What am I doing?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1
What am I doing?
I am definitely an alcoholic. I had been wondering about that for a long time, but I could never admit it to myself. I just thought it was a gauging problem--it couldn't be the alcohol. I'm not the alcoholic who stays drunk all the time. I'm not the alcoholic who needs a drink every day. I'm not even the alcoholic who drinks every week-----yet. But, when I do drink, I totally and completely make up for all of my days missed.
I'm a 26-year-old woman who can't sniff vodka without downing, at least, 5 drinks. I have tried numerous ways to count my drinks and keep control--sometimes it works. Most of the time, it doesn't. And, when it does work, I'm just mad that I can't have another drink.
I've also tried cold-turkey quitting. That's not working either. I feel like alcohol is everywhere around me. And, when it's around, I want it. I'll sneak around to get it. I've ruined relationships because of the stupid things I do when I binge drink myself into oblivion. I was in a serious relationship for 5 years, and he very recently ended things because of my problem. He gave me ample opportunity to get myself under control, and I just couldn't do it. I would quit for a month or so, then convince myself that I could really do it this time. I can be a casual drinker. But, that's just not in the cards for me.
I joined this group and am writing you guys, because I really need some help and sympathy right now. I'm in a bad way, and I know what I like to do when that happens. I guess I just need to know that I'm not alone in this like I feel I am right now. I know what I have to do. I just have to STICK TO IT.
I'm a 26-year-old woman who can't sniff vodka without downing, at least, 5 drinks. I have tried numerous ways to count my drinks and keep control--sometimes it works. Most of the time, it doesn't. And, when it does work, I'm just mad that I can't have another drink.
I've also tried cold-turkey quitting. That's not working either. I feel like alcohol is everywhere around me. And, when it's around, I want it. I'll sneak around to get it. I've ruined relationships because of the stupid things I do when I binge drink myself into oblivion. I was in a serious relationship for 5 years, and he very recently ended things because of my problem. He gave me ample opportunity to get myself under control, and I just couldn't do it. I would quit for a month or so, then convince myself that I could really do it this time. I can be a casual drinker. But, that's just not in the cards for me.
I joined this group and am writing you guys, because I really need some help and sympathy right now. I'm in a bad way, and I know what I like to do when that happens. I guess I just need to know that I'm not alone in this like I feel I am right now. I know what I have to do. I just have to STICK TO IT.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,500
Hi and Welcome,
Yeah, you've found, like most of us have, that moderating alcohol for us is exhausting and hopeless. Cold turkey is the way to go, if your dr says okay. The thing is, stopping drinking is not the whole answer. You need to make changes in lifestyle - people, places, and things you do. I needed to get to the root of my problems and why I chose to numb myself with alcohol. That's the recovery journey.
Yeah, you've found, like most of us have, that moderating alcohol for us is exhausting and hopeless. Cold turkey is the way to go, if your dr says okay. The thing is, stopping drinking is not the whole answer. You need to make changes in lifestyle - people, places, and things you do. I needed to get to the root of my problems and why I chose to numb myself with alcohol. That's the recovery journey.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Welcome to SR forum 
you are definitely not alone, take a look at how many people are online at any given minute here, or watch the forum turnover everyday--very busy place! Also if you haven't already read through some threads, it's helpful to get perspective on just how much company you have in this, and also to see that lots of other people have very similar stories. Definitely not alone
It's not uncommon for people to go from binge drinking in their twenties to daily drinking in their thirties. Progression. Maybe a good idea to nip this in the bud earlier rather than later.
Good luck
you are definitely not alone, take a look at how many people are online at any given minute here, or watch the forum turnover everyday--very busy place! Also if you haven't already read through some threads, it's helpful to get perspective on just how much company you have in this, and also to see that lots of other people have very similar stories. Definitely not alone It's not uncommon for people to go from binge drinking in their twenties to daily drinking in their thirties. Progression. Maybe a good idea to nip this in the bud earlier rather than later.
Good luck
Just a Sober ******* Now
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: S.IN
Posts: 150
Welcome!
Somewhat similar here, and I've read numerous other threads here as well on the exact same lines. There is a solution, and in SR and other groups, there is support.
You'll hear the phrase, "the first drink gets you drunk", and it's quite true. Any satisfaction in that first drink is immediately rubbed out by the desire for the next one. I've known I am an alcoholic for a long time, but would never own up to it and found ways to convince myself I had it under control. The phrase never actually meant anything to me until I owned up to it... It wasn't necessarily about the getting drunk, it was about the insatiable sensation that occurred once the ball was set in motion. Keeping it "in check" was tiresome... Oh so tiresome. And quite embarrassing looking back... I'm pretty sure "normal" people don't give themselves pep talks in the bathroom mirror to the effect of, "you're doing great. You're having a good time. You're coherent and nobody is mad at you. One beer every 15-20 minutes for the rest of the night and you're golden."
Sorry for babbling on... Great to have you here!
Somewhat similar here, and I've read numerous other threads here as well on the exact same lines. There is a solution, and in SR and other groups, there is support.
You'll hear the phrase, "the first drink gets you drunk", and it's quite true. Any satisfaction in that first drink is immediately rubbed out by the desire for the next one. I've known I am an alcoholic for a long time, but would never own up to it and found ways to convince myself I had it under control. The phrase never actually meant anything to me until I owned up to it... It wasn't necessarily about the getting drunk, it was about the insatiable sensation that occurred once the ball was set in motion. Keeping it "in check" was tiresome... Oh so tiresome. And quite embarrassing looking back... I'm pretty sure "normal" people don't give themselves pep talks in the bathroom mirror to the effect of, "you're doing great. You're having a good time. You're coherent and nobody is mad at you. One beer every 15-20 minutes for the rest of the night and you're golden."
Sorry for babbling on... Great to have you here!
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Hi and yes welcome! You are definately not alone is this. We have all been where you are.
I am definately one that had to change people, places and things.
You will find lots of support and help here.
I am definately one that had to change people, places and things.
You will find lots of support and help here.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Sounds like me at 26! Almost exactly. I'm 29 now... managed to stop it before anything too terrible happened. But just barely. It got really crazy, really fast.
I'm seeing an addiction counselor and she's said that people like me who go really hard from the time they're young tend to have that kind of fast trajectory. So if you're in that boat too, quitting now can save you some of the worst of it!
Seriously, when I got to the point where I would drink even if I felt nauseous... it's the most frightening thing in the world. I felt so desperate and alienated from myself.
Get out now. We're here to help!
I'm seeing an addiction counselor and she's said that people like me who go really hard from the time they're young tend to have that kind of fast trajectory. So if you're in that boat too, quitting now can save you some of the worst of it!
Seriously, when I got to the point where I would drink even if I felt nauseous... it's the most frightening thing in the world. I felt so desperate and alienated from myself.
Get out now.
We're here to help!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Hi Kt. You are not alone. I was in your position this time last year in a pretty desperate state. I am 27 years old now and 9 and a half months sober nearly. It can be done. You have taken the first steps by reaching out here. This place is amazing. You will get so much support and advice.
You say you are not an alcoholic who needs to drink everyday (yet). This is a progressive illness that will creep up on you and get rapidly worse as it did with me. Its great that you have taken the first steps now before that happens. What is your plan to get sober?
Welcome
You say you are not an alcoholic who needs to drink everyday (yet). This is a progressive illness that will creep up on you and get rapidly worse as it did with me. Its great that you have taken the first steps now before that happens. What is your plan to get sober?
Welcome
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Welcome. Stopping drinking, I found out years ago is part of the job. In going to AA before the internet, I learned the important lessons of how to stay stopped and enjoy life without booze which was always focused upon. It took awhile till I started to be comfortable in my own skin so all the work is worth it in my eyes. The things I needed was to be honest with myself, "don't pick up the first drink", meetings, meetings, meetings and help others. BE WELL
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Welcome to SR, kt.
For a long time I was where you are, except I didn't think I had a problem. And then people started telling me that the way I was drinking was badwrong, (and even then, I told them I was drinking less than I was) and that I'd be better to spread it out a bit, so I tried that. Very quickly, I was drinking every day, and I was drinking as much on a Friday as I had been when I'd only been drinking at parties, just spread out over the day, and I found myself in a bad place. Although I thought I'd got it sussed, and that I was ok. I wasn't.
(Part of the reason I drank the way I did was that I wouldn't let myself drink at home, or on my own, so I only drank at parties, or when I was with friends.)
It came as a shock when I tried to quit, and found it a real struggle. My first attempt lasted six hours. It was not long after that that I came very close to giving up and continuing to drink. But somehow I knew that if I didn't quit, every day would be the same. Get up, drink, do some other stuff, go to bed. If I had to catch a bus, I'd drink on the way to the bus stop, and have another when I got to the other end. If I was getting a takeaway pizza, I'd go get a drink while I was waiting. And if I was with other people... well, I'd continue drinking till we had to be somewhere else. After all, I had drink at home...
And I didn't see a problem with that.
I had to slip several times before I realised I had to do something different to stay sober, and I'm getting there. One day at a time.
It's not easy, but you can quit, and stay quit. It's just a matter of persevering.
For a long time I was where you are, except I didn't think I had a problem. And then people started telling me that the way I was drinking was badwrong, (and even then, I told them I was drinking less than I was) and that I'd be better to spread it out a bit, so I tried that. Very quickly, I was drinking every day, and I was drinking as much on a Friday as I had been when I'd only been drinking at parties, just spread out over the day, and I found myself in a bad place. Although I thought I'd got it sussed, and that I was ok. I wasn't.
(Part of the reason I drank the way I did was that I wouldn't let myself drink at home, or on my own, so I only drank at parties, or when I was with friends.)
It came as a shock when I tried to quit, and found it a real struggle. My first attempt lasted six hours. It was not long after that that I came very close to giving up and continuing to drink. But somehow I knew that if I didn't quit, every day would be the same. Get up, drink, do some other stuff, go to bed. If I had to catch a bus, I'd drink on the way to the bus stop, and have another when I got to the other end. If I was getting a takeaway pizza, I'd go get a drink while I was waiting. And if I was with other people... well, I'd continue drinking till we had to be somewhere else. After all, I had drink at home...
And I didn't see a problem with that.
I had to slip several times before I realised I had to do something different to stay sober, and I'm getting there. One day at a time.
It's not easy, but you can quit, and stay quit. It's just a matter of persevering.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
Hi kt,
Wow we have so much in common. Also a vodka drinker. Also was 25-26 when I first started really trying to sober up. Also lost a long-term love relationship to my alcoholism. And I was not a daily drinker either. I was like you, when I drank, I took it as far as I could and lost days to blackouts. I was scared and totally hopeless but I couldn't quite get a handle on sobriety. Couldn't be sober OR drunk. Nothing was ok. I know how stuck you feel...
For me it was AA (and a lot of therapy and getting the depression under control once the alcohol was gone) that finally stuck. The main thing to remember is DO NOT GIVE UP. I just kept coming back, as they said, until I was able to stay. Many tough years... I'm now 30. I've had more time sober than not sober. Progress, not perfection. I am so human and still battle addiction but I'm getting much better. You can too. I hope you keep with it. Now sober from alcohol 3.5 years. Never thought I would get here. It is a miracle. If I can do it anyone can.
Wow we have so much in common. Also a vodka drinker. Also was 25-26 when I first started really trying to sober up. Also lost a long-term love relationship to my alcoholism. And I was not a daily drinker either. I was like you, when I drank, I took it as far as I could and lost days to blackouts. I was scared and totally hopeless but I couldn't quite get a handle on sobriety. Couldn't be sober OR drunk. Nothing was ok. I know how stuck you feel...
For me it was AA (and a lot of therapy and getting the depression under control once the alcohol was gone) that finally stuck. The main thing to remember is DO NOT GIVE UP. I just kept coming back, as they said, until I was able to stay. Many tough years... I'm now 30. I've had more time sober than not sober. Progress, not perfection. I am so human and still battle addiction but I'm getting much better. You can too. I hope you keep with it. Now sober from alcohol 3.5 years. Never thought I would get here. It is a miracle. If I can do it anyone can.
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