Here's my thread: DAY FIVE!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Negaunee MI
Posts: 1
Here's my thread: DAY FIVE!!
I decided to join Sober Recovery because every time I GOOGLE something about recovery or drugs, I find myself on this site. Also, reading other's posts and their personal stories has really, really helped me so I figured maybe this will help someone else.
I have been addicted to pain killers for the past three years. Starting off with ritalin I got into the pain killers after my x boyfriend crashed his truck, racing myself down a curvy road. What attracted me to pain killers was how close my boyfriend and I got. We would take two and half narco's each and I never felt so in love with him or anybody in my life. They changed my life, they made me a better person.
Until they took my soul. I remember when I graduated high school I was so emotional during practice I made my boyfriend find some pain killers to keep me from crying. IE, I thought they helped me.
Last winter, (I LIVE IN MICHIGAN) I experienced detox quite often. Almost weekly, and where I work the heat doesn't work. At negative temperatures my detox was Hell. The only time I got out to run my dog in the snow was after I ate a handful of pills or sniffed a big line of heroin because we all know they warm your soul. Boots were hard to wear, jeans were hard to wear. All my clothes were uncomfortable. Sweating in freezing cold weather, uncomfortable in my jacket, I decided, as it's now July and winter will be here before I know it, that's the truth, that I will never go through another winter detoxing again.
So today I am day five sober. This time is very different though. I have tramadol to help with the aches, pains, and Hell-ish side effects and I have Serquil to sleep. So I sleep like a rock, I feel fine. I still have some side effects though, don't get me wrong.
I'm just posting to tell people it's ok to use things like sleeping pills to help get you by. I am going to taper off the tramadol starting tomorrow. Nearly a week into sobriety. I also swore off completely any kind of speed because I found myself sniffing ritalin and staying up all night almost weekly. I can't believe that.
So what I've found so far being this deep in recovery is 1, work is a lot easier and a lot more beneficial.
2, I can talk to people. Detoxing I could barely say HELLO. Anyone else have troubles speaking?
3, I care about things again.
4, I dress nicer. I spent $200 on clothes yesterday. Do you know how nice it is to have NICE clothes and shoes for the first time probably since high school????????
5, I feel good.
and the worst part is I'm battling the cravings. The mere thought of taking pain killers or heroin turns me off because if I have to go back to day 1 again I'll just lose it. I'd probably commit myself to being an addict, full blown junkie if I have to wake up in the morning and acknowledge that I'm at day 1 again. What a terrible feeling.
For the past two years I haven't been able to get to day 3 so today is a good day but I'm trying not to think about it.
My advice is do NOT put sobriety on a pedestal. I'm telling you that counting days, going to bed early just to wake up and be a day ahead is going to make you fail. You will not make it if you are constantly thinking about it. Thank the Universe that I still have a job and can work 50 hours a week to keep myself occupied and, out of the house. Because again, we all know, you don't want to do anything without drugs. Nothing seems appealing. Isn't that sad? Life is just unlivable without drugs.
Anyways, I know everyone says this but really, if I can do it, you can do it. I'm the most impulsive, insensitive, narcissistic person to walk this Earth and I'm doing it. Suck up the emotional part and just do it. I know I'm getting away with murder having tramadol to help me but if I can get sober using it, I'm going to use it because I will KILL myself if I keep using and I can't save a dollar to save my life. So do what you have to do and remember, there are hundreds of people in rehab that DON'T BELONG THERE! Don't kid yourself, you can do it yourself. You don't need to go to rehab when all you need to do it sweat, cry and battle your thoughts to be clean.
Don't put sobriety on a pedestal.
I have been addicted to pain killers for the past three years. Starting off with ritalin I got into the pain killers after my x boyfriend crashed his truck, racing myself down a curvy road. What attracted me to pain killers was how close my boyfriend and I got. We would take two and half narco's each and I never felt so in love with him or anybody in my life. They changed my life, they made me a better person.
Until they took my soul. I remember when I graduated high school I was so emotional during practice I made my boyfriend find some pain killers to keep me from crying. IE, I thought they helped me.
Last winter, (I LIVE IN MICHIGAN) I experienced detox quite often. Almost weekly, and where I work the heat doesn't work. At negative temperatures my detox was Hell. The only time I got out to run my dog in the snow was after I ate a handful of pills or sniffed a big line of heroin because we all know they warm your soul. Boots were hard to wear, jeans were hard to wear. All my clothes were uncomfortable. Sweating in freezing cold weather, uncomfortable in my jacket, I decided, as it's now July and winter will be here before I know it, that's the truth, that I will never go through another winter detoxing again.
So today I am day five sober. This time is very different though. I have tramadol to help with the aches, pains, and Hell-ish side effects and I have Serquil to sleep. So I sleep like a rock, I feel fine. I still have some side effects though, don't get me wrong.
I'm just posting to tell people it's ok to use things like sleeping pills to help get you by. I am going to taper off the tramadol starting tomorrow. Nearly a week into sobriety. I also swore off completely any kind of speed because I found myself sniffing ritalin and staying up all night almost weekly. I can't believe that.
So what I've found so far being this deep in recovery is 1, work is a lot easier and a lot more beneficial.
2, I can talk to people. Detoxing I could barely say HELLO. Anyone else have troubles speaking?
3, I care about things again.
4, I dress nicer. I spent $200 on clothes yesterday. Do you know how nice it is to have NICE clothes and shoes for the first time probably since high school????????
5, I feel good.
and the worst part is I'm battling the cravings. The mere thought of taking pain killers or heroin turns me off because if I have to go back to day 1 again I'll just lose it. I'd probably commit myself to being an addict, full blown junkie if I have to wake up in the morning and acknowledge that I'm at day 1 again. What a terrible feeling.
For the past two years I haven't been able to get to day 3 so today is a good day but I'm trying not to think about it.
My advice is do NOT put sobriety on a pedestal. I'm telling you that counting days, going to bed early just to wake up and be a day ahead is going to make you fail. You will not make it if you are constantly thinking about it. Thank the Universe that I still have a job and can work 50 hours a week to keep myself occupied and, out of the house. Because again, we all know, you don't want to do anything without drugs. Nothing seems appealing. Isn't that sad? Life is just unlivable without drugs.
Anyways, I know everyone says this but really, if I can do it, you can do it. I'm the most impulsive, insensitive, narcissistic person to walk this Earth and I'm doing it. Suck up the emotional part and just do it. I know I'm getting away with murder having tramadol to help me but if I can get sober using it, I'm going to use it because I will KILL myself if I keep using and I can't save a dollar to save my life. So do what you have to do and remember, there are hundreds of people in rehab that DON'T BELONG THERE! Don't kid yourself, you can do it yourself. You don't need to go to rehab when all you need to do it sweat, cry and battle your thoughts to be clean.
Don't put sobriety on a pedestal.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
5 days is awesome! Great work.
I do want to say, that if a person feels that they need a rehab to detox off of drugs, this is in no way being weak. Now, I commend you for taking a different turn. Some people need to feel that they are in a secure place, with professionals. There is more to rehab then coming off of drugs. Alcoholism can and will kill a person if they do not detox correctly. That is with medical professionals.
Having 5 days clean, is far from being "deep" in recovery. The beginning stages are very rough for most, if not all individuals. At this point, you are initially in the detox stage, and will experience many different emotions, physical symptoms, and a whole host of other problems that occur with detox. I think these prescriptions are prescribed by a doc?
Counting days is helpful for some people in the beginning. We can not forget this mission that is changing our lives. One day at a time.
In any case, what works for you, may not work for others. I would not want a new comer to come along and think that taking these prescriptions is going to help them also. It may not.
Welcome to SR!
Please keep posting and reading.
I do want to say, that if a person feels that they need a rehab to detox off of drugs, this is in no way being weak. Now, I commend you for taking a different turn. Some people need to feel that they are in a secure place, with professionals. There is more to rehab then coming off of drugs. Alcoholism can and will kill a person if they do not detox correctly. That is with medical professionals.
Having 5 days clean, is far from being "deep" in recovery. The beginning stages are very rough for most, if not all individuals. At this point, you are initially in the detox stage, and will experience many different emotions, physical symptoms, and a whole host of other problems that occur with detox. I think these prescriptions are prescribed by a doc?
Counting days is helpful for some people in the beginning. We can not forget this mission that is changing our lives. One day at a time.
In any case, what works for you, may not work for others. I would not want a new comer to come along and think that taking these prescriptions is going to help them also. It may not.
Welcome to SR!
Please keep posting and reading.
to the family! Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
OMG 
Welcome. I suggest you save this post for the time that recovery is your good fortune and want/need a remember when. My standard suggestion at this point is to be honest with your self and KEEP COMING. BE WELL
Welcome. I suggest you save this post for the time that recovery is your good fortune and want/need a remember when. My standard suggestion at this point is to be honest with your self and KEEP COMING. BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 9
Its Crazy GOOD
Since I last posted, I have made it to Day 18. I can walk again and boy have I been doing that. Today marked 36 miles since 7/19. I can hardly believe it. The walking for me serves so very many purposes. Some were expected and some were a complete surprise. I have become motivated in all areas of my life, less anxious, happier, more peaceful and the list goes on. I guess one cannot point to a single change that made all this possible or which changed influenced others. All I can say is the mere thought of how close I came to losing my life to alcohol only to have a second chance at actually living is truly a blessing that I cherish everyday.
I know it is not this way for everyone. And not everyone is as stubborn as I was thinking I was invincible. It took nearly "kicking the bucket" by my own hand and at only 46 to wake me up. I am thinking of celebrating mile 50 with a nice dinner...and of course a walk around Downtown Charleston!
I know it is not this way for everyone. And not everyone is as stubborn as I was thinking I was invincible. It took nearly "kicking the bucket" by my own hand and at only 46 to wake me up. I am thinking of celebrating mile 50 with a nice dinner...and of course a walk around Downtown Charleston!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 729
Welcome whereshudistart 
I am so glad that you have a plan and a method that is working for you thus far. I am not trying to dampen your enthusiasm, but just be aware that it is a long road ahead and it an emotional journey full of twists and turns.
Utilize all of your new positives. Your work, your ability to care. Dress nice and feel good about yourself. It will help your recovery become worthwhile and appealing. Read about other peoples recoveries and experiences. You will be surprised how alike we all are and you can use other peoples experiences to your advantage. Good luck and keep posting
I am so glad that you have a plan and a method that is working for you thus far. I am not trying to dampen your enthusiasm, but just be aware that it is a long road ahead and it an emotional journey full of twists and turns.Utilize all of your new positives. Your work, your ability to care. Dress nice and feel good about yourself. It will help your recovery become worthwhile and appealing. Read about other peoples recoveries and experiences. You will be surprised how alike we all are and you can use other peoples experiences to your advantage. Good luck and keep posting
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
Welcome and stay strong! I detoxed on my own because I don't have health insurance. I was fortunate that I didn't get DTs or severe withdrawal symptoms. I have been sober for 5 days now (after 13 years of heavy, daily drinking). However, I am like a newborn baby on this road to recovery. I am FAR from being deep into my recovery. I still have my guard up and am trying to prepare to battle any triggers that may suddenly surface. I have a lot to learn!
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
You said: "I'm telling you that counting days, going to bed early just to wake up and be a day ahead is going to make you fail." I TOTALLY DISAGREE! Counting the days sober is what helps me stay sober! Every day that I stay sober is another milestone and an accomplishment. And part of recovery IS thinking about it all the time---thinking, talking about it, etc. really helps me! If I quit counting the days sober and stop thinking about it, that is where I will fail because then I will have become complacent.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by Eleni58 
You said: "I'm telling you that counting days, going to bed early just to wake up and be a day ahead is going to make you fail." I TOTALLY DISAGREE! Counting the days sober is what helps me stay sober! Every day that I stay sober is another milestone and an accomplishment. And part of recovery IS thinking about it all the time---thinking, talking about it, etc. really helps me! If I quit counting the days sober and stop thinking about it, that is where I will fail because then I will have become complacent.
In saying that, whatever works for each of you is the path you need to follow.
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