I'm new here, wanting to help my partner
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Sydney, NSW
Posts: 1
I'm new here, wanting to help my partner
Hi everyone,
I am very new to forums, but willing to try anything to help my partner. He is high functioning alcoholic, I have been able to get him to cut down enough that he no longer has physical cravings for it anymore. However he is still uncontrollable and has been arrested many times for assault (he has never hurt me, but will fight anyone who looks at him when he is drunk), he is verbally abusive toward me and "doesn't care" (all standard things you have all heard before I'm guessing). He has no more chances left with the law, and has lost almost all of his friends and on the edge of losing his family. He denies he has a problem and wants to continue socially drinking. He feels he has learnt his lesson but I'm not sure if he should be drinking at all. It's been a month since his last arrest and he hasn't drunk in that time, but he is eager to get back out there and casually drink, despite his very close call with another charge.
I don't know much about this, and from what I have been told by friends and family is that he should not ever pick up a drink again because he doesn't know when to stop. I'm scared he is going to throw his life away (and money) and I want what's best for him. I have done everything I can to help him stop but he refuses to seek help and doesn't want to stop.
Any advice on what to do with him? Or how to help him? It's taking it toll on our relationship (we are engaged) and I am really torn between staying and leaving before something really bad happens.
Thanks for taking the time to read
x
I am very new to forums, but willing to try anything to help my partner. He is high functioning alcoholic, I have been able to get him to cut down enough that he no longer has physical cravings for it anymore. However he is still uncontrollable and has been arrested many times for assault (he has never hurt me, but will fight anyone who looks at him when he is drunk), he is verbally abusive toward me and "doesn't care" (all standard things you have all heard before I'm guessing). He has no more chances left with the law, and has lost almost all of his friends and on the edge of losing his family. He denies he has a problem and wants to continue socially drinking. He feels he has learnt his lesson but I'm not sure if he should be drinking at all. It's been a month since his last arrest and he hasn't drunk in that time, but he is eager to get back out there and casually drink, despite his very close call with another charge.
I don't know much about this, and from what I have been told by friends and family is that he should not ever pick up a drink again because he doesn't know when to stop. I'm scared he is going to throw his life away (and money) and I want what's best for him. I have done everything I can to help him stop but he refuses to seek help and doesn't want to stop.
Any advice on what to do with him? Or how to help him? It's taking it toll on our relationship (we are engaged) and I am really torn between staying and leaving before something really bad happens.
Thanks for taking the time to read
x
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Hey Kiwichick, welcome to SR. I'm sure you probably already know this deep down but your partner has to want recovery. It doesn't matter how much he needs it, if he doesn't make the decision himself to get help, then no one can help him.
Similarly, no one can tell you whether to stay or leave but I suggest you look after yourself and your needs and really think about whether you want to be engaged to someone who is verbally abusing you, drunk or not.
Similarly, no one can tell you whether to stay or leave but I suggest you look after yourself and your needs and really think about whether you want to be engaged to someone who is verbally abusing you, drunk or not.
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
I forgot to add that, as well as this forum, there's lots of support from people experiencing similar things to you in our Friends & Family forum: Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 8
Hi.. My opinion is that probably he needs some rehab programs or counseling because he needs a person to sit and hear his problem about drinking.. And it might be you also who can tell him explain him about his behavior to others and try to change him.. You can do this and try for again he not getting into any legal issues for his drinking.. he might be angry because of his legal issues also.. You alone can change him..
All the Best !!!
All the Best !!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Kiwichick
from what you say I'd agree with you he probably shouldn't be drinking at all - but it's got to be his choice.
If thats not terribly likely I think you need to think about where that leaves you and what you might do in response to that.
I know thats a really tough lot of questions to think about, but there's a lot of experience understanding and support here - I'm really glad you've found us.
welcome
D
from what you say I'd agree with you he probably shouldn't be drinking at all - but it's got to be his choice.
If thats not terribly likely I think you need to think about where that leaves you and what you might do in response to that.
I know thats a really tough lot of questions to think about, but there's a lot of experience understanding and support here - I'm really glad you've found us.
welcome
D
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