gotten.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Originally Posted by Ptcapote 
It was a culmination of things.
But the final one was just walking around with an overall premonition that I was standing right on the edge of something really, really bad (hurting myself or someone else...or worse)
But the final one was just walking around with an overall premonition that I was standing right on the edge of something really, really bad (hurting myself or someone else...or worse)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
I was going to an occasional AA meeting but still doing things my way. Unique? No and unsuccessful! After many mornings of promising myself I'll not drink tonight I repeated the same insanity and said the same again and again. Then one day a good # of years ago I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and asked for help and practically from that day till today the desire has been removed which involved a bunch of work to this day. BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 72
I went to a concert that I was super excited about. Ended up blacking out as usual and have no memory of the band I paid to go see. Decided at some point during my black out that I could drive (luckily I didn't hurt anyone). Woke up the next morning at home with no memory of how I got there and had a horrible hangover. My children watching me as I threw up and could barely function made me realize that I couldn't do this to them or myself anymore!
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Ricky.... Very very cool post. Honest.
I have had a similar moment when I was high. I used wonder how come I still smoke it when while I am high I don't want it any more. The two feeling never agreed with me.
Seeing people do normal things made me feel horrible about myself. I did nothing but get high.
Congrats on the two weeks.
I have had a similar moment when I was high. I used wonder how come I still smoke it when while I am high I don't want it any more. The two feeling never agreed with me.
Seeing people do normal things made me feel horrible about myself. I did nothing but get high.
Congrats on the two weeks.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: MPLS, MN
Posts: 164
February 6, 2012 I woke up so hung over I couldn't go to work... again. No more of this stuff I said. Decided to quit which turned into taking a 1 year break which then only lasted 4 months with me vowing to change my ways. Ways were not changed. I went through every moderation regimen I could think of but it never put out the fire, only stoked it.
February 5th, 2012 I woke up slightly hungover with a strong craving for some hair of the dog but it was a work day and I had to take the little one to tumbling class that night while my wife took my other daughter to gymnastics, so no drink for me. But the voice in my head was devising ways to get some drinks in without it getting in the way of my responsibility. I know, leave work early, have a couple at the bar and by the time I had to take my daughter to her class the booze would be worn off by then (which it wouldn't but you know how the alkie's mind works.) But while at work a client stopped in to pick up a job I did for him and he had a gift for me: a couple bottles of some strong beer. This was around noon. They sat on my desk for about a half hour before I brought them into the bathroom and slammed them... at work... I never did that before. I justified this by saying that these are the beers I will have to ease the cravings I'm having. But by the time I had to leave the cravings did not ease so I had a couple more at the bar before I headed home. But the craving did not die and I was in the grip of the alcohol by now so I picked up a bomber at the liq, slammed it and brushed my teeth and showered before my wife and kids got home. Wife left with the older child and I, drunk, loaded my little one in the truck and brought her to tumbling class... I never did that before either. During the class while I was fumbling around all I could think about was getting home and when my wife showed up I would leave again and get more booze. But by the time class was over with the alkie in me was screaming for more so before we headed home I stopped at the liq, with daughter in arm I bought two more bombers and headed home. I put her in the living room with toys while I chugged both bottles in the basement bathroom, but the little one was cranky and needed attention so I put her in her high chair so she couldn't get into trouble while I went back to the basement to drink. She was crying in the chair while I was drinking on a toilet. I just needed to get this in me and over with and that's when it hit me. This is rock bottom. I knew I was a drunk who had to quit but I still thought I could tame the alcoholic inside me that was getting more and more out of control but this was insane. What the hell am I doing I thought? I looked in the mirror and I did not like what I saw. Then my wife came home. I dumped what was left in the last bottle I had and took off, just left without saying a word. I drove (drunk) to a hardware store parking lot and started calling AA places but I was so discombobulated I didn't know what to do. So I went home after a couple hours to a wife that was scared and mad. I had no more excuses. I did not know what I was going to do. I was ready to enter rehab, see a therapist, whatever. I was ready. I woke up, went to an AA meeting declared myself an alcoholic and that was it. Haven't drank since and have no plans to at all. Ever.
It was hard for me to accept my alcoholism for years because I was a fun drunk. I wasn't a dangerous or mean drunk. I didn't drink when I had a responsibility. Sure, I had "fun" a lot but I still had a grip. But that grip was getting more loose as the years went on till I couldn't stay sober for a few hours. Heck, it all started when I had those 2 beers given to me at work, I just couldn't let them sit, they called me. And I couldn't end it there, even knowing that I have to drive with my child later, I had to have more. Sitting on that toilet with a bottle in my hand with my baby girl crying upstairs strapped to a high chair because daddy is busy drinking his life away is my defining moment.
(one of these days I'll learn to write shorter posts)
February 5th, 2012 I woke up slightly hungover with a strong craving for some hair of the dog but it was a work day and I had to take the little one to tumbling class that night while my wife took my other daughter to gymnastics, so no drink for me. But the voice in my head was devising ways to get some drinks in without it getting in the way of my responsibility. I know, leave work early, have a couple at the bar and by the time I had to take my daughter to her class the booze would be worn off by then (which it wouldn't but you know how the alkie's mind works.) But while at work a client stopped in to pick up a job I did for him and he had a gift for me: a couple bottles of some strong beer. This was around noon. They sat on my desk for about a half hour before I brought them into the bathroom and slammed them... at work... I never did that before. I justified this by saying that these are the beers I will have to ease the cravings I'm having. But by the time I had to leave the cravings did not ease so I had a couple more at the bar before I headed home. But the craving did not die and I was in the grip of the alcohol by now so I picked up a bomber at the liq, slammed it and brushed my teeth and showered before my wife and kids got home. Wife left with the older child and I, drunk, loaded my little one in the truck and brought her to tumbling class... I never did that before either. During the class while I was fumbling around all I could think about was getting home and when my wife showed up I would leave again and get more booze. But by the time class was over with the alkie in me was screaming for more so before we headed home I stopped at the liq, with daughter in arm I bought two more bombers and headed home. I put her in the living room with toys while I chugged both bottles in the basement bathroom, but the little one was cranky and needed attention so I put her in her high chair so she couldn't get into trouble while I went back to the basement to drink. She was crying in the chair while I was drinking on a toilet. I just needed to get this in me and over with and that's when it hit me. This is rock bottom. I knew I was a drunk who had to quit but I still thought I could tame the alcoholic inside me that was getting more and more out of control but this was insane. What the hell am I doing I thought? I looked in the mirror and I did not like what I saw. Then my wife came home. I dumped what was left in the last bottle I had and took off, just left without saying a word. I drove (drunk) to a hardware store parking lot and started calling AA places but I was so discombobulated I didn't know what to do. So I went home after a couple hours to a wife that was scared and mad. I had no more excuses. I did not know what I was going to do. I was ready to enter rehab, see a therapist, whatever. I was ready. I woke up, went to an AA meeting declared myself an alcoholic and that was it. Haven't drank since and have no plans to at all. Ever.
It was hard for me to accept my alcoholism for years because I was a fun drunk. I wasn't a dangerous or mean drunk. I didn't drink when I had a responsibility. Sure, I had "fun" a lot but I still had a grip. But that grip was getting more loose as the years went on till I couldn't stay sober for a few hours. Heck, it all started when I had those 2 beers given to me at work, I just couldn't let them sit, they called me. And I couldn't end it there, even knowing that I have to drive with my child later, I had to have more. Sitting on that toilet with a bottle in my hand with my baby girl crying upstairs strapped to a high chair because daddy is busy drinking his life away is my defining moment.
(one of these days I'll learn to write shorter posts)
Breaking Thru
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,219
Opercent : eyeopening , just goes to show how the "stinkin thinkin" AV will take our morals of whats right or wrong and twists them to feed itself.
Weasel : You nailed it . At the end I was the same .
All of it , from black outs , premonitions , avoiding family & friends to down right scary
That's what it finally took to see our addiction with a clear lense and not the shaded one's of our AV.
Wow ! Some pretty good stuff
Enoughs Enough
Weasel : You nailed it . At the end I was the same .
All of it , from black outs , premonitions , avoiding family & friends to down right scary
That's what it finally took to see our addiction with a clear lense and not the shaded one's of our AV.
Wow ! Some pretty good stuff
Enoughs Enough
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Hey, Triky. My defining moment happened last summer, in July 2012 to be exact. There was a much anticipate cycling race in my city that my husband and I had looked forward to all year long. We had to make reservations at the fanciest restaurant in town with the best view ONE YEAR in advance. On the car ride to the event less than one mile from our house, my husband had to pull the car over so I could get out and throw up. Classy. He turned the car around and straight home we went. He called the restaurant and cancelled our much coveted patio reserved table for two. I told him it was my time of the month and that's why I was so "sick" (another classy move on my part). That was my defining moment. That being said, I didn't officially quit drinking until August 20, 2012, but the incident the month before definitely gave me pause and time to seriously think over my future decision. And guess what? A couple of weeks ago we attended that same cycling event at the same restaurant and got the same great patio seating. And best of all? I was freakin' sober to enjoy it all! Also, a couple of days before going I was telling my husband I was so excited to see this race. He said to me, "Just don't get sick on the way there." That's when I told him that I was 100% sure that wasn't going to happen and I came clean, telling him why I had gotten so sick last year. His reaction? "OK." All this time (almost one year) I was afraid to tell him what really happened because I feared being rejected. Looks like my fears were unfounded.
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