You know me
Breaking Thru
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,219
You know me
You know me
I've been here since January , but on this earth 57 years. I've told my story , the successes , the failures. At a young age I was introduced to hardship , not that I remember too much , the unpleasantness. It's somewhere in my subconscious. I remember my mother always working , never home. Working two jobs , trying to keep me clothed , fed. My father left at an early age . My mother , she tried but in her effort , she failed some . I was fat , not well kept . Other parents took too me , maybe felt sorry for me.
I went to work at an early age to have things. I was 10 maybe 11 . I always had money in my pocket. By 16 I had a car , I became popular. By 25 I found Cocaine , I could afford it. With it came more popularity. Only thing , when that phase ended for most , I hung on . It was my feel good friend. 32 year's later I'm at the end of that friendship. It doesn't work anymore . Time to say goodbye. It's not easy but I'll give it a go.
I've been here since January , but on this earth 57 years. I've told my story , the successes , the failures. At a young age I was introduced to hardship , not that I remember too much , the unpleasantness. It's somewhere in my subconscious. I remember my mother always working , never home. Working two jobs , trying to keep me clothed , fed. My father left at an early age . My mother , she tried but in her effort , she failed some . I was fat , not well kept . Other parents took too me , maybe felt sorry for me.
I went to work at an early age to have things. I was 10 maybe 11 . I always had money in my pocket. By 16 I had a car , I became popular. By 25 I found Cocaine , I could afford it. With it came more popularity. Only thing , when that phase ended for most , I hung on . It was my feel good friend. 32 year's later I'm at the end of that friendship. It doesn't work anymore . Time to say goodbye. It's not easy but I'll give it a go.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi my friend, thanks for the post and letting us know how you got to where you are today, it's good to know more of your story 
Are you still working a plan right now? I know you were going to NA for awhile...is that still a go? Sponsor? I don't know if you're doing any 12 Step work but that is useful for some people in addressing what brought them to the door of addiction and what keeps them knockin.' Helped me although I was really skeptical about the whole process at first.
Anyway, just some thoughts/ideas. Know you are committed no matter what, and as always, we got your back!
Hope you're staying cool in the 'Burg. It's nasty here in DC and about the same in Philly.
Are you still working a plan right now? I know you were going to NA for awhile...is that still a go? Sponsor? I don't know if you're doing any 12 Step work but that is useful for some people in addressing what brought them to the door of addiction and what keeps them knockin.' Helped me although I was really skeptical about the whole process at first.
Anyway, just some thoughts/ideas. Know you are committed no matter what, and as always, we got your back!
Hope you're staying cool in the 'Burg. It's nasty here in DC and about the same in Philly.
Breaking Thru
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,219
Thanks for listening , I am sad today ...... Day 6 , feel like using. I had planned to when I wrote this post , thats the pattern . I see it now. I've done it before. Write a " why me " post then dwell on it , get all worked up then use to feel better. I tried , I text , no text back or I would have used. Well sad now went to mad and the day is over. Day 7 directly ahead , what will it bring. We'll see .
Ps. Don't know what sense this made but that's just what I'm feeling. I hope tomorrow is better
Ps. Don't know what sense this made but that's just what I'm feeling. I hope tomorrow is better
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Riky
The only way to break the poor me cycle is not to use...no matter what, even if your butt is on fire.
you'll find your ideas about yourself and your world look startlingly different with some sober time.
6 days is great - don't falter now
are you using any other support besides SR? why not work on having people to people to text besides your dealer?
D
The only way to break the poor me cycle is not to use...no matter what, even if your butt is on fire.
you'll find your ideas about yourself and your world look startlingly different with some sober time.
6 days is great - don't falter now
are you using any other support besides SR? why not work on having people to people to text besides your dealer?
D
Breaking Thru
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,219
You are so right , Dee . The title is now ........ " I know me " and my butt is on fire. Putting my life out here for all to see isn't easy, but it helps me and maybe someone else. Honesty is the best policy. It's helping me to see me. Bring it , day 7........
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Triky triky triky Way to go my friend. You did something different. You came in here before you used. I am so proud of you my friend. I get to post 1 week for you in 24 hour club today! Woohoo!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by trikyriky 
No, not yet , day 7 will be tomorrow , thanks tho
say trilyriky 7 days WOOHOOOO!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
You can totally do it, Ricky. WE all know it...you gotta know it too.
Look at this past week---you did the July 4 and weekend thread for us, you have given tons of people here support that I have seen, and you were so sweet to post my 5 month anniversary and make me feel awesome.
I kind of think you are pretty freakin' fantastic without any drugs added, Ricky Don't you?
Hang in there, thinking of you tonight and will be tomorrow too. Keep posting.
((Hugs))
Look at this past week---you did the July 4 and weekend thread for us, you have given tons of people here support that I have seen, and you were so sweet to post my 5 month anniversary and make me feel awesome.
I kind of think you are pretty freakin' fantastic without any drugs added, Ricky
Don't you?Hang in there, thinking of you tonight and will be tomorrow too. Keep posting.
((Hugs))
Go triky go triky it's ur birthday it's ur birthday
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by trikyriky
Thanks for listening , I am sad today ...... Day 6 , feel like using. I had planned to when I wrote this post , thats the pattern . I see it now. I've done it before. Write a " why me " post then dwell on it , get all worked up then use to feel better. I tried , I text , no text back or I would have used. Well sad now went to mad and the day is over. Day 7 directly ahead , what will it bring. We'll see .
Ps. Don't know what sense this made but that's just what I'm feeling. I hope tomorrow is better
Ps. Don't know what sense this made but that's just what I'm feeling. I hope tomorrow is better
You are doing great. Hang in there. Each time you don't give in to that voice, you get a little stronger, and it gets a little weaker. It will become very rewarding, until that voice fades to a low occasional murmur.
Minx
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Nz
Posts: 35
Good luck triky, when the thought of using enters your head , zap it out straight away do not romance it, go for a walk , go for a run, do something different, we have to change the old patterns,
The definition of insanity is doing he same thing everyday expecting a different outcome , we must CHANGE
T
The definition of insanity is doing he same thing everyday expecting a different outcome , we must CHANGE
T
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by Trishd
Good luck triky, when the thought of using enters your head , zap it out straight away do not romance it, go for a walk , go for a run, do something different, we have to change the old patterns,
The definition of insanity is doing he same thing everyday expecting a different outcome , we must CHANGE
T
The definition of insanity is doing he same thing everyday expecting a different outcome , we must CHANGE
T
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 15
Hi, trikyriky. You are not that much older than myself, and I also found cocaine around the age you did. My friends introduced me to it, then they seemed to stop use after the problems began, but like you I continued to use.
Good luck to you in sobriety, and like the others say try and build up some quality time doing enjoyable things, to try and gain stability.
Good luck to you in sobriety, and like the others say try and build up some quality time doing enjoyable things, to try and gain stability.
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