clearhead44

Ive posted before and after a few pathetic attempts at quitting I'm back where I started all over again I can't live with the guilt of being a drunken idiot doing stupid things and putting myself in bad situations. I was sober two days this week after promising to knock it on the head after another drunken episode I was aiming for three when a group of colleagues was going out after work and stupidly enough I went thinking I could handle one or two anyways to cut a long story short I ended up swopping my shirt with a complete stranger who got an eyeful at the same time and one of his mates took a picture (which I am devastated about) I also ended up kissing another complete stranger half my age and I feel so bad I've already lost one relationship and could be on the verge of losing my job, reputation and family I feel so ashamed that it kills me all I can think of is the stupid way I behaved (again) I'm so down about the whole thing and I'm so sick of the drink I'm sober again for the third time this week simply because I'm sick of doing damage limitation exercises the next day and now I'm petrified that these stupid actions will come back on me somehow. I guess I'm just at a loss even I'm sick of me...............

Nuudawn

Hey...sounds like an excellent time to sober up my friend. Like you, I was very, very tired of being the drunken arse. My last day drinking, I was sitting round a pub in the middle of a sunny day..making an arse of myself. I remember "getting into it" with some girl who thought I was hitting on her man and some guy (who I'm pretty sure has his own drinking problem) telling me "never mind her, she's just a drunk". For crying out loud...everybody sitting there mid afternoon on a sunny sunday were drunks of one variation or another.

I woke up the next morning determined to not be anybody ANYONE referred to as "just a drunk".

Really glad you're here.

least

Glad you're back trying again.

deeker

I would try AA if nothing you have done is working. AA will work it if you are willing to follow suggestions. You will find great hope there! Meetings are everywhere. Well Most everywhere.

tootsl1

I finally bored myself too. Commit yourself to sobriety and be strong.

Dee74

Welcome back Clearhead

It certainly sounds like you need a change. Do you have a plan?

D

MIRecovery

For me it radical change. For the first time in my life I had to do what other people suggested. I didn't like it I didn't agree with it and I knew it wouldn't work. What I found was that I was completely 100 percent wrong. Find someone with long-term sobriety and do what they do and you will be amazed at the results.

the alternative is to watch your life disintegrate around you

DisplacedGRITS

I've found the best way for me to get sober is to hang with other sober alcoholics and learn what's kept them sober for years. I was at ab AA meeting last night where there were 12 sobriety birthdays and a combined total of well over 200 years of sobriety! One of the people had something like 34 years of sobriety! So yeah, go find people with long term sobriety and who are happy and learn from them. Don't sit and stew in your own skull. You don't have to drink ever again. You never have to feel that way again. It's up to you to either choose sobriety and be willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it or not. Only you have the power to make that choice.

Bubovski

I hope your mini changes lead to bigger better and longer sobriety.
Little steps do help, along with shame and embarrasement.

Essentially though the long haul is what we are all seeking.

Bruce292

Learn what you can from each relapse, get back on your feet, hold your head high, and take another shot at being sober. It took me a long time to finally have it "stick" and I'm far from "out of the woods" at this point. I'm trying though. I just keep thinking of the alternative to being sober and it ain't pretty.

laana

Its great that you are back here and don't say you are stupid, you are being very smart to reach out.
Try to get over the embarassement, accept that drinking is causing you to behave in ways you never ever would and that you won't accept it anymore. Don't pick up another drink and you will soon be holding your head high

I believe in you!!

ando68

Hey clearhead,
Good to see you back, like yourself, I've suffered many an incident which regret and remorse were the end result,, thing is I'd tend to let myself forget these happenings after a short while and in no time I'd be back hitting the booze hard again. It doesn't have to continue like that though,, a different route can be chosen, by everyone of us.
Wishing you well,
Ando.

SophieB

Don't feel stupid we all get it. I don't post here a ton but I read a lot. I'm doing well been just doing what works for me taking a little bit from everything..

Nudawn ..You really have some GOOD things to say..

But your Avatar troubles me. Are you at a better place? Seems like it.

As said before the wisdom here is amazing!! It is like we all get it but applying it is the trickl

One last thought may be off topic but has helped me a ton... My Grandmother who came off the boat from Italy and was the sweetest person ever..said the problem with life is drinking ...in one way or another.

Nuudawn

Thanks for your kind words. My Avatar is a fictional character from the show Absolutely Fabulous..not me : ) But I was starting to resemble her far too much. A pal of mine used to call me "Patsy"..the character..and well, she was "Eddie".

My sobriety is far too new to remove the reminder of what I was...so to speak.

CLEARLIGHT...please update and let us know how you are doing....

Louise82

clearhead, welcome back. It sounds like you've had enough and are ready to start a new, sober life. When I was drinking, I also had a habit of putting myself in bad situations with men, but now I'm sober I know I never have to again. And neither do you - you're sober now and if you don't pick up that first drink you never have to endure another drunken episode.

clearhead44

Thank you all for your kindness and support it means a lot when I feel so down and am on the verge of just giving up on life I wouldn't be in any of the mess I'm in now if I'd have quit 16 years ago the bottles not worth all this stress. My only plan at the moment is to take one day at a time, every time I've told myself I can never drink again I seem to last two days and go out and get hammered, thanks again all for your words of wisdom I'll keep you posted

Nuudawn

Hi clearhead..sorry I misnamed ya : ) You know I remember feeling like you in my first couple of weeks of sobriety. I thought...geez...look at the mess of my life I have made because of drinking. Coming into the light was really hard and for a bit there, I just wanted to crawl back into the dark cave of denial and keep drinking..didn't want to deal.

But that really is the essence of addiction..not wanting to deal with life..so lets alter our state artificially or escape reality altogether (I liked the latter...alot).

I take one moment at a time sometimes. I face the moments and the situations I face as they arrive...fighting to stay lucid and sober through them..cuz I didn't do that before. I don't dwell too much on yesterday or overwhelm myself with tomorrow. I just knock down the moments..one by one.