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Old 07-23-2013, 02:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I've been noticing over the past two or so years that my drinking was spiraling down a path I did not want it to go. I have four family members in AA, and a few others who should be, so I always knew I had a back-up plan... but I also sort of felt pressured. It's like they were waiting for me to join them and start going to meetings and give up my lifestyle (which I thought was AMAZING).
I mean- what was wrong with going out and getting drunk every single night???? I'm only 22. I'm young. How else am I going to meet a husband. Plus- outdrinking the guys always made me feel special. But I always forgot this about my super-awesome drinking nights- there was always a tomorrow. And unfortunately, most of my tomorrows were composed of being hungover, laying in the dark, and getting texts about everything idiotic I had done the night before- that is if I didn't wake up in the bed of a complete stranger.

Then came the last night of this lifestyle. . . I had a few friends over for a BITCHIN party. Hot tub, wine, beer, shots, everything that would make me the most popular girl in town- for sure. Eventually- I am nearly blacked out. People start to leave around midnight, so I drink more and attempt to convince them to stay- but to no avail. I decided I should drive to the local bar and try to find some better friends--- at least, that's what I think I got in the car for. . . and that about the last thing I remember before I hear someone asking "Are you ok, get out, turn the car off, ARE YOU OK!" then next thing I know, I'm surrounded by four cops, getting multiple sobriety tests, and then getting cuffed and taken downtown...

All I know is that was the longest night of my life- and I was blacked out for the majority of it. Now that I'm concussed, facing jailtime, and hated by people who trusted me most- I realize that I NEVER want to feel this way again. I want friends who like me in the daytime, who stop me from driving blacked out, and friends who also know how to take a night to chill and stay home with the family. I'm 90% I won't find friends like that sitting the next stool over at the bar- and I'm also 100% sure I never want alcohol to pass through my lips again. Some of my worst memories and most embarrassing memories happened while drinking- so why would I do that to myself???

I just started going to meetings with my aunts and uncle- and I have never felt so welcome- while sober. It is a truly is a blessing to be alive and to even experience these thoughts. I have my whole life ahead of me- and I don't want to miss it because of a black out.

I have to keep going back to these meetings because I KNOW it works if I WORK IT.
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Old 07-23-2013, 02:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to our community. It was also a run in with the law that began my journey of recovery. I was also a black-out drinker. I am so grateful to the judge that court ordered me to 12-Step meetings. Also grateful that somewhere I found the willingness to apply myself and participate and follow suggestions of those with seasoned recovery.
You will find lots of support here. I'm glad you found us.
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Old 07-23-2013, 02:30 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Way to go tarebear!!!

I cringe when I think of all the bad things that I have done that were 100% a result of drinking/drugs.

As I've mentioned to a few other new folks your age - I WISH had had the wisdom you have when I was your age. Congrats on seeing this now before things get even worse.
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Old 07-23-2013, 03:47 PM   #4 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
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to SR! You'll find lots of support here. You can change your life for the better and we're here to help.
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Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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Old 07-23-2013, 04:15 PM   #5 (permalink)
willingness is the key!
 
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Welcome!!! We are here to support you love!! One day at a time!!
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Old 07-23-2013, 04:21 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Tarebear, to SR, good place to be to stay sober. You can do it, rootin for ya.
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Old 07-23-2013, 04:28 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Blackout weekend drinker here...I can identify with wanting to be the life of the party. Drinking with the guys made me feel special too. Social drinking is my downfall. It gets to the point where it doesn't take much to get you to the blackout stage, or at least the hangover stage the next day. So lucky I didn't get picked up on a DUI so many irresponsible nights. On day three...SR is a great place for support!
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Old 07-23-2013, 04:33 PM   #8 (permalink)
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welcome tarebear

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Old 07-23-2013, 04:37 PM   #9 (permalink)
Learning to live again
 
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Hi tarebear! Welcome to the family.

I'm so happy you've come to that realization. It's hard to admit what was once fun has turned into a nightmare. I was much older when I finally saw the light. You won't have to go through the hell that many of us have - you know what needs to be done. Welcome to your new and beautiful life - lived with a clear head and eyes wide open.
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A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 07-24-2013, 06:43 AM   #10 (permalink)
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thank you everyone! i just CANNOT believe how amazing everyone in the program is. So much wisdom and advice to offer. I've never felt more welcomed...EVER.
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Old 07-24-2013, 09:45 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi Tarebear, and welcome! I was also a weekend warrior and blackout drinker. I got my first DUI at your age and then progressed over the next 15 years to become a nightly drinker and then a nightly blackout drinker. I am now in my late 30s and wish I had taken that first warning when I was 22. I most certainly did not get better.

Awesome that you recognize the problem now and want to do something about it. Don't know where you are in PA...I live in DC now but am from Philly originally. I'm pretty familiar with the AA scene there and it's a good one. But since you have family in the program it sounds like you have an excellent base to start from. You can totally do this and, as everyone here has said, we are with you 100%.

So very glad to have you with us!!
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Old 07-24-2013, 09:52 AM   #12 (permalink)
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thanks all! and i'm in the reading area- there are some GREAT meetings. I have been to one every day this week!! It helps me stay out of the inner-workings of my mind and out in the world learning new tactics of coping while meeting new people!! I'm going to keep going to meetings everyday until I feel completely comfortable sitting at home. THANKS EVERYONE!!!!
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Old 07-24-2013, 10:17 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome!!!!!
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