Tamar

I was planning on quitting codeine today, then I had a really bad day, upset my family and let my kids down so of course, I'm not quitting. How is anyone meant to quit when things are going wrong anyway? How do you quit unless life is going perfectly? (which it never is anyway especially with an addiction)
I'm lost
life requires coping skills I don't have

MIRecovery

AA/NA will teach you to deal with life on life's terms

visch1

Hi and welcome. Life happens with or without and is far worse when we use. With toxic substances in the system our thinking? is twisted, some worse than others. As a starting point I needed to get honest with myself which is harder than we think because we rationalize so well. That's a starter. Other suggestions on the way. BE WELL

Dee74

There will never be the perfect time to quit Tamar - life will always have something to throw at you, and if you're used to taking something to deal with things like that, you can see how hard it is.

You can break the cycle - it's not easy and it will mean some discomfort for a while, but it's worth it

D

GracieLou

Life it never going to go perfectly, ever.

That was my main problem. Admitting I was an alcoholic was easy. Admitting that I did not have the power to control everything and make it perfect was the hard part. I tried. Man I tried. I would put all the pieces together. The plan was set and then crap, it did not work out perfectly, so I drank.

Getting sober made me see this trend. It made me see the insanity of it. It was a vicious circle.

I love the quote.."I plan..God laughs". Every single time I read that I chuckle because it just the plain truth. It does not matter what I plan, there are way to many factors that are going to cause my plan to go right down the tubes.

So I gave up planning. I quit trying to control the outcome. That was my first step. Admitting I was powerless.

visch1

When I first sobered up I was told "It's OK to plan ahead, just don't plan the outcome" I TRY to use both. BE WELL

OneLessLonely

People quit when things are going wrong, when they accept that things go wrong in life and make the commitment to not drink ever, no matter what. When they decide to not let their sobriety depend on outside factors. When they understand it is ok to fully experience sadness, frustration, anger. When they understand you don't have to make those feelings go away, no matter how uncomfortable they are. When they realize no feeling and no situation lasts forever.

Tamar

Thanks, everyone.

NA helped me alot, I used to be a very heavy IV user before I went to detox. I went to NA off and on for years and while my attendance and sobriety was never consistent, it certainly helped me decrease my usage. Even just knowing I had to be sober to share at meetings helped because I would delay using until after, or sometimes after I'd manage to not use at all. Sadly I can't go to NA anymore as I've moved to the country and being the country, nothing is anonymous. That's why I joined this site - cos I really liked NA and found it really useful but I can't go to meetings anymore.

wiscsober

My very best to you.

From my experiences....sometimes it took some event very drastic such as hitting a train...to overdosing and having my family called in.

Sometimes it took feeling guilty for writing spiteful letters...to actually waking up feeling good.

No matter what, it takes committment to live a clean and sober life. I have illnesses that will eventually kill me outright if I continue to use drugs and alcohol.

In the midst of actively using, under the influence, we don't have the choice to use or not. From what I know it takes a moment or an hour of being abstinent to make that decision.

Tamar

Thanks. I've reached the point where I know I need to stop, it's just a matter of how. Also I've reached that point where just the idea of being sober for any length of time seems terrible. It's the classic constant need for excitement and fun we used to talk about in NA. As addicts, some of us find it very hard to just exist in the moment, we always need some kind of pleasure or distraction or something.

MIRecovery

You're willing to destroy your life but you're not willing to go to an NA/AA. That logic seems to be a bit flawed. How could the consequences of going to a meeting be worse than what you have?

Tamar

The consequences of going to a meeting COULD endanger my life actually. I find that entire statement to be incredibly presumptuous and unfair. You know exactly nothing about my situation and why not having my identity revealed is so important. You should not judge other people, especially when they are fragile and asking for help, especially when you know nothing about their situation. The fact that I have already stated that I CANNOT attend meetings should be sufficient.

Fallow

Is being an addict really exciting and fun?

Its amazing to me to realize today that as an addict I thought I was having fun when I was really killing myself. It takes what it takes to finally see the truth.

Outside circumstances will never say that now is the perfect time to quit using. That is dictated by internal circumstances.

How to stop? You just stop. Throw in the towel.

And become willing to do anything it takes to stay clean.

Tamar

That's really not helpful. "Just stop"? If it was that simple, no one would be an addict, would they? FFS.

MIRecovery

I don't mean to be offensive only realistic. There are other paths towards sobriety some more effective than others. Sobriety is all about choices and change

Tamar

Well perhaps when you are a sex worker hiding from your homicidal ex you can judge until then, take a seat. Also I'm pretty sure it's in the forum RULES that you don't purport one method or recovery group so going on and on about NA is a violation of those rules anyhow.

This is an incredibly unwelcoming, unhelpful, negative and judgemental group and I won't be participating any longer and I have asked for my account to be deleted. I am sure there are other groups out there where members think before they speak and if not, I'd rather deal with my issues alone rather than having to argue with idiots whose glorious advice is that I'm wrong for looking after my own safety and that I should "just stop", since apparently it's that easy, that's why we're all here after all.

Fallow

I really do want to be helpful. I don't think people become addicts because it is hard to stop though. They become addicts for other reasons. Then they find out its hard or... They don't 'want' to stop. I know I did.

Seriously though the first part of getting clean is simply stopping the intake of substances. Everything else is an internal struggle leading up to what we know needs to be done. Like you said I know I need to stop.

My brain has lied to me 1000's of times telling me it can't be that simple.

I mean... There just has to be a harder way to do this.

Once you quit using. Then you can actually work on causes and conditions if you choose. That's where the work comes in. Ensuring we don't pick back up. But to ensure we don't pick back up we need to put it down first...

Nuudawn

You said a mouthful there Tamar. That really is the essence of it in addiction. I really hope you didn't get so ticked off you deleted your account. Without the support of a 12-step...you do need this community. I am not a member of any 12 step group. SR is my community..so don't go okay. Not everyone purports that 12 step is the only way. I don't' But bear in mind that people are only trying to be helpful. And although I do get frustrated when people don't listen to "I'm not going to AA/NA etc"..and then still post about it...please remember they are indeed trying to help...not **** you off...capiche : )

Ceasing addiction requires some tools...and support/community is a huge one in my eyes. Many find that in 12 step..but there are other places...like SR : )

I really hope you're still here girl...I'm listening.

Dee74

I'm sorry if you didn't find what you were looking for, Tamar.

when it comes down to it it really does reduce to the need to stop - but I know how terrifying that is and I know well myself the tendency to kick back when that possibility is presented.

Noones trying to hurt you here tho or demean you - and noones going to make you do anything...ultimately it's just words on a page and you can listen or dismiss.

It really is up to you.

whatever you decide, best wishes

D

trikyriky

Hi Tamar : Take what you need from the responses here and dump the rest. It is that simple. You and me are a lot alike. I don't take advice well , but you know what , I should have , sooner

If you want sugar coating , we'll give it that way, if it helps. However I needed tough love . I needed it given to me straight up

Don't take and run, because we'll do it however you like

Stay here , we can help you if you let us

Tr