Nuudawn

Hi Dreos. I see your in BC. Beautiful fireworks tonight. I came into the city for the show. First AA meeting I ever attended was in this city....bout 23 years ago when I lived here. No one came up to me at the first meeting other. One guy who scared me more than anything. I found out a guy I worked with went to AA. Went with him a few times. Gosh..those are old memories. I think I only went to 3 meetings total in that first admission of my problem...then back to drinking : )

..I'm glad to read your post Glad to your sober on Day 2!

Dee74

Glad to see you back Dreos - day 2 is great going

D

GracieLou

We are a lot a like. I did not want to bother anyone either. I felt I was friendly too. I did not think I gave off a "stay away from me vibe". I wanted help, I mean I was there, why did they not rush up and help?

So I said I did not trust them. I said I did not need them. I felt like an outsider just like I did in life. I did not fit in. I was different. This was not going to work, again.

The truth was I was afraid. Asking for help meant defeat but defeat was why I was there. I gave up fighting. It had won and it had done it over and over but I just was not listening.

The hardest part was for me was to let go of all the ideas I had of AA and how I thought it worked. We can tell you how it works. We can give you a step by step guide how most meetings work. We can tell you to get numbers, a sponsor and a home group.

What we can't tell you is how you are going to respond. How you are going to react. How you are going to listen, if you are going to listen and whether you apply the program to your life. We can only tell you our experience, strength and hope. That is what we have to give you. We hope that those are enough to get you in and keep you there until you see how it works.

I went to the bottle over and over and over again. So instead I went to a meeting over and over and over again. I continued to go to meeting after meeting. People started to see me there day after day. They saw I was willing. I kept coming back.

It will happen but give it a little time and make a little effort. The more people see the willingness the more they will reach out.

Keep coming back

JettBoy

Hey you and I are very much alike ,I had a problem with aa,the thing is ,you have to put yourself out there and ask for help,they usually have a temporary sponsor list,see the chair person after the meeting or go a bit early and talk to someone. Raise your hand and tell them what you told us,usually you go to meetings for a while ,see different people and then pick a sponsor that you either respect their recovery or just plain like as a person. People will help you,all u have to do is go,put your hand up and open your mouth,my partners seen a lot with me in the three years we've been together,but he says he hates when I use cause I go away ,I'm sure yours feels the same. Try it,usually at the beginning of the meetings they ask if anyone has 90days or under and would like to say their name and how many days sober they have,that's a perfect time to ask for a temporary sponsor..good luck and keep your head up,it does get better!!!!

JettBoy

I was feeling the same way,go back,when they start the meetings they usually ask if anyone has ninety days or less sober and want to identify the selfs and their amount of sober time,just raise your hand,tell them and also say you'd like a temporary sponsor,they'll probably tell you to see someone after the meeting. I know I've put my partner through plenty and I'm doing this for me but also for him and us. I've hurt him a lot and I don't want to do that anymore...give yourself a break and go back,in aa we say its works if u work it so work it your worth it!!!!! Best to you😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

FlyerFan

Nobody asked me either. I had to hit low enough to ask for one myself. The people there are more than happy to help you, but only when you truly want it bad enough to put yourself out there. Don't be afraid to ask, please don't be afraid. Just raise your hand and say "may i have a list with phone numbers please" and they will likely be glad you asked.

sicknote

Personally I don't like meetings. I don't fit in and they make me feel poop, but its totally worth checking out to see if its right for you though. If we want to stay sober and having trouble doing so we'll try anything right?

I've done quite a lot. I was determine to continue going, and tried different meetings. I wanted to find a sponsor, work the steps, find a home group, and work the service. I can accept that I am an alcoholic and I've made a mess of life so far. I can be spiritual, I have faith. I felt willing, and this is what I would share at meetings.

But I always felt so uncomfortable and shy. Massive panic attacks, I'd visibly shake and stutter. I didn't find a sponsor, I didn't make any friends either. It made me feel bad. Everyone seemed so connected and busy. I'm shy anyway so it was difficult for me to try to talk to these people. I just didn't fit in :0(

I'd bounce into the meetings thinking 'this is it! I'm sober! this is the answer! I'll find someone to help me', but I don't leave on a golden chariot of sobriety, all happy like the others. I walk out like I went in, alone, miserable, angry, upset and confused, defeated and deflated.

Some people gave me their numbers, but some don't even bother to call back when you try to call them. Everyone was twice my age. Then there are some real crap people there that are just very sick and horrible. Some bloke called me a ****, and shared some rubbish that was obviously aimed at me. Some of the stuff they talk about is mega depressing. I mean some really do go on and on about how crap their life is at every meeting. I wish I was tougher, without booze I find being tough a hard thing to do.

I'm the same as Dreos. I'm dress well. I scrub up ok. I don't think it went down well that I look like I hadn't slept rough or even been in rehab.

AA say we have to hand our self-will over to a higher power. I just don't get that. I mean it's no use just sitting back, eating a bag of crisps and trying to let go of the fact your life is a mess. I mean, I don't get that. If something's broken you work hard to fix it don't you? doesn't that make more sense? But apparently that's selfish. To want to fix myself up, I'm focusing on myself and that's a bad thing apparently. Although I've kinda given myself a real battering with booze, so I don't see the harm in giving myself a bit of love for a change.

Maybe I'm expecting too much, I dunno. Apparently I might be 'talking myself out of AA' , and making excuses, which just makes me feel so confused. So... what I'm feeling is wrong? and what I'm thinking is wrong? You're telling me this and now your not actually going to help me? Everyone just says 'keep coming back', what the heck? why would I do that when it makes me feel poop.

It sadly hasn't been working for me.

My doc is putting me forward for counselling instead, and I'm getting active.

That was my experience here in my location of the world, but many other people have had a really positive experience of AA! And its improved their lives tremendously! So its worth a shot right? No harm trying it on to see it it fits.

Whops, sorry I did a massive rant!

I'm day 12 today sober. I'm determined to stay sober. Booze will never tear me apart again.

Sicknote

Louise82

Great to hear from you, Dreos. Congrats on day 2. Yes, definitely try out different meetings. The first few meetings I went to, no one talked to me. The first meeting where people actually talked to me, I had gotten there early, so maybe that would help. If you get tea or coffee at a meeting and there's someone there serving, maybe say hello to them and say that you're new. You could also say this to the greeter on the door, if there is one.

FreedomSought

This past week has been weird. I went to my first meeting 4-29-2013. I got 64 days and up to step 4 with a sponsor then decided to smoke again in July and kept sitting in meetings. My DOC is Marijuana (no interest in alcohol makes me sick first sip) and the weekend went by. I honestly just didn't want to smoke. I didn't want to do anything else, either... but I would not pack that bowl ("fill that glass") it was so weird.

Now its Monday morning, somehow I randomly have 6 days clean again after "relapse", I still don't want to call anyone though and I'm still 50/50 on being powerless. I really feel like these first few days of new sobriety snuck up on me.

Dreos

I went back and read your reply to my posting. Thanks again, Gracielou. Like you I am finally accepting that I am powerless, for I have known for a long time too, that I am an alcoholic. I am stopping the trying, and focusing on doing the work.

AlefVavResh

I was terrified when I went to my first meeting, and I was SO GLAD that no one smothered me, made me share, or came running after me saying, "Get a sponsor!" They may have learned that this works best for many people because every new face has that "please don't ask me anything" expression on it. So, the people you met may have felt that "go easy" and "no pressure" were the best strategies. That being said, I've heard that some meetings go around the room each in turn. If that happens you can either share or use that opportunity to say, "I'm not ready to share yet, but I'd like to find a sponsor." It's worth a try. My group has made a huge difference for me in a very short time.

Dreos

Thanks for your reply. I cannot believe how much we think alike. Reading your post was like listening to my own thoughts. My experience with AA mirrors yours perfectly, and so does my feelings today. I was sober for 37days, and just two days ago, I went back out and got drunk, out of the blue, just wanted a beer and of course, it turned into an all night binge. I am tired of trying, I want to get sober for good, I need help and it's hard to get it.
I am starting by reading the blue book. I don't care if people think I am selfish, yes I am, when it comes to fighting this demon, I know I can do this if I can change my way of thinking and my bad habits. Thanks again.

Eleni58

Remember, alcoholism is a progressive disease. You may only be getting drunk once a week, but in time, that number will increase. I am 55 years old and progressed from weekend drinking to daily drinking (drank daily for 13 years before I quit 55 days ago).

I went to my first AA meeting on day 2 of quitting. I felt uncomfortable. I then found a meeting out of town that I felt really comfortable with and have been going ever since. I had to speak up and tell people at meetings that I didn't have a sponsor. They kinda blew me off just saying "Ya, you need to get one." But no one offered. After watching this particular old lady talk over the last 7 weeks and being inspired and admiring her, I finally asked her to be my sponsor and she agreed!

In AA, I have found you have to be proactive not reactive. I also found that you need to work the steps in your own time. You may be at Step 1 for a very long time, but at least you are working it.

How is your recovery coming? How many days sober do you have now?

Dreos

Thanks for your reply. After 37 days of being sober, I relapsed two days ago, so I am back to day two. I am starting to do the work by reading the blue book, and getting the courage to go back to a meeting. I hate meetings, I was at a job for 20years where we had meetings every day. That being said, I am willing to do whatever it takes to get me to stay sober. I heard doing the things that you don't want to do are the best things for you, so I will force myself to go.

wpainterw

I'd give it a try. Share your concerns at a meeting and say you would like to have a sponsor. Stay afterwards and see if anyone contacts you. If not, try this at another meeting. Take it easy. The program is not for everyone but many have benefitted by it. Good luck.

W.

Mountainmanbob

a sponsor can be of great help for a drunk who wishes to recovery
fact is that they are usually only found in AA meetings

if we hear someone share in a meeting
and we like or relate to what we hear from them
nothing wrong with after the meeting
asking them straight out if they would be a temporary sponsor
most will say yes
many times these will turn into out long term relationships

best to listen for one who knows the AA Big Book well

Mountainman

Carlotta

I would suggest that you take the bull by the horns then. Bring a piece of paper and a pen with you and at the beginning of the meeting when they ask if anyone is new or coming back tell them that you are struggling and would appreciate phone numbers then proceed to pass the paper and pen.

JaylaaKent

Ditto what Gracie said. People don't ASK you to be their sponsee - you ask them to be your sponsor. Sometimes you can get a temp sponsor if you call the 1-800 number. That's what they told me, but I was able to find one the next day after my first day.

Call the number talk to them - express how you feel - it's all new and strange and you're going through a really difficult thing!!

JaylaaKent

I really like doing the work - sometimes. Other times I don't because it makes me say/write down things I hate to admit about myself
I know if I don't get to the bottom of the mental murk - I will just keep doing what I'm doing - and ummmm that's not working out so well............I tried my way (even after I got out of detox) and didn't work too well. So now I'm trying it the way millions of other successfully sober alcoholics have tried. If for nothing else I'm learning something about me - everyone can benefit from working the 12-Step program, even non-alcoholics, if you ask me.