quitforme79

I keep hearing people in long term recovery (in AA meetings) talking about the onion layers they kept peeling back in order to grow as a person. I know I have some underlying issues as to why I drank. Some are obvious & concrete. Others not so much. I have been meditating & trying to practice "sober" behavior to the best of my ability but still feel like I'm not truly getting in touch with som of my layers. Does this just come in time or is there something more I can be doing? Am I over thinking this? Lol

Dee74

I think the best answer is it happens when it happens.

I always wanted to make things happen - thats part of the reason I drank - to change my world quickly.

I had to learn that letting go of outcomes and waiting, having faith, and trusting things would happen as they should, when they would, were good things

D

quitforme79

So true Dee...forcing things is an old behavior of mine! I have such a desire to keep moving forward & getting better that sometimes I need to be reminded to have faith in the process. Thank

MsJax

Hi quit, I feel like that sometimes too. And like Dee I always wanted things Instantly! Sometimes I'll just get a fleeting glimpse of some wonderful insight about myself or life, like its on the edge of my consciousness, then it's gone. . So when I get these I try to immediately write it down. A couple words even. Then you can go back later and think about it when you're not busy or stressed.

Anna

It definitely happens. I'm not in AA, but I sure went through the process and I was surprised and shocked even, to find so very many layers. I truly understand that recovery is a life long process.

quitforme79

Thanks Anna and good point msjax, I always say I should write this down when I have an epiphany but then don't. I have a little notebook I carry in my bag that I need to start using!

360shoes

I always liked that onion analogy. The friend who told me about it explained it like forks in the road. For the most part, choose the hard one. The one you really don't want to do or are afraid to do. Everything except for the drinking. That one has no alternative road for me.

If I am uncomfortable or scared of something that usually is the thing I need to do. Not always easy. However, I've learned I don't need to be perfect about it. I just need to try my best. That's kind of like peeling an onion. It usually is not a comfortable job and certainly can make me cry when I'm doing it. The layers start getting smaller the more I peel though.

I think that is great you are searching and reflecting! That's a layer.

quitforme79

Great advice shoes! I have noticed that in my times of great discomfort I've made the best growth. Your advice actually helps me more than you know today

Threshold

To me, it's been more like a flower than an onion...if I get impatient and try to tear apart the bud, I mess it up, if I let it bloom, it's pretty good.

360shoes

You helped me Quit! Isn't it nice how this all works? You ask a question I need to think about!
Thank you!

Nuudawn

I imagine my sobriety is far too new to grasp your question Quit...but I do know that a process started for me prior to dropping the bottle. I had met a pain...and old pain..that I kept meeting and I wanted to end that same pain. I knew I had to quit drinking to start peeling back that onion and get to my low self worth. This weekend when I met with anxiety and discomfort and feeling like a giant loser for being alone and an event and wanted to run away by drinking, I believe I was meeting a layer of that onion (like who noticed or cared that I was alone). So for me, when I successfully override a desire to drink I'm peeling back a layer and getting comfortable in my own skin. It may sound weird but there are times it seems I can feel the arrival of more mental clarity. I feel like I can sense my brain getting stronger...better clarity I guess..and at times, a better ability to self soothe. I know that when I was going through my fight with the idea of drinking this weekend, I remember saying to myself "although you have been looking forward to this for a long time, give yourself permission to not meet your expectations..to have a lousy time!". I was really kind of impressed with that thought..that I had myself.

MIRecovery

In some ways I am as confused as ever but I am confused on a higher level and about more important things

mecanix

Sometimes i wasn't sure that my brain wasn't making the layers as quickly as i comprehended them .
I don't seem to have any questions anymore so to hunt for answers to questions i don't have seems a bit frivolous .

In my experience most things become apparent with time or not .

Good luck , m

Coldfusion

This is what I am working on with my sponsor. When my sponsor does not have answers for me, I ask my sponsor's sponsor.

We came up with a "geological" interpretation, where the layers get older as you go deeper. But I am learning that there is a lot of folding and interaction among the layers, and the whole system is very complex.