Banquo

Been a month on Tuesday since I last had a drink. I started off as a very social drinker I would be out every weekend having a great time. I then discovered scotch and coke and how cheap you can get **** whisky. I had binges and was always thought of as the bloke who can't handle his drink within my friends. I lost count the times I was woken up in my local. I found someone who wasn't much of a drinker and moved in with her. Soon I was hiding the scotch and hoping she'd go to bed so I could ditch the beer we shared and get proper smashed. Then this moved onto every night of the week and also taking a nip in the morning to get me to work. I had a alcoholic poisoning last year so decided to try controlled drinking. This lasted a while but by Christmas I was back to hiding it. Skip a few months and then came my last binge. I went out Saturday night and kept on drinking and drinking. My fiancee threw me out on the Monday so I moved back in with my folks. Monday night at around 2am I got a taxi to the 24 hour place and got my whisky. Somehow making it back with no one waking up and drinking that till I could not drink no more. I woke up Tuesday afternoon and finally realised this can't go on. I rang the alcohol helpline and the man on the other side probably changed everything.

Spent a horrible few days and nights in withdrawal but by the weekend and my 40th birthday quite up and knowing I can't just have one drink. Very cathartic and joyous strangely. Now nearly a month. I'm back with my fiancee and looking forward.

I wasn't supposed to write my story yet but I couldn't stop! But thanks for reading

Dee74

congrats on your month Banquo

D

jstar

When did I accept that I couldn't have "just one"?

Acceptance is a tough word for me right now. But I know I realized I couldn't have "just one" without feeling like I was totally depriving myself of something. When "one" just wasn't enough. When I would pass on a drink when I knew it was only appropriate to have "one" because for me there was no point to drinking if I couldn't get totally sideways. "Drunk" was always the goal..."One" was never enough!

Welcome to SR & thanks for sharing your story

least

Congrats on reaching a month sober! Keep on keepin' on.

Ghostlight1

Hello, and welcome.

I realized I couldn't have just one the very first time I drank at fourteen.
I would search for that same first buzz, and the enjoyment and rush I got out of it, for the next twenty five years.
Yep, I was an alcoholic the very first time I drank. And I was most types; binger, moderating and finally every day. All for what that initial drink did to me, even though it made me puke.

I could go on about my drinking career, but I hope you get the idea. I never had just one drink in my life and I never intend to.
I've been sober now for two and a half years and still have to be on guard.

Best to you and I hope you find support here.

Banquo

I've been reading the forums a few days now. It truly is inspirational and I'm not prone to hyperbole

GracieLou

Congrats on a month!

Free is the word I use. I felt free once I received that moment of clarity. After that the rest sort of fell into place. One drink will never be enough so it makes sense not to even have it in the first place.

instant

When Infinally did I felt liberated, sorry it took 30 drinking years to grt there!!

Cascabel

I'm not sure that I am convinced yet. The logical part of me says I can never drink again but my AV tries to convince me otherwise. So far, logic is ahead on points.

Jeni26

Congratulations on your month!x



This was never an issue for me. I didn't EVER intend to have just 1. I would always make sure I had a full 2 bottles of wine before I started drinking. As the whole purpose of drinking was to get completely wasted, the acceptance that I could never stop at 1 became a non-issue.

What was the point of that?

trail257

I realized during my last withdrawal that I never wanted to go through this again. I always tell myself just one and can often do only one ...until a few days later I find myself drinking vodka in the morning after a binge in order to function. Just one, like most things alcohol-related turned out to be a lie

secretary

What's that old saying? One is too many and 1000 aren't enough. I would never stop at one. Stay strong!

outoftime

That's very similar to me. "One" is pretty much "why bother?". It's like only riding the uphill part of the rollercoaster.

jstar

*" *We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink, as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to

23.

stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this.

* *These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. "
- AA Big Book

The concept of the first drink. It sets the whole cycle in motion. I truly believe that "one" is too many as it sets me in a tailspin of destruction.

workoholic

My tragic relapse last night is enough proof for myself.
I can't drink at all.

huntingtontx

I have tried to moderate before, and it did not work for me. After the second or third drink my mind is in a fog and I drink till I fall asleep, pass out, whatever you want to call it. I had my last drink 12 days ago. One is to many and 1000 is not enough is so true for me. Sober for the next 24 hours is my promise.

Banquo

After I tried to moderate last year I could see my intake slowly creeping up again. On Boxing Day at 6am I was drinking Shandy as hair of the dog convinced its not as bad as when I used to drink whisky to stop the shakes! Of course it was. But I think the point I'm trying to make is that the pressure is off with moderation. I could never have just one. My mind would crave for more. Now if I don't have just one I won't crave and have all the pressure

Fallow

I have not accepted the fact that I can't.

I have accepted the fact that I won't. Its taken up till now to get to this point.

Nuudawn

For me it was when I realized...I don't want...just one. What's the point? Because I want to "look" normal? Because I want others to be more comfortable? I drank for effect..and for me..I didn't achieve the effect I wanted in one.

Hevyn

Welcome Banquo! You sound so positive and happy to have this new beginning. Congratulations on your month sober.

Like Instant, it took me 30 yrs. of drinking to admit willpower alone could never save me. I'd be determined to have one or two - but it was always the whole bottle - and then another bottle. One day I realized it was in my system 24/7 - I was completely dependent on it. It was stop or die.

Glad you are here Banquo.