Sunnybird03

Hello all at SR. I'm back again. I've been in and out and it's time to be back for good. Things have been up and down, but pretty much worse than before. I got a DUI in December and thought for sure that would be my downfall. It some ways it was, but it also wasn't enough to keep me sober. I'm still lying, I'm still hiding, I'm still driving drunk and most of all I'm feeling really bad about myself and have thoughts of ending it all. Thank God I still have my husband, buts he's just about had it with me. If I lose him, I'll will have nothing left. As much as I want to quit for him, I NEED to quit for myself. I am terrified. I am so scared that I really won't be able to do this and it will finally end me for good.

I've always liked SR and have found many comforting stories and friends. I'm glad to be back.

ru12

Welcome back Sunny! Personally, I think you just need to stop drinking... Who you do it for and all that might matter eventually, but today it is enough to just stop poisoning yourself. You probably can't see it now, but you are a person of worth and the world needs your unique light. Get sober. Stay sober. And help the ones that are still suffering.

Dee74

welcome back suynnybird

sounds like you're still in pretty deep - whats your plan?

D

Sunnybird03

Been going to some AA meetings and looking in to AVRT. I like both programs and can see benefits in both. My main goal is to stay buys. It seems like I get into the most amount of trouble when I have too much time on my hands.

Ghostlight1

My heart hurts for you reading your post.
I,too, saw no way out for the longest time. I figured there was no way out and that I would be an alcoholic the rest of my life. Living in misery and all that comes with it.
And I was a bad drunk.

I managed to quit and it's been two and a half years since I've had a drink.
My higher power intervened and didn't want to see me die as some of my friends did.
I am so gratefull.

You can quit. Put as much energy into recovery and you did proccuring alcohol, recovering from it and imbibing it.

I truely wish you the best. Don't give up. Stop now and things will get better.

instant

For me it was like jumping out of a plane woithout a parachute. It takes either despair or courage or both. I discovered I can fly.

visch1

" I NEED to quit for myself. I am terrified. I am so scared that I really won't be able to do this and it will finally end me for good."

Well stated! I/we find that stopping is part of our goal and that is certainly achievable when we are honest with ourselves and "are sick and tired of being sick and tired." The repair to our bodies and mind can start when we can start to think of longevity and sobriety together. Then the adventure can begin so hang on and BE WELL.

Nuudawn

Hello Sunny
Just over 6 weeks ago I woke up...hungover...and I had driven almost blackout drunk the night before. It was not the first time but I knew it had to be the last time. Something in my bones knew that if I drove one more time...it would be ugly. I would not "get away with it". The thought of killing myself was no big deterrent but the thought of killing someone's mommy or daddy...or a child...or a whole family etc..and living to know I did was too much for my brain to process. I knew it had to be the last time.

That was a pretty big motivator for me...not that I didn't have a million other reasons but that one made me act...stat.
As my sobriety blossoms day by day, I grow more and more motivated to stay sober. One of the things I find incredibly motivating is the reparation of my mind. I am staggered by what I have done to it with the troughs of poison I have consumed over the years. I am excited by the challenge of finally...growing up and learning how to deal with my everyday...head on. It's not always easy but I know it's worth it.

Stay close. Stay connected to your sobriety. Focus on the moment at hand and each situation that arrives with it...with all your wits about you.

least

I hope you can stop drinking for good and please, please stop driving drunk before something awful happens.

HopefulMama

I don't know where you've been or what you've tried but consider Teen Challenge ( its not for teens actually its for adults!) Also Celebrate Recovery meetings...... you can do this!