Dreos

After promising again to my partner and to myself that I would stop the binges, I went out to the bars last night and got drunk. I have been binging since I was 21, I am 54 now. It has slowly progressed from once a month, to once a week.
I am scare that someday it will be everyday, if it doesn't caused me some major psychological or physical damage before. I am angry and disappointed with myself. I am smart, and my life,except for the binging is a good one, my partner is a saint, we've been together for 30 years and he has endured all the
devastation that this disease causes. Alcoholism runs in my family, my grandmother died of cirrhosis of the liver, my father, took his life, my aunt, two uncles and a brother are recovering alcoholics. I am in a place where I am ready to do whatever it takes to quit, but then again I have said this before. I made an appointment with my family doctor in the hope that perhaps he will prescribe me something to help me quit. I asked if AA is for me, because i had gone to meetings and I am still drinking. I am a nice, likeable person, yet nobody asked me if I needed a phone number or sponsor. People go to these meetings, talk, listen, and leave. I read and hear how helpful sponsors are, yet I have never had one, I would much prefer this than a pill. I keep wondering if I should go back.

Dee74

Hi Dreos

I'm not in AA, but I think expecting someone to come up and offer to be your sponsor is maybe a little unrealistic?

It would show a little willingness on your part I think to actively seek out a sponsor.

If you've decided AA is not for you that's fine by me too - there's many other non 12 step groups and approaches but - whats your plan?

D

Bubovski

I suggest you go back.
Tried AA nineteen years ago and somehow was'nt ready.
Pity; kept drinking' albeit fairly ,and mainly moderately.

Back this year,listening, doing, feeling, learning, and really moving forward....

Lightning Bug

Typically the meeting has a moment when it is asked if there are any newcomers. Here would be the moment for you to introduce yourself and let them know you want numbers. It is important for you to build rapport with someone who could become your sponsor.

You can go to meetings even if you are still drinking. You just need to have the desire to quit.

yayrecovery

there's something to it though about being ready that is true. i mean it just doesn't work if you are not ready, but please for the sake of the world around you, do what needs to be done to get ready and take it on. get sober, get healthy.

i know very well how tricky it gets, i hope you can do better than me and better than Murchovski because it took us too long, don't look up to us in that regard, just the honesty of when you're ready it works. we don't want to waste our lives away.

Hevyn

Welcome to SR Dreos.

Regardless of what you decide about AA, you'll find plenty of support and encouragement here. We're happy you joined us. I'm glad you've decided to make this big change in your life. You can do it!

Dreos

Thanks Dee, my plan is to try to break the "always on Tuesdays" pattern that I seemed to be locked into. I have a Doctor's appointment for next week, I want to ask him about options for my disease. It is so baffling, I hate getting drunk, but I cannot control my intake. Also, even though I drink a lot, I don't get blackouts, headaches, or heavy hangovers, just a haze in the morning that goes away in the afternoon. I do eat when I drink so maybe that helps. Most likely, I will give AA another try, it is also good to have found a place where I can express my thoughts about my drinking. I am scare of failing again, but I have to keep trying, maybe I am ready now. Thanks again.

Dreos

Thanks to all for your suggestions, they are much appreciated, and for welcoming to this
group.

tomsteve

good to meet ya, Deos.

" It is so baffling..."

heres are a few lines from the big book of alcoholics anonymous( you can google big book online and start reading he 1st 164 pages to find out what the program is all about):

Remember that we deal with alcohol-cunning, baffling,powerful! Without help it is too much for us.

Asked why they commenced to drink again, they would reply with some silly excuse, or none. It was so baffling, so heartbreaking

Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it - this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.

More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall


only you can really answer if AA is for you, but if you can relate to what is in the 1st 164 pages( and the personal stories beyond that) of the big book and go to some meetings and can relate to what is being said, it may well be for you.

yayrecovery

i'll add to tomsteve:

in your own time, just don't waste it away.

Trishd

Nothing in our lives happens by mistake, everything happens for a reason and nobody arrives at an AA meeting by mistake.

The only requirement to attend an AA meeting is for u to have the desire to stop drinking!
Has your life become unmanageable in any way
Have you had blackouts, ie forgotten what's happened when uve been drinking??
Have you hurt any one or caused any unnecessary pain as a result of your drinking?
Have you missed work because of your drinking?
Why are you on here if there is not hat little niggle in the back of ur mind that maybe you already know you are alcoholic??
With a family history like yours do you think it is probable??

How many yes,s from above???

Now you and only you can make that decision mate, you know you can go to an AA , listen, interact and share your storie , then identify someone you can connect with and ask them to become your sponsor, ask for there number, it's up to you to keep in touch with them, they will offer all the support in the world if u ask for it, but remember u have to ask for it , these amazing people are not our mums and dads, we have to be WILLING and responsible for our own disease, when your ready you will know who to choose.

Best of good ol Irish luck from me to u. Xxxx

yayrecovery

for me, it doesn't work by force either, but when i'm ready it does work.

deeker

When we come in to the rooms of AA for the first time, it can be a scary experience and we don't know exactly what we are getting into .We don't understand the lingo and it can sound like a secret language .Then we hear about a Higher Power and the word insanity lol. It can be intimidating .

I just want to encourage you if you are new to walk through that fear because the hope you will leave that meeting with will far outweigh the fear you walked in with. If you don't feel it the first time just keep comin back., You will.

Perhaps for the first time in your life you may truly believe that you can get well as you see others laughing and enjoying themselves .
If no one reaches out to you immediately please don't take it personally, it has nothing to do with you .Lots of people come in and out of AA and they are not mind readers. Make sure you raise ur hand if asked if anyone is new.


Please keep coming back cuz it will and does get better each time and before you know it people are calling you by name and you feel like you are part of something special .

You can do it. We are all just human and we can empathize with you, as we have been there .

Here is a link to a AA Big Book online
linked with Permission Of AA World Services
Big Book Online Fourth Edition

FeenixxRising

Dreos,

Earthstep's made a good suggestion in her post above. You could also ask the person who chairs the meeting how you should go about getting a sponsor. I would also suggest getting a copy of the Big Book. With some reading and meeting attendance you should be able to work the first three steps on your own. That would give you a good start.

StevenT

I don't have a blanket statement answer for this as each person is different. Many have found recovery from AA and have lived lives permanently sober until death. Others have found alternatives to AA and have had the same result.

I myself am partial to AA, and I do not try to hide it. However, I am not so closeminded to think that AA is the only house on the block, even though for many it has been the last.

I think an important question you have to answer is whether recovery is for you. A plan of action to progress away from alcoholism. Of course recovery is for everyone who has a problem, but many do not yet want it or are willing to put in the effort required to get it. I believe you have to be willing to do anything to escape from the despair of alcoholism. It is when that becomes a reality, or became a reality for me, that anything was for me and I was for anything. I would do any program, any plan of action, to change. I had surrendered completely and totally.

Louise82

Hey Dreos, welcome to SR. Good on you for giving AA another go. As others have said, AA is for anyone with a desire to stop drinking and it helps if you identify yourself as a newcomer at the start of the meeting. Be sure to post any other questions you have.

GracieLou

AA is not a magic cure. It is a program not just meetings. I too went to AA in the past. I stayed sober a little over five months and then relapsed for nine years. I did not work the program. I basically just went to meetings. I did have a sponsor but that was more just to say I had one. Same with the home group. I had one but I made no effort.

I felt like you do. Nobody seemed all that welcoming. Nobody threw their numbers at me. I went, I listened and I left. Just like I thought they did. There were many times after the meeting was over I was very sad and I wished just one person would talk to me. I would leave, go home and cry.

I did not want what they had because I did not know what they had. I heard people say that it was not my time. I can't argue with that. I must have had more drinking and suffering to do.

I did not have the courage to walk in the rooms like I thought I did last time but when I think about it was not courage I had last time, it was cockiness. I did not want to be taught. I did not want to learn. I wanted to gather all the information and then go and fix myself. I did not trust the fellowship. I only trusted me. I found I could not fix me so I gave up and drank. That was something I could trust.

This time I called AA. They sent a lady out and she picked me up and took me to a meeting. I was a wreck. I was drunk and crying. I think they could see that I was lost. I had no hope. I do not remember a lot from that meeting but I remember getting a meeting book and several ladies wrote their numbers in it. The lady that took me also circled other meetings in my area.

This time I not only wanted help, I was willing, for the first time, to accept that help. It was amazing to me when I walked through the doors this time how my perspective had changed. Did the members still show up for meetings, share their stories and leave, yes, but this time I heard.

I started going to meetings with that willingness. I found that when I admitted I was new I got welcomed by many people. I went to meeting after meeting. I got more comfortable and met more people. I asked someone to be my sponsor and then I joined a home group. I was starting to work the program.

I am now almost four months sober. My life has completely changed. I am not dry, I am sober. I am living and embracing sobriety. I have an entire support system around me. They have seen me change and grow. They tell me all the time how great I am doing and how much better I look. I thought I felt good at one month sober. It does not compare to how well I feel and think today.

I continue to learn because I am willing to learn. I am humble and grateful. I work on the steps with my sponsor and I contribute my experiences at meetings. My worse day sober I would not trade now for my best day drinking.

The last meeting I was at was a topic/discussion. The topic was "when did you know you have completed step one?"

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol— that our lives had become unmanageable."

For me I knew I was an alcoholic for a long time. Admitting that was easy for me. Admitting I was powerless was my problem. For me it was not just the powerless or control over alcohol. It was admitting I had no control over anything but it was not for lack of trying. The clarity for me was that I finally stopped trying. I surrendered. The unmanageable part came a little later. As time went on and I got more time sober, then I saw the insanity of my actions.

Now I am living, I am not just existing day to day. I have an entire support system with real people that care and are willing to help me if I reach out and admit I need it.

This is where the statement comes in "it works, if you work it".

Bubovski

Replied to your pm but it wouldn't go through..........

Real readiness is certainly a key factor.

Dreos

Thanks to all for sharing your thoughts, and experience with AA. GracieLou, thank you so much for sharing some of your life struggles with alcohol and AA, what you said really hit home with me, as you were almost telling my own story. I am so egotistic, that I believed that I was the only one feeling unwanted at an AA meeting. So much of what you said, I experienced with AA.

Today is day two, of not drinking. Yesterday, I was in such a depression, that I picked up the phone and called the AA help line. I spoke with a very nice man, who suggested I'd go for a walk to get out of myself, and to attend a meeting afterwards. The walk helped to clear my head. It is ironic, but I live in the middle of a big city, surrounded by AA meetings from early morning to late at night, yet I am only interested after a night of binging. I went to a beginners meeting. it was strange that they didn't ask at the beginning of the meeting if somebody was new or coming back, I wanted to share but the chairperson never asked me, she kept pointing to people she knew in the room. I listened, but once more, left like I was just another body in the room. I don't like to bother people so I didn't go around after the meeting. I dress well, and look good so I was wondering if people saw me as standoffish, as a rule I am very friendly so I don't understand the attitude. Not unlike other times, I left the meeting with no phone numbers, no sponsor, disappointed. Nevertheless, I am determine to continue going, trying different meetings. I believe for the first time in my life, I really, want to get sober. I am scare to reach rock bottom, loose everything, end up in the hospital, and all the horror stories that I hear and read. It is true that no good comes out of drinking. For the seven days that I don't binge my life feels great, then the AV comes out strong telling me I can handle one beer, sure enough, one turns to six, and then the hard stuff comes out, and we are off to the bars. My once a week insanity. Then, the depression, guilt, headache, fogginess, anxiety,etc. lasting for three days. I am just learning that that AV is my addiction. I didn't go to a meeting today, but will do it tomorrow. I have to be careful not to start playing again with my sobriety. Thanks to all again.

quitforme79

Yes, keep going to different meetings. I actually checked out a beginner's meeting recently that I have never been to and not one person welcomed me or asked if it was my first time. When I see new people I always extend a welcome. Maybe because I am still new and when people did that for me, it kept me coming back. As for a sponser, I attended a meeting right after detox and a nice lady came up to speak to me after. I was really struggling and wanted to drink. I heard myself asking her to be my sponser. After knowing her less than 5 minutes lol And I still have her today. If we want it we will get it. You can do this