I've been noticing over the past two or so years that my drinking was spiraling down a path I did not want it to go. I have four family members in AA, and a few others who should be, so I always knew I had a back-up plan... but I also sort of felt pressured. It's like they were waiting for me to join them and start going to meetings and give up my lifestyle (which I thought was AMAZING).
I mean- what was wrong with going out and getting drunk every single night???? I'm only 22. I'm young. How else am I going to meet a husband. Plus- outdrinking the guys always made me feel special. But I always forgot this about my super-awesome drinking nights- there was always a tomorrow. And unfortunately, most of my tomorrows were composed of being hungover, laying in the dark, and getting texts about everything idiotic I had done the night before- that is if I didn't wake up in the bed of a complete stranger.
Then came the last night of this lifestyle. . . I had a few friends over for a BITCHIN party. Hot tub, wine, beer, shots, everything that would make me the most popular girl in town- for sure. Eventually- I am nearly blacked out. People start to leave around midnight, so I drink more and attempt to convince them to stay- but to no avail. I decided I should drive to the local bar and try to find some better friends--- at least, that's what I think I got in the car for. . . and that about the last thing I remember before I hear someone asking "Are you ok, get out, turn the car off, ARE YOU OK!" then next thing I know, I'm surrounded by four cops, getting multiple sobriety tests, and then getting cuffed and taken downtown...
All I know is that was the longest night of my life- and I was blacked out for the majority of it. Now that I'm concussed, facing jailtime, and hated by people who trusted me most- I realize that I NEVER want to feel this way again. I want friends who like me in the daytime, who stop me from driving blacked out, and friends who also know how to take a night to chill and stay home with the family. I'm 90% I won't find friends like that sitting the next stool over at the bar- and I'm also 100% sure I never want alcohol to pass through my lips again. Some of my worst memories and most embarrassing memories happened while drinking- so why would I do that to myself???
I just started going to meetings with my aunts and uncle- and I have never felt so welcome- while sober. It is a truly is a blessing to be alive and to even experience these thoughts. I have my whole life ahead of me- and I don't want to miss it because of a black out.
I have to keep going back to these meetings because I KNOW it works if I WORK IT.