scarystuff

Okay, I've now made it 2 days and 2 meetings. I'm really glad I did. Even though that first meeting I went to yesterday was such a positive experience, I really did have my doubts if I would make it back today. I started having those doubts last night, and they continued today. But I did my best to ignore those doubts and just go, no matter what. I didn't allow myself to talk myself out of it. And I am really glad. It definitely helped me. I'm still worried though. Something came up today. An unexpected phone call, but someone I was really happy to hear from. Tomorrow I am going to see this person, and I do worry about the temptation to drink. I'm not exactly sure what to do, but I feel like if I don't go see this person because I'm afraid I might drink, i'll wind up resenting myself and resenting AA, and wind up back in another bender that lasts months on end. I don't really know how I'm going to handle it, so my plan as of now is to get myself to a meeting, first thing in the morning. That's it - I don't think I can plan any further ahead.

LadyBlue0527

Hi scarystuff,

It sounds like you have some doubts about your ability to maintain if you do go and see this person. It might help for you to go and reread the post that brought you back here. A meeting in the morning is good too.

If you decide to go let's try a little strategy. If the thought even enters your mind to have a drink this image is going to immediately enter your mind:



not that I would really do this to you, just trying to find something lighthearted and funny.

Then, when you return here, if you feel absolutely must go and see this person. I hope to see this:



YOU CAN DO THIS!

Organiclander

Good for you for going to AA and 2 meetings in 2 days. Let me tell ya when ever you try to make positive change in your life that phone call always happens. In other words some thing to drag you off course, upset ya, confuse ya, or just down right makes you crazy happens. Don't let it stop your positive progress what ever you do. Going to a meeting first thing in the morning tomorrow is a great plan and at this moment I don't think you have to plan any further than that.

scarystuff

Ladyblue, thank you for making me smile.
I don't want to over think it right now, because I'll just wind up coming up with 8 million reasons why it's okay for me to go see her.... and then possibly wind up drinking. As an alcoholic, I've always been VERY good at finding reasons to justify drinking. That's why I'm only focusing on getting to a meeting first thing in the morning, as my first priority. And this person is not really a drinker like me, and I do trust her. So no matter what I do, I think I'm going to have to be honest with her right off the bat and tell her exactly what I'm going through and what I'm trying to do. And if I can't do that, I'm not going to see her at all. But again, I don't want to over think it right now. Just get to a meeting tomorrow and start the day right. Because I definitely don't want you to have to hit me in the head with an emoticon frying pan
Thanks again

deeker

I wouldn't go anywhere that there is temptation this early in your recovery.
I was told to change people, places and things having to do with my drinking days. I wouldn't risk it.

scarystuff

Okay, you know what? I re-read my post and yeah... this is a really dangerous idea. For the first time in my life I had the guts to walk into an AA meeting and open my mouth. And there were so many people who came right up to to talk and gave me their phone numbers and said to call anytime if I ever needed to talk. The first time in maybe 13 years of extremely hard core drinking that probably should have killed me by now. And I'm already thinking of putting that in jeopardy? Is this not a perfect example of how the alcoholic brain thinks? Yeah, I better get my butt to the next meeting asap

Organiclander

Now you are getting it.

DisplacedGRITS

sounds like you've got a good plan there. it may even be a good idea to try calling one of those numbers before you go see your friend. you know, talk to someone who's been in your situation. get your head clear and straight. they don't give out those numbers in the hopes that someone WONT call them, lol!

BarbieKen

Scarystuff thank you for sharing your concerns about tomorrow. I agree with the other folks here, go to the morning meeting. Heck, I've gone to my regular Noon meeting and also a nighttime meeting too. Maybe I'm weird, but I love going to meetings. I'm not a big sharer, but I will once in awhile. However, I listen. Stay the course Scary....meetings, connecting with 'the Winners', calling people ..... No Day But Today. :-D. Bobbi

thekl0wn

Going into situations with temptations early on is dangerous. I was forced to do it twice times in the first week of my sobriety, and I took two different approaches:

1.) When meeting with a friend, I lied. Said I was on antibiotics for an ear infection, so I couldn't drink. It gave me peace of mind knowing I wasn't going to be questioned and that I had a reason not to drink that was acceptable to my enabling friends.

2.) When putting on events, it's "customary" to drink a few and tie one on when it's over. The relationship between the group has been a bit off recently, so I just informed the other two main players that I was cutting back on my drinking. They were VERY receptive of it.

The main thing about my first experiences was that I was still in shock from everything... The remorse from my last drunk reminded me that I don't need to put it in my system. The shock from quitting was just setting in, and I thought that I had to be one tough SOB and prove my sobriety. The newness made me want to be in the situation and show off my resolve.

Looking back (day 46 today), I wasn't ready. While I didn't drink, those thoughts were constantly creeping in my head. "He's more of an alky than me." "OK, so maybe I'm just a problem drinker." "Seriously, what harm will one beer do?" "I could pick up another serenity chip on Monday." Basically, I didn't realize what all was going on in my head. With the help of reading here on SR, as well as jumping into AA, I'm constantly learning. Strength, solutions, and answers are emerging. I didn't/don't know as much as I thought I did... And in all honesty, it's VERY refreshing.

LadyBlue0527

To expand on thekl0wn's post, you'd be surprised how many people won't even question you if you do need to tell them that you've stopped. I don't know many people, normal drinkers included, who have not experienced at least one bad hangover. So if I have to say that I've quit and am questioned (which is actually rare) I tell them that I'm just sick of being sick all weekend long from partying too much. I add that it's just not worth it anymore. It always stops at that.

My first outing was July 3rd to a friend's 50th birthday party. I brought a bottle of seltzer with me. My friend's husband is a kidder (I LOVE humor) and I talked to him for a bit prior to everyone arriving. When I was leaving I went and found him out in the yard talking to people and yelled out that I was leaving and thanked him for inviting me. He comes back with "Are you sure you're going to be ok to drive home?" I laughed and told him that I wasn't sure but if I got stuck I'd call him for help. It actually made everything ok.

visch1

Hi. During our lifetime of experiences often times we try to bite off more than we can handle, most times fortunately they are not life threatening fortunately. For a period of time at the beginning of sobriety at times we think we can handle it all. Alcoholism is akin to quicksand and we must prepare for it as it will get us in its grip. It's interesting, when a small child feels something that's hot they probably won't touch it again. Yet when an "adult" who knows the ravages of their drinking and is faced with a drink does not naturally shy away. BE WELL