LucifersAngel

So I went to a multi-family session thing at my fiancees rehab on Sunday and went to my first Nar-Anon meeting on Monday I figured I would make sure to post on here today just to keep the good juju flowing

My main fear with Cody being in rehab is that I am absolutely terrified that he or the staff are going to decide he's better off without me, that I'm an enabler, that I'm the worst thing in his life and he should leave me. It's pretty unfounded because his main concealer, who I met on Sunday, apparently thinks I am amazing and "wishes more addicts had girlfriends like me"

I still am scared because I never really got an answer to "am I codependent" or "an I am enabler"

The only way enabler was ever explained to me was "doing something they can't do themselves, if they have a broken leg, its not enabling to help them up the stairs"

Which still raises questions because I would always cook for Cody and do his laundry when he was living with me... Is that enabling? I just thought that was being a good future-wife.

And from what I've heard about codependency I think I am codependent (I think he is too) but I don't see why that's BAD

UGHHHHH.... Help?

tomsteve

yer the one that has to answer the questions of if yer a codie or enabler.

codependency kept me from facing my problems.

LucifersAngel

but I don't even know what that really means! its like if i asked you if you were a jeiejfh... you have no idea what that means do you? well its a made up word but I still have never gotten a good expination other than "you love and care for an addict? codie and enabler"

Anna

Melody Beattie's book 'Codependent No More' is probably the very best book on the subject.

I would definitely give it a read.

tomsteve

Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others

enabler-one that enables another to achieve an end; especially : one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by helping that individual avoid the consequences of such behavior

Dee74

Hi LucifersAngel

Being separated when one partner is in rehab is hard - but you'll find a lot of support and understanding here

Try not to let your fears run away with you too much

D