NorCaliGal

Well I did it again. I'm sure you guessed it. Went to a party and got super drunk. Don't remember much about the evening after a certain point. Ruined a pair of white pants will a huge red wine spill (have no idea if I spilled or someone else did.) Spent the night in the spare bedroom at my brothers. Feel like crap today - no headache amazingly enough, but sweats, chills, shakes, threw up twice which caused broken blood vessels around my eyes. Haven't thrown up in a very very long time. Feeling depressed now and disgusted with myself. Hope I didn't behave too badly at that party. Cannot bring myself to reach out to others who were there to see if I did.

My boyfriend, who is a solo binge drinker, was drunk also. I'm pretty sure he had more to drink than I did, since he was doing shots and I stuck to beer and wine. I told him this morning that I'm not drinking any more. I was hoping he'd say he wasn't going to drink anymore either. But he just said "I can tell you feel strongly about this" to my not drinking anymore, and "We'll see. I can't promise you anything" about his drinking.

Wasting today lying on the couch. I feel horrible both mentally and physically. I hate this. Back to day one.

least

You know what to do now - get back up and start again. Forgive yourself and learn from it so you won't make the same mistake again.

Don't give up!

Mizzuno

Today is a new day. Sobriety is not easy, and I have had my share of starts and stops. You can do this. We are all here to support!

Bruce292

I know that "next morning" feeling. It's more than just a hangover. It's like having a hangover in your soul. However, this will pass. Get back up, dust yourself off, and try again. Try to remember the thought process that took place when you decided to drink. Remember that moment, write it down, watch out for it the next time. I found that helped.

Thank you for your post, and please keep posting.

NorCaliGal

Thanks Least...yes, I know what to do. I hope that now that I've actually told my boyfriend that I'm not drinking anymore I will then do it!! Past attempts have been private - except for posting here I never told anyone. I know that I just need to take it one day at a time. Funny how I thought that saying was just that - a saying. Now I know it has true meaning.

Wanting these hand tremors to go away. I haven't eaten anything today (can't stomach the thought of it), so the shaking could be partially caused by low blood sugar. Don't have any juice, so I'm trying an orange soda to try to get some sugar in my system.

So wish my boyfriend would not drink as well. Not to make it easier for me (he drinks hard alcohol, which is not tempting for me - I only drink beer and wine) but because he really needs to. His binges are bad! Days at a time inside his apartment only going out to get more booze from the grocery store across the street. I talked to him this morning after he'd gone home and I could tell he was drinking this morning. I couldn't believe it after we had drank sooooo much last night. I understand the hair of the dog bit, but he sounded like he had had more than just one to take the edge off. I just don't think he's ready to quit. Thankfully we don't live together. Even though he says he wants to live together I think he really doesn't want to so he can drink while he's at home.

I know this is rambling, but this is of course what my mind is doing right now, rambling. Just hope I can sleep tonight. My job is not going well (unrelated to my drinking, really, it's my assigned tasks that are crummy) and I have to meet the big boss tomorrow to discuss something that happened right before I left on Friday. A really important person at work sent an e-mail to the big boss saying that he was unhappy with something I'm coordinating. Eeek. Need to be at my best for that meeting.

Again, sorry for the rambling...

NorCaliGal

A hangover in you soul. That's exactly how it feels.

MentalRC

I think this is so smart. I'm like you in that I tried to get sober many times in secrecy and of course it never stuck for long. Telling key people in your life about your desire to stay sober is setting yourself up for success - it's much harder to relapse when the people around you are in on your secret.

Kudos for making the decision and sharing it with your boyfriend! I hope you're feeling better soon.

NorCaliGal

Thanks MentalIRC...Although I've told myself numerous timed before that I need to quit drinking, and have put together stretches of sobriety, this time I'm not feeling a lot of positive "can do" this. I'm extremely disgusted with myself for getting so drunk last night, so I thought 'fessing up to my boyfriend may help.

And I'm not gonna lie I was really hoping my boyfriend would say he needs to get sober too. But he's not ready I can tell. And I think we all know the desire to be sober has to come from within.

Dee74

Don't worry about what your bf does or doesn't do NorCaligirl - yes it might be nice to have him join you, but it's probably best not to have your sobriety be contingent on his anyway.

do this for you, by you
Welcome back

D

Taking5

Those hand tremors are alcohol withdrawal (along with sweats, shakes, chills and vomiting). If you keep drinking the tremors will escalate to other parts of your body.

Keep posting, this is a great place for support.

Sally3127

You said it, one day at a time. I can relate to your job situation too. I had some complaints concerning my job performance and had to have a meeting with the boss. It turned out okay but I was a nervous wreck but didn't drink over it. Just relax and be yourself. It will all work out.

escapist

My last hangover was so bad. I was sick for days. Alcohol withdrawal really shows you just how bad the stuff is. Good for you for deciding to quit.

DisplacedGRITS

It would be nice if your boyfriend decided to quit but that can be hard too. You don't want to rely too heavily on someone else's support to quit drinking. It could mean that if they slip, you slip. What would be good would be to get with some people who have a few years of sobriety on them. Learn what they did and listen to them. One of the best places for that is AA. Perhaps you could check out some meetings. Women's meetings are really great because they would be more relateable. I've found that being able to contact another sober alcoholic really helps me. They often have a clearer perspective of what's going on in my life than i do. Welcome to sobriety, hon!

EndGameNYC

Yes, I wish you a good night's sleep. If you start agonizing about your meeting tomorrow, you'll likely feel that having a nightcap will do the trick. That's what I used to do. My nightcaps lasted for a few hours, and I was usually barely able to function the next day.

Somewhere in the AA Big Book, it says something like, "We alcoholics have a knack for getting drunk at the worst possible time. The night before a job interview, before a business meeting, etc...

I don't know what it is that works for you when you need your sleep, but beer and wine won't help you out tomorrow.

NorCaliGal

Monday morning ugh....I slept okay all things considered. Had to get up several times during the night. All the water I drank yesterday caught up with me. Still feel shaky (couldn't eat anything yesterday which doesn't help), and feel feverish like I have a sunburn. Oh and horrible heartburn. Dreading work today. Not the best time not to be at 100%.

Not tempted to drink at all right now. I actually rarely have alcohol in the house, and there is none right now. Drinking in social situations is my downfall.

Thank you everyone for your support. I really appreciate it. SR is awesome. This is my day 2.

Lightning Bug

Maybe you could avoid social situations for now.

mecanix

Day 2 ,



bestwishes, m

NorCaliGal

Yes Earthsteps that's exactly what I need to do. Unfortunately, looking at my calendar there are several events that I really can't pass on so I will just have to figure out a game plan for each one to avoid or decline alcohol.

butterfly33

Yes indeed, those tremors used to scare the hell out of me when they reached my left shoulder. I won't miss them - or any other symptoms for all that matters. I hope you feel better soon

Mirage74

Hang in there, NorCaliGirl. I know how you feel, I did it again too over the weekend. I now have to confess to my outpatient treatment. The guilt is overwhelming. I realize I've strung together a small period of sober days here and there, but thats not quitting for good. That's what I need to do. Don't give up, it is possible to beat this, people have done it.