Here I am... again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 137
Here I am... again.
So to be totally honest my last attempt to quit failed. Up until last night I have been drinking... a lot. I would say maybe 8-12 drinks a night.
So I am starting day 1... again. When I am alone, I am fine, I can stay sober and alcohol free. My enablers (I don't like this word, because in reality I am my only enabler) are other people. I was doing great, almost 6 weeks dry and then my brother returned home from armed services and he showed up at my door with beer.... a lot of it. I wasn't prepared. After six weeks of being sober, I felt well and normal again. But, I wasn't well, at all. That addiction sprung right back to life!
Then another time I decided to quit, I went to see my parents. I was grumpy (common when I am trying to stay dry) and my mom wanted her happy, bubbly son so she kept offering me wine. I kept refusing and she poured it and insisted. Well, I took the glass but just stood there and held it hoping it would keep her quiet, but she was watching me telling me to drink up. I was very frustrated with her which made it worse. Well, I caved and one glass turned in to... many. She doesn't understand I have to learn to be happy and bubbly sober and it takes time. I am so tired of waking up and seeing a pale white face with red around the eyes. It's like... death.
I promise I will not let them 'enable' me again. I know I can do it, I haven't failed at anything I set my mind too yet. In time, they will see it's for the best and maybe they will decide to join me. I am not the only one in my family with a bad drinking problem.
So I am starting day 1... again. When I am alone, I am fine, I can stay sober and alcohol free. My enablers (I don't like this word, because in reality I am my only enabler) are other people. I was doing great, almost 6 weeks dry and then my brother returned home from armed services and he showed up at my door with beer.... a lot of it. I wasn't prepared. After six weeks of being sober, I felt well and normal again. But, I wasn't well, at all. That addiction sprung right back to life!
Then another time I decided to quit, I went to see my parents. I was grumpy (common when I am trying to stay dry) and my mom wanted her happy, bubbly son so she kept offering me wine. I kept refusing and she poured it and insisted. Well, I took the glass but just stood there and held it hoping it would keep her quiet, but she was watching me telling me to drink up. I was very frustrated with her which made it worse. Well, I caved and one glass turned in to... many. She doesn't understand I have to learn to be happy and bubbly sober and it takes time. I am so tired of waking up and seeing a pale white face with red around the eyes. It's like... death.
I promise I will not let them 'enable' me again. I know I can do it, I haven't failed at anything I set my mind too yet. In time, they will see it's for the best and maybe they will decide to join me. I am not the only one in my family with a bad drinking problem.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Hey..so glad you're back : ) It's pretty tough when your own mother is urging you to drink (that would confound the psyche). I know that a big part of recovery (and I use that in the broadest sense as it encompasses way more than my drinking) is disentangling my stuff from my overly emeshed family...not easy, but required. I'm a grown adult (almost an old one actually) now and need to chart my own course regardless of my family..or anyone else for that matter. I gotta listen to me. I am my own authority 24/7...that simple, but yes..not that easy : )
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I couldn't make my family understand that
addiction to alcohol was and is serious.
Very serious.
I had to become responsible for my own
recovery and except people with their own
thoughts.
It isn't my place to make friends or family
understand how important it is for me to
stay sober. I have my own recovery program
to work and live by and there are other programs
available and offered to them if they wish to
learn about addiction and its affects on people.
For me, I had to put distance between family
and friends due to mis understanding and lack
of communication and unhealthy family unit.
With 22 yrs sober, I live a happier, honest
life in recovery without all the stress and
unnecessary explainations to folks that don't
or won't understand the seriousness of addiction.
addiction to alcohol was and is serious.
Very serious.
I had to become responsible for my own
recovery and except people with their own
thoughts.
It isn't my place to make friends or family
understand how important it is for me to
stay sober. I have my own recovery program
to work and live by and there are other programs
available and offered to them if they wish to
learn about addiction and its affects on people.
For me, I had to put distance between family
and friends due to mis understanding and lack
of communication and unhealthy family unit.
With 22 yrs sober, I live a happier, honest
life in recovery without all the stress and
unnecessary explainations to folks that don't
or won't understand the seriousness of addiction.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
That's like a mirror image of my situation. My family would never offer me alcohol, but if I am home alone I get the craving BAD.
Welcome back. Adjust and try again. The alternative is too awful to consider.
Welcome back. Adjust and try again. The alternative is too awful to consider.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
You've only failed if you decide so....picking yourself back up and posting to SR doesn't seem like failure....sobriety is not an end goal...it is a way of life! 
back!
Certainly relapse isn't "OK," maybe lack of commitment, denial, haven't hit bottom...something's going on that is preventing you from contented sobriety...don't know really...but I'm glad you are here.
back!Certainly relapse isn't "OK," maybe lack of commitment, denial, haven't hit bottom...something's going on that is preventing you from contented sobriety...don't know really...but I'm glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 85
Welcome back. I agree: it might be time to set some healthy boundaries with your family and let them know your plan to stay sober.
When I decided to quit, I let my family know before I saw them, via text, email, or on the phone, that I would not be drinking. It saved the awkward conversation in person and created a boundary for them, and for me, to follow. Since I'd already told them, it made it easier to say no to the alcohol when they offered.
When I decided to quit, I let my family know before I saw them, via text, email, or on the phone, that I would not be drinking. It saved the awkward conversation in person and created a boundary for them, and for me, to follow. Since I'd already told them, it made it easier to say no to the alcohol when they offered.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi Garen,
I'm glad that you decided to come back. You're going to have to be honest with those closest to you. You don't need to go off on a blow by blow description of why you decided to quit but they need to know that this is important to you. It sounds like your Mom just wants you to be happy and for her having a little glass of wine probably makes her happy. Your brother is used to tying one on with you so that's what's expected.
I used the general "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired". Lots of people say "Don't be embarrassed about telling people that you quit and making excuses". Well, I know my people better than they know my people and I do what works and what makes things safe for me.
If I get a return question from someone like "You mean forever?" my response is "we'll see, for now it's just for now" (how far from the truth is that really?
)
I don't offer the info if not necessary but I'm really glad that I headed some things off at the pass. I work for an awesome company and they are all about having fun at work. They like to do offsite things to reward for hard work. There are a few choice people here that are already aware that I'm not drinking "these days". I'm thankful for that because we're doing something company wide next Thursday that may include alcohol. I won't even have to deal with the questions.
I hope that everything goes well for you.
I'm glad that you decided to come back. You're going to have to be honest with those closest to you. You don't need to go off on a blow by blow description of why you decided to quit but they need to know that this is important to you. It sounds like your Mom just wants you to be happy and for her having a little glass of wine probably makes her happy. Your brother is used to tying one on with you so that's what's expected.
I used the general "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired". Lots of people say "Don't be embarrassed about telling people that you quit and making excuses". Well, I know my people better than they know my people and I do what works and what makes things safe for me.
If I get a return question from someone like "You mean forever?" my response is "we'll see, for now it's just for now" (how far from the truth is that really?
)I don't offer the info if not necessary but I'm really glad that I headed some things off at the pass. I work for an awesome company and they are all about having fun at work. They like to do offsite things to reward for hard work. There are a few choice people here that are already aware that I'm not drinking "these days". I'm thankful for that because we're doing something company wide next Thursday that may include alcohol. I won't even have to deal with the questions.
I hope that everything goes well for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Garen, go over and join the July group; several of us are on Day 1...here is the link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4076180
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4076180
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 137
Thank you everyone for all the replies! This really is a great forum.
I have told my parents about my drinking habits and... I don't know, it's weird. I don't think it fully seeps in.
My brothers all have drinking issues themselves and probably even drink more than I do.
We are a close unit and we all get along very well. I do need to take some action though and get some boundaries set up. I can't keep this up.
Again, thanks for being there and reading.
I have told my parents about my drinking habits and... I don't know, it's weird. I don't think it fully seeps in.
My brothers all have drinking issues themselves and probably even drink more than I do.
We are a close unit and we all get along very well. I do need to take some action though and get some boundaries set up. I can't keep this up.
Again, thanks for being there and reading.
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