What do "Normal People" do after 7pm, anyway?
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
This reminds me of an Adam Ant song. Goody Two Shoes.
Don't drink, don't smoke. What do you do ?
Incidentally, there are Meetup groups of the same nature.
I'll tell you what I do, I go to bed early and rise with the roosters.
Nothing good ever happens after midnight anyway.
At least it doesn't anymore...
Yuk yuk
Don't drink, don't smoke. What do you do ?
Incidentally, there are Meetup groups of the same nature.
I'll tell you what I do, I go to bed early and rise with the roosters.
Nothing good ever happens after midnight anyway.
At least it doesn't anymore...
Yuk yuk
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Ha ha, Alpha - 'nothing good happens after midnight anyway'. Yep, when we / I were (shall I say) 'younger', there was that mysterious thrill, the frisson etc of being up super late. And of course I'm not talking of the interminable insomnia that so many on SR suffer; that's different, by a long shot. No, for a time in one's life, it's incredibly IMPORTANT to be able to say: 'oh, yes, I didn't get to bed till 1 / 2/ 3 / 4/ 5 etc a.m.'
To be sure, there's that certain time of life where it's truly magnificent to experience the dark night and pre-dawn hours. Particularly outside, in the world, whether the natural world or a city world. It does have its own special magic. But: as we get older, doing that becomes so much harder. The diurnal rhythms just kinda change.
We eventually revert to just 'knowing' that it's perfectly OK to be indoors quietly or going to bed. Hence my reference to the 19th century changes: slowly, slowly, as first gas lights, then electric lights and so forth came into our forebears' lives, and changes to working hours etc, it became seemingly 'natural' that we should be up and excited and DOING STUFF well past sundown.
Fast forward to the 20th century, then the 21st - when everyone's 'on' seemingly 24/7, no wonder many of us are kinda frazzled. Alcoholics or not! It's really quite a form of madness, which those of the pre-20th century (all long-dead now of course) would simply not understand. Well, a few would - those who were maddened by various things, and those who as personalities simply like to get about in the darkness of night. But it was nowhere near as much an imperative to be 'out and about' after dark.
Much to think about there, IMHO.
To be sure, there's that certain time of life where it's truly magnificent to experience the dark night and pre-dawn hours. Particularly outside, in the world, whether the natural world or a city world. It does have its own special magic. But: as we get older, doing that becomes so much harder. The diurnal rhythms just kinda change.
We eventually revert to just 'knowing' that it's perfectly OK to be indoors quietly or going to bed. Hence my reference to the 19th century changes: slowly, slowly, as first gas lights, then electric lights and so forth came into our forebears' lives, and changes to working hours etc, it became seemingly 'natural' that we should be up and excited and DOING STUFF well past sundown.
Fast forward to the 20th century, then the 21st - when everyone's 'on' seemingly 24/7, no wonder many of us are kinda frazzled. Alcoholics or not! It's really quite a form of madness, which those of the pre-20th century (all long-dead now of course) would simply not understand. Well, a few would - those who were maddened by various things, and those who as personalities simply like to get about in the darkness of night. But it was nowhere near as much an imperative to be 'out and about' after dark.
Much to think about there, IMHO.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
I would do anything to be sitting in a hotel room with nothing to do. I would probably spend my time with God in meditation.
Then I would call the Chamber of Commerce and find out what the tourist spots were in that town. Science Museums, Museums of natural History, Outdoor Concerts, planetarium, zoo., aquarium. I would enjoy being sober and just take it all in and be grateful for another day clean.
I'd probably bring my camera and just take pictures of anything and everything and be creative.
People watch. My favorite thing to do!
Ohh and I would go to an AA meeting. Instant friends and out for coffee. instant companionship!
Then I would call the Chamber of Commerce and find out what the tourist spots were in that town. Science Museums, Museums of natural History, Outdoor Concerts, planetarium, zoo., aquarium. I would enjoy being sober and just take it all in and be grateful for another day clean.
I'd probably bring my camera and just take pictures of anything and everything and be creative.
People watch. My favorite thing to do!
Ohh and I would go to an AA meeting. Instant friends and out for coffee. instant companionship!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I see it a bit differently Big.
I always felt like a prisoner in my home every evening.
Once I had drunk I could not drive anywhere, I avoided answering the phone if it rang in case anyone guessed I was drunk. I never rang anyone either for fear of them guessing.
I never made plans on an evening as it interfered with my drinking.
If I did have to go out, I would want to get home as soon as possible so I could start drinking.
Now I don't drink, the world is my oyster.
I sometimes go shopping in the evening. I go for long drives with loud music. I meet friends. I talk on the phone. I organise stuff at home. I would like to start an evening class. Sometimes it is enough to be in bed on my laptop reading here or the newspapers online.
I'm not sure if that is what normal people do.
However for me, not drinking gives me more freedom than drinking ever did.
My best
Your European friend
xx
I always felt like a prisoner in my home every evening.
Once I had drunk I could not drive anywhere, I avoided answering the phone if it rang in case anyone guessed I was drunk. I never rang anyone either for fear of them guessing.
I never made plans on an evening as it interfered with my drinking.
If I did have to go out, I would want to get home as soon as possible so I could start drinking.
Now I don't drink, the world is my oyster.
I sometimes go shopping in the evening. I go for long drives with loud music. I meet friends. I talk on the phone. I organise stuff at home. I would like to start an evening class. Sometimes it is enough to be in bed on my laptop reading here or the newspapers online.
I'm not sure if that is what normal people do.
However for me, not drinking gives me more freedom than drinking ever did.
My best
Your European friend
xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
During the week I don't do a lot other than work and my meetings. Last night I went to the sober club and played Bingo with a friend. I had a good time but I was beat afterwords.
I spent all my free time alone, at home, drinking so I had no social life to miss.
Now I see people at meetings, I stop in to see my sponsor just to say Hi, I talk to a few people on the phone. I am quite the social butterfly now compared to four months ago...lol
I spent all my free time alone, at home, drinking so I had no social life to miss.
Now I see people at meetings, I stop in to see my sponsor just to say Hi, I talk to a few people on the phone. I am quite the social butterfly now compared to four months ago...lol
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 46
Hey, BigSombrero -
I'm on day 13 of being sober, and am wondering the same thing. I've had four cold beers in my refrigerator this entire time, and am not tempted AT ALL to touch them. I'm actually waiting for the 3-week or 1-month mark before I film myself pouring the contents of the beer containers (bottle and cans) down the drain. That said, what now? What do I do for fun? In my case, and I don't recommend everyone try this, I am going to start hanging out at my regular hangout: the bar at Buffalo Wild Wings. I know most of the employees, all of the managers and many of the clientele; I just won't drink. I already did it once, felt at home, and didn't feel the urge to drink. Well, I did drink, LOTS of water, and I had a great meal. Again, I don't recommend everyone trying to be/remain sober try this method because relapse is only a nod away, and bartenders will be more than happy to pour you a drink. Other than this, there's the gym during the week, malls and movie theaters on weekends, and reading, there's always reading.
I hope this helps.
I'm on day 13 of being sober, and am wondering the same thing. I've had four cold beers in my refrigerator this entire time, and am not tempted AT ALL to touch them. I'm actually waiting for the 3-week or 1-month mark before I film myself pouring the contents of the beer containers (bottle and cans) down the drain. That said, what now? What do I do for fun? In my case, and I don't recommend everyone try this, I am going to start hanging out at my regular hangout: the bar at Buffalo Wild Wings. I know most of the employees, all of the managers and many of the clientele; I just won't drink. I already did it once, felt at home, and didn't feel the urge to drink. Well, I did drink, LOTS of water, and I had a great meal. Again, I don't recommend everyone trying to be/remain sober try this method because relapse is only a nod away, and bartenders will be more than happy to pour you a drink. Other than this, there's the gym during the week, malls and movie theaters on weekends, and reading, there's always reading.
I hope this helps.
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Well, I've never been normal so don't know what they do. But as for what to do at night, well I'm a night owl so I do everything at night even stuff day people do during the day.
But what popped into my mind was stargazing. It may not be doable in the heart of the city but a lot of places have local astronomy groups that do star parties in or near cities. And there are observatories/planetariums in lots of cities. You could look up both online.
I find the night sky endlessly fascinating, stars, planets, moons (Jupiter's can be seen through binoculars), nebulae, galaxies, meteor showers. Awesome.
But what popped into my mind was stargazing. It may not be doable in the heart of the city but a lot of places have local astronomy groups that do star parties in or near cities. And there are observatories/planetariums in lots of cities. You could look up both online.
I find the night sky endlessly fascinating, stars, planets, moons (Jupiter's can be seen through binoculars), nebulae, galaxies, meteor showers. Awesome.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere, NJ
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by bigsombrero 
I spend most weekends away from home traveling. This weekend (thur-mon) is more of the same. Hotel room, 4 nights. Alone, also per usual. I am in a large city. I do not want to drink, nor will I drink.
I have been told quite often that "normal people" don't go to bars in this situation, they find something else to do. I have been told that only us pathetic alcoholics think of a bar as an activity. My question: well what the hell are all these "normal people" doing in these situations, exactly? Am I missing something? Is there some kind of awesome evening activity every night and I don't know about it? What the heck do regular people do?
I already went to dinner. I have a baseball game on the hotel TV, ice cream in the ice bucket, and club soda and some lime gatorade here. I have some movies on my laptop. I have snacks. There is a nice bathtub in this fancy hotel and maybe I'll take a bath or something. It's only 7pm. This stuff is yawn-city.
Is the trick to being happy in recovery learning how to accept this stuff? As a recovering addict & alcoholic, perhaps I need to adjust my expectations? When I am bored, should I remember how horrible my life was before, and just be thankful I'm not in the gutter or dead? Sounds like a temporary fix, though definitely worth considering.
From where I'm standing, it sure seems like a lot of "normal people" go to the bars on a Friday night. I am a single male, under 40, and not ready to start knitting sweaters or playing online solitaire every night after the clock passes 7pm. Every weekend night I find myself feeling antsy and have no outlet. Any ideas? (please don't suggest volunteering at a homeless shelter or something, I understand those people are saints but I am not looking to work, as selfish as that sounds).
*PS - yes I know this is a "why me!!?" post. I am just venting off some steam, not in real trouble.
I have been told quite often that "normal people" don't go to bars in this situation, they find something else to do. I have been told that only us pathetic alcoholics think of a bar as an activity. My question: well what the hell are all these "normal people" doing in these situations, exactly? Am I missing something? Is there some kind of awesome evening activity every night and I don't know about it? What the heck do regular people do?
I already went to dinner. I have a baseball game on the hotel TV, ice cream in the ice bucket, and club soda and some lime gatorade here. I have some movies on my laptop. I have snacks. There is a nice bathtub in this fancy hotel and maybe I'll take a bath or something. It's only 7pm. This stuff is yawn-city.
Is the trick to being happy in recovery learning how to accept this stuff? As a recovering addict & alcoholic, perhaps I need to adjust my expectations? When I am bored, should I remember how horrible my life was before, and just be thankful I'm not in the gutter or dead? Sounds like a temporary fix, though definitely worth considering.
From where I'm standing, it sure seems like a lot of "normal people" go to the bars on a Friday night. I am a single male, under 40, and not ready to start knitting sweaters or playing online solitaire every night after the clock passes 7pm. Every weekend night I find myself feeling antsy and have no outlet. Any ideas? (please don't suggest volunteering at a homeless shelter or something, I understand those people are saints but I am not looking to work, as selfish as that sounds).
*PS - yes I know this is a "why me!!?" post. I am just venting off some steam, not in real trouble.
The first thing to be aware of is anhedonia. When you get addicted to something, it makes other things in life less pleasurable. In time, the pleasure and satisfaction will return. Your brain's pleasure centers have gradually all been wired for booze. It will take time to rewire them to something else.
But at the same time, the pleasure from booze will never go away, so don't turn your back on this stuff. It will stab you in the back at the first opportunity.
For me, one of the best ways to find new friends and new activities was the site meetup.com. I joined board game groups, philosophy discussions, book clubs, running, museum enthusiasts, jazz music, professional, etc. One of them became a true passion for me, and despite that I started drinking heavily again, I still participate in very much.
Obviously be careful with the "social clubs". They tend to have activities but there is also a lot of drinking. In truth, there is a social component to all the groups. Social is often a euphemism for drinking.
I'm right there with you. I'm 21 days, and in that sober limbo where I don't feel the need to grab a drink, but I just feel "off" and not sure what to do with myself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 18
This may sound really stupid (and I'm a little surprised at myself for posting and admitting this) but when I get bored as in the boredom and anxiety of it mentioned in the AA Big Book, I play a tank game on my computer (BZFlag) and happily blast others on the internet. Yes, I'm a 44 year old man and I don't care much for video games but by the time I've played this for 15 to 30 minutes and finished, my mind is revved up and I can discover other things to get into that involve a drink. I do this at home and on the road. I have to go from Colorado to Atlanta at least once per quarter.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I think like you do Sombrero. I would have been in the hotel bar all night drinking and chatting to random people as I sat at the bar. Once I got enough drinks in me, I would be everyone's best friend and i probably would be buying strangers drinks. If there was an attractive woman near, I would probably be giving her unwanted attention. Eventually, I would stumble back to my room and empty the wet bar of little bottles.
I guess as alcoholics, we need to reprogram ourselves to derive pleasure from other endeavors.
I guess as alcoholics, we need to reprogram ourselves to derive pleasure from other endeavors.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Love the thread Big. I sympathize but my life is quite opposite.
Being married with a two year old my life after 7pm is playing, bath time, brushing her teeth, reading books, lullabies, and trying to soothe her to sleep. Usually that takes till 9:30 but sometimes its 9:00.
Then I read a bit of SR or watch TV and fall asleep by 10 or 11.
I don't know if its normal.
Sometimes I wish for the peace and quiet I had in single life. Being alone is a rarity for me these days.
The thing is I was never sober when I was single.
Being married with a two year old my life after 7pm is playing, bath time, brushing her teeth, reading books, lullabies, and trying to soothe her to sleep. Usually that takes till 9:30 but sometimes its 9:00.
Then I read a bit of SR or watch TV and fall asleep by 10 or 11.
I don't know if its normal.
Sometimes I wish for the peace and quiet I had in single life. Being alone is a rarity for me these days.
The thing is I was never sober when I was single.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
It's not like 'normal' people all do the same thing or something. I think it's about trying lots of things and finding the ones you like and doing more of them.
As far as what to do when traveling, pretty much everywhere (at least in the US) has a visitor center where you can pick up free maps, and advertisements for activities and attractions in the town. The great thing about traveling is that there is so much cool stuff to check out. And you can always ask the people there what sort of sober activities are available. You can also try asking the people at the front desk of the hotel what is available in the area.
If nothing else, I find long walks are good pretty much anywhere. Most places also have a coffee shop where sober people go to hang-out. Many coffee shops also have music or poetry readings.
Or try getting on Google Earth or Google maps and checking out what is available in the area.
As far as what to do when traveling, pretty much everywhere (at least in the US) has a visitor center where you can pick up free maps, and advertisements for activities and attractions in the town. The great thing about traveling is that there is so much cool stuff to check out. And you can always ask the people there what sort of sober activities are available. You can also try asking the people at the front desk of the hotel what is available in the area.
If nothing else, I find long walks are good pretty much anywhere. Most places also have a coffee shop where sober people go to hang-out. Many coffee shops also have music or poetry readings.
Or try getting on Google Earth or Google maps and checking out what is available in the area.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 142
This is a great thread with a lot of great perspectives.
It's funny because if "I have a baseball game on the hotel TV, ice cream in the ice bucket, and club soda and some lime gatorade here. I have some movies on my laptop. I have snacks." sounds like heaven to me :-)
Then again over the years I've become less social. Never been an extrovert to begin with.
I used to travel occasionally for work and used to LOVE the alone, quiet time in the hotel rooms at night. Of course I would have a drink or 3 but never consume the amount I would at home or at social events.
It's funny because if "I have a baseball game on the hotel TV, ice cream in the ice bucket, and club soda and some lime gatorade here. I have some movies on my laptop. I have snacks." sounds like heaven to me :-)
Then again over the years I've become less social. Never been an extrovert to begin with.
I used to travel occasionally for work and used to LOVE the alone, quiet time in the hotel rooms at night. Of course I would have a drink or 3 but never consume the amount I would at home or at social events.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
My hubby works away from home during the week, he rarely drinks so doesn't bother with bars. He tends to work into the evening, watches some TV, payes games on his pic or watched DVDs.
Being alone at home brought the week aided my alcoholism no end as I was able to drink to confusion without witness. Now I surf SR and annoy as many people as I can before Dee catches me!!! Seriously, sadly SR is the most social my life gets in the evenings
Being alone at home brought the week aided my alcoholism no end as I was able to drink to confusion without witness. Now I surf SR and annoy as many people as I can before Dee catches me!!! Seriously, sadly SR is the most social my life gets in the evenings
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 142
Originally Posted by Sasha4
I see it a bit differently Big.
I always felt like a prisoner in my home every evening.
Once I had drunk I could not drive anywhere, I avoided answering the phone if it rang in case anyone guessed I was drunk. I never rang anyone either for fear of them guessing.
I never made plans on an evening as it interfered with my drinking.
If I did have to go out, I would want to get home as soon as possible so I could start drinking.
Now I don't drink, the world is my oyster.
I sometimes go shopping in the evening. I go for long drives with loud music. I meet friends. I talk on the phone. I organise stuff at home. I would like to start an evening class. Sometimes it is enough to be in bed on my laptop reading here or the newspapers online.
I'm not sure if that is what normal people do.
However for me, not drinking gives me more freedom than drinking ever did.
My best
Your European friend
xx
I always felt like a prisoner in my home every evening.
Once I had drunk I could not drive anywhere, I avoided answering the phone if it rang in case anyone guessed I was drunk. I never rang anyone either for fear of them guessing.
I never made plans on an evening as it interfered with my drinking.
If I did have to go out, I would want to get home as soon as possible so I could start drinking.
Now I don't drink, the world is my oyster.
I sometimes go shopping in the evening. I go for long drives with loud music. I meet friends. I talk on the phone. I organise stuff at home. I would like to start an evening class. Sometimes it is enough to be in bed on my laptop reading here or the newspapers online.
I'm not sure if that is what normal people do.
However for me, not drinking gives me more freedom than drinking ever did.
My best
Your European friend
xx
THIS RIGHT HERE. This is what I'm searching for!!!
I read on someone's blog that one of many great things about being sober is being able to drive after 5pm. WOW - what a concept!!!
Thank you Sasha :-)
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Derby, UK
Posts: 203
Lol bigsombrero, don't know how I missed this thread, just started my own 'what do you do on a sober Saturday night' thread cos having issues with this myself.
If you find the definitive answer please let me know lol
Brit
If you find the definitive answer please let me know lol
Brit
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Goa.India / SE Asia
Posts: 8
LOL.I was going start a thread about how to handle the 8pm - 10 pm urges and I found this thread .
This probably is THE biggest predicament . Threw away all the rums & vodkas from my bar and replaced with single malts & top shelf bourbons & scotches a few months back to ' normalise' my drinking .. have a dram .. nurse my drink etc etc .
As expected poured two large shots between the designated 8 pm - 9.30 pm booze hours for myself ( I was looking forward to it since 5 pm ). Every three days the empty bottle was being thrown out.WTF ??
I joined this forum or for that matter anything online today and hope to commence my sobriety one day at a time.
God have mercy on me.
For my travels and hotel stays .. will try to catch up on movies and update on TED Talks on You Tube this week. Hopefully.
This probably is THE biggest predicament . Threw away all the rums & vodkas from my bar and replaced with single malts & top shelf bourbons & scotches a few months back to ' normalise' my drinking .. have a dram .. nurse my drink etc etc .
As expected poured two large shots between the designated 8 pm - 9.30 pm booze hours for myself ( I was looking forward to it since 5 pm ). Every three days the empty bottle was being thrown out.WTF ??
I joined this forum or for that matter anything online today and hope to commence my sobriety one day at a time.
God have mercy on me.
For my travels and hotel stays .. will try to catch up on movies and update on TED Talks on You Tube this week. Hopefully.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 199
We go to Starbucks or a coffee shop, browse at Barnes & Nobles, take a walk in the park or down Main Street, see a movie, or read a good book. It's really not boring. To me, sitting for hours alone in a bar drinking is boring.
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