Just checkin' In .. Still Jonesin though
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Boston, MA.
Posts: 1,756
Just checkin' In .. Still Jonesin though
It feels so very "cold" in this house :-( my ex. Won't even eat w\ me now .. She has put up her "walls" as she said. Her defense mechanism. Where as now, I want to get drunk; my defense. But I won't while she is here, so that is a plus I guess lol
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Lincoln, Nebraska
Posts: 24
My ex is putting his walls up... understandably so, but he is the only one I know I wont drink around. Everyone else... loves to drink.
Idle time makes me want to drink.
Just checkin in too ^-^
Idle time makes me want to drink.
Just checkin in too ^-^
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Boston, MA.
Posts: 1,756
Yea it does *sigh* Being "in my head" has pushed me to the point I want to get a bottle of whiskey that is how strong my urges are the past couple days . I am trying to fend them off .. Like I said tommorrow is a Doc appointment so I know I won't before that .. Afterwards I do have another semi-important appointment as well so That will hold me off till 2pm+ lol Then I should be tired so sleep will hold me off :p Then my Ex will be home soooo That takes me to thursday ... and Yea I am already plotting 
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
I have thoughts to drink too. All week they have been with me and I hate it. I am sad & lonely and want to escape. But if I do that I won't learn how to deal with whatever it is I need to deal with. I am refusing to give into the alcohol. It's like a monster that wants to win and I refuse to be beat!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,364
We don't need a promise AW - but I think you should make a promise to yourself to stay sober - stay sober and work hard and you will get to a better place..drink, and you'll go nowhere, man.
D
D
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Boston, MA.
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I know Dee; I know .. that is what is driving me crazy the most .. I mean I know what I need to do; what I should do and what I more or less want to do .. But it is driving me mad not to be able to escape .. I mean tomorrow; I finally will have something for my back pain; after running short a week (mainly cause the Doc and I are trying to tweak my prescription so I am not on too many hard core Pills) and the Common sense in me will not let me drink if I take the meds; cause of the effect and all.. and I have never drank on them .. But then this evil in me wants to just say funk it and not deal and eat pills and grab a bottle of Whiskey and do some shots for a "better escape" :|
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by AugustWest11 
But then this evil in me wants to just say funk it and not deal and eat pills and grab a bottle of Whiskey and do some shots for a "better escape" :|
It's never a bad time to stop.
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Yea; I know; hence I never mix them .. Going on 5 years and I have never mixed the pain pills and Beers .. even at my heaviest binges .. But now; I mean I just want to crawl under a rock .. But I am not suicidal; I know I have a lot to live for and a lot to still do .. I just want a "break" from Life I guess .. Just so hard .. Seems i might just be drowning in self pity today\tonight ..
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by AugustWest11
Yea; I know; hence I never mix them .. Going on 5 years and I have never mixed the pain pills and Beers .. even at my heaviest binges .. But now; I mean I just want to crawl under a rock .. But I am not suicidal; I know I have a lot to live for and a lot to still do .. I just want a "break" from Life I guess .. Just so hard .. Seems i might just be drowning in self pity today\tonight ..
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
August I can tell you being in your head and letting those thoughts dance around will keep you stuck. I stayed stuck for over a month I was sober yes but I was f ing miserable. Everyone would talk about AV this and that and I would only further infuriate me. Dee reminded me that not drinking was only a small part, that changing our day to day thinking acting views of ourselfs will be the crowbar that will unstick you.
I know you want this!!!! I've seen you around here for as long as I've been here so you have the desire, the will. In the most compassionate way I say... You have to change your thinking your being your day to day. This may sound annoying so I'm sorry in advance
.... But start talking to yourself kindly. I think many of us talk so negatively to ourselves beat ourself up allow no room for us to be the best we can be. After all if we don't believe in ourselves how could we ever achieve anything, set oustlves up to fail! You can do this SR is rooting for you start rooting for you too.
I know you want this!!!! I've seen you around here for as long as I've been here so you have the desire, the will. In the most compassionate way I say... You have to change your thinking your being your day to day. This may sound annoying so I'm sorry in advance
.... But start talking to yourself kindly. I think many of us talk so negatively to ourselves beat ourself up allow no room for us to be the best we can be. After all if we don't believe in ourselves how could we ever achieve anything, set oustlves up to fail! You can do this SR is rooting for you start rooting for you too.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Center of Mass
Posts: 622
None of us can escape from ourselves. I realize I'm starting to sound like a broken record but the only thing, for me, that has turned off that "inner chatter" is meditation. Without it I'd still be drinking/using. OK, I'll get off my foolish soap box now.
I can't imaging how tough it must be to be around someone who has put up walls like that. It puts you in such an awkward position. As for not drinking ... it's easy to just keep saying "don't do it". Look deep inside yourself. If you've been sober this long I'll wager you've seen a path to being well. Drinking won't get you to that trip. It'll just postpones the pain by replacing it with another pain. Just a temporary distraction.
August you're clearly a bright person who has thought long and hard about all of this. I guess I'm just saying that I hope you decide not to drink, I hope for you be well, and I hope your situation improves. Hope isn't much ... but it's all I got.
I can't imaging how tough it must be to be around someone who has put up walls like that. It puts you in such an awkward position. As for not drinking ... it's easy to just keep saying "don't do it". Look deep inside yourself. If you've been sober this long I'll wager you've seen a path to being well. Drinking won't get you to that trip. It'll just postpones the pain by replacing it with another pain. Just a temporary distraction.
August you're clearly a bright person who has thought long and hard about all of this. I guess I'm just saying that I hope you decide not to drink, I hope for you be well, and I hope your situation improves. Hope isn't much ... but it's all I got.
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Originally Posted by InperfectlyMe
Dee reminded me that not drinking was only a small part, that changing our day to day thinking acting views of ourselfs will be the crowbar that will unstick you.
Yea I know; change, something I am not good at .. Never have been .. & I am trying to make a change, but things are just so .. Grrrr right now I really "don't wanna deal"
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Join Date: May 2013
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Posts: 1,756
Originally Posted by Bruce292
None of us can escape from ourselves. I realize I'm starting to sound like a broken record but the only thing, for me, that has turned off that "inner chatter" is meditation. Without it I'd still be drinking/using. OK, I'll get off my foolish soap box now.
I can't imaging how tough it must be to be around someone who has put up walls like that. It puts you in such an awkward position. As for not drinking ... it's easy to just keep saying "don't do it". Look deep inside yourself. If you've been sober this long I'll wager you've seen a path to being well. Drinking won't get you to that trip. It'll just postpones the pain by replacing it with another pain. Just a temporary distraction.
August you're clearly a bright person who has thought long and hard about all of this. I guess I'm just saying that I hope you decide not to drink, I hope for you be well, and I hope your situation improves. Hope isn't much ... but it's all I got.
I can't imaging how tough it must be to be around someone who has put up walls like that. It puts you in such an awkward position. As for not drinking ... it's easy to just keep saying "don't do it". Look deep inside yourself. If you've been sober this long I'll wager you've seen a path to being well. Drinking won't get you to that trip. It'll just postpones the pain by replacing it with another pain. Just a temporary distraction.
August you're clearly a bright person who has thought long and hard about all of this. I guess I'm just saying that I hope you decide not to drink, I hope for you be well, and I hope your situation improves. Hope isn't much ... but it's all I got.
wish I knew I wouldn't drink and I have made my decision; but I trually don't know .. I know I have a Doc. appointment at 11am; I know I am in pain; so the good news is I will take something for it once the prescription is filled, the bad news is the bus drops me off in front of the packie But again; I got that 5 year streak going of not mixing my meds & Booze so don't wanna ruin that right :p Trying to "learn" to meditate but as you've read and all; I just got way too much going on to be able to "pick it up" I can't shut my brain down right now Just not happening .. It's like I have a million superballs bouncing around in there .. Will be around for an hour before my shower then on my journey .. For the first time since '95; I actually wish I still drove lol
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