Day 50 today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Nunyah, California
Posts: 132
Day 50 today
I haven't touched a drink or a drug since 6/01/13 (or was it 5/28/13? forget exactly). Anyways, my iOS app says 50 days. I have been a daily "buzz" drinker, intermittent drug abuser / dependent user (pot, meth, vicodin & pills, pseudofed), and have practiced process addictions (porn & gambling) and my last hoorah was sending myself to the hospital with a drug overdose. I woke up a couple days after, then "woke up" and immediately checked myself into an inpatient drug rehab clinic for the first time, and also for the first time committed to 100% sobriety.
It's been a roller-coaster-y last few weeks and I know that it will continue to be that way probably for the next few months at least. Helps me to tell myself that this will all get better over time, sobriety gets better with practice. I have it pretty good - my wife is in recovery too (and has been for 6.5 years), I have a sober home, my kids benefit from a sober dad, I have a very responsible job, and frankly there is just no objective benefit (NONE!) of using in my life. If I do the work, addiction has no place to hide in my life. *IF* I continue to do the work.
I did two meetings yesterday, I think I clocked in 3-4 this last week plus a lot of time hanging out on internet support forums. I've been living and breathing recovery now for the past several weeks, nonstop. It's OK - I have a sense that I need to get this figured out now and I'll find "balance" later. I came close to relapsing on some process addiction stuff a couple nights ago (porn) so just in the last few days I've redoubled my recovery work, at least for now.
I notice that even though the initial PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) seems to be wearing off for me now (my thinking is clearer, I don't seem to be quite so moody), I'm still feeling pretty vulnerable. When my wife is in a bad mood, it seems like my world is ending and then I feel urges to drink / use. I feel "cravings" to go to meetings too (that's probably good - those are cravings to listen to!). Sleep is really good, I've noticed. Not that I've been a poor sleeper before, but I seem to be even better now.
Anyways, I could go on. Thanks for listening, I'll probably do another big update when I hit 100 days.
It's been a roller-coaster-y last few weeks and I know that it will continue to be that way probably for the next few months at least. Helps me to tell myself that this will all get better over time, sobriety gets better with practice. I have it pretty good - my wife is in recovery too (and has been for 6.5 years), I have a sober home, my kids benefit from a sober dad, I have a very responsible job, and frankly there is just no objective benefit (NONE!) of using in my life. If I do the work, addiction has no place to hide in my life. *IF* I continue to do the work.
I did two meetings yesterday, I think I clocked in 3-4 this last week plus a lot of time hanging out on internet support forums. I've been living and breathing recovery now for the past several weeks, nonstop. It's OK - I have a sense that I need to get this figured out now and I'll find "balance" later. I came close to relapsing on some process addiction stuff a couple nights ago (porn) so just in the last few days I've redoubled my recovery work, at least for now.
I notice that even though the initial PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) seems to be wearing off for me now (my thinking is clearer, I don't seem to be quite so moody), I'm still feeling pretty vulnerable. When my wife is in a bad mood, it seems like my world is ending and then I feel urges to drink / use. I feel "cravings" to go to meetings too (that's probably good - those are cravings to listen to!). Sleep is really good, I've noticed. Not that I've been a poor sleeper before, but I seem to be even better now.
Anyways, I could go on. Thanks for listening, I'll probably do another big update when I hit 100 days.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
congratulations at 50 days. just keep doing what you're doing because obviously it is working. you may wish to find a no first drink meeting they have been instrumental in my recovery
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