guiltyconfused

I had always been the girl that could out drink everyone and be the life of the party. The last few years I began to slip more and more with not having fun but blacking out , ending up in the hospital ,being sexually assaulted, passing out in random spots and throwing up all night. Every time I drink now I wake up the next day regretting what I could of done and vow to never do it again. I dont drink everyday but when i go out I drink to get drunk. My boyfriend of 4 years now refuses to go out with me because he says i am an embarrassment as well I verbally abuse him. I was at a function last night that was very important to a couple of friends and ended up so drunk I dont remember much but I am embarrassed of what i said as well I cheated but hardly remember it and now everyone is talking about what a horrible person i am.

I never thought i would end up like this , my father died from drugs and alcohol when I was a teenager but now I see myself heading down that path. I am scared and ashamed of myself and dont know how to stop. I hate drinking but as soon as I have my first sip all of the anxieties I have go away

Dee74

Hi guiltyconfused

what it took for me was an acceptance of what I was and what alcohol did to me.
I also had to accept I needed to change my life, quite drastically, if I wanted change.

do you think you're at that point?

D

Tippingpoint

Admitting that you have a problem is a good place to start...that and this website is exactly how I started a little over two years ago.

There's a thread somewhere here...newcomers maybe...called Class Of July 2013. Why don't you go over there and introduce yourself to some other folks that have hit their bottom and have decided to quit too. There is power in numbers!

Welcome to SR.

Tippingpoint

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...13-pt-2-a.html

Anna

I'm glad you found us and I do hope you decide to stop drinking. You're engaging in dangerous behaviour and it's scary. I had blackouts too, and to this day, it still bothers me that I have no idea what I did at those times.

guiltyconfused

thank you everyone , it feels nice not to be judged. I think I may of finally reached a "rock bottom" but then again I have felt this way before and still continued

Deluxe

Acceptance is the true pivot point. Once you just accept that you have a problem and alcohol is not working for you and just let go you can start working on the solution. You probably feel pretty alone right now. But you know what we have all been there. And it gets better. It really does.

sorry to hear about your Dad. My guess is he is right beside you and rooting for you.

least

to the family! You'll find lots of support here.


If you quit drinking you'll never have to feel guilty and confused again.

soberclover

Your post sounded just like me about 7 months ago. I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Now that I am sober my anxiety level has gone way down. Alcohol leaving the body often is opposite of the feeling when being under the influence. I also m not anxious anymore about the crape I did when drinking. Get sober and start living your life...we are here for you.

Nuudawn

Anxiety, unease, boredom and discomfort are part of life. Do you want to learn how to deal and live with anxiety or do you want to continue resisting...and drinking...and learning nothing?

I know for me sobriety is better...but I came face to face with overwhelming anxiety, discomfort, awkwardness, self pity, resentment...oh the whole bushel of crap...for the first time this past wknd in my 6 weeks..and I ALMOST drank. And what the hell would I have learned?

Nuthin. Instead of drinking and kicking myself around the next...and perhaps continuing to solve my problems that way...I instead woke up the next day and gave myself a big old pat on the back. I lived through it. It didn't kill me. And I learned that anxiety and discomfort...passes.

I would be remiss if I did not add that this forum helped me tremendously through a difficult time. So welcome..

Perhaps this is the time for you..to start dealing and stop numbing out.

Bright blessings to you and your wonderful desire to face life..for real : )

thekl0wn

I know I'm young in my sobriety, but from everything I'm seeing, there is a solution.

One item you stated was the tipping point for me. My girlfriend posed the question, "If you openly hit on girls in front of me, what will you do when I'm not there?" I immediately stated, "It would never go any further," but it was at that point I realized how far I'd come... I had no clue how far I'd go. I blacked out for long periods of time when I drank, and did things I wouldn't do sober... So yeah, it was at that point I broke down and admitted it.

Best decision I can remember making. It's been hugely rewarding thus far, and keeps on getting better.

Raspberry

sorry posed in wrong place :/

JimdiGriz

Hi honey- its complicated Im sure but you dont have to do what your father did- you dont have to explore it, experience it, feel it or understand it- on a conscious or unconscious level!..that should probably read subsconscious but I'll let it ride

And when you dont drink for a while, all those shabby, dirty feelings get washed off. I promise you, its worth it. Good luck, and really good for knowing you want to get off the wonky merry-go-round

Sasha4

I was in that vicious circle of drinking doing or saying something daft.
Vowing never to do it again.
Then doing it again, despite swearing I would have no more than 4 drinks all evening.

In the end two realisations were critical for me;

1. I have regretted drinking many, many times. I have NEVER regretted not drinking.

2. I never have to feel that bad again. If I do not pick up that first drink, I cannot get drunk. Simple as that.

Do any of those statements apply to you?

I have over 500 days now without a drink.
My life is so much calmer.
Granted there are no huge big nights out anymore, but I would rather have my life now than the life I had when drinking.

I never told anyone when I stopped the real reason why.
I started off my saying I want to stop drinking for a month.
Then it turned into 6 months.
Then I wanted a year.

I saw it as my battle and i had the choice to fight it how I wanted to.
I wanted it to be quiet and dignified, not a dramatic announcement and then pressure coming from people asking me how I did it.

I think that since I started not drinking friends, family, colleagues have noticed a subtle change in me.

I can hand on heart say it is the best thing I have ever done.

I never have to feel that torture of wondering what I did with who and what I said to who again. As long as I never pick up that first drink.

I really do wish you the best.

I hope you continue to come here because we know. We have done similar ourselves. We won't be shocked by anything you say. We don't judge, we just care.

xxxx

mecanix

In my experience it takes what it takes, there is no magic .

This time when you quit , you need never drink again if you don't want to .

Bestwishes, m

Nonsensical

Until you get it right.

Welcome to SR.

You can do this.

visch1

Hi. I have a remember when in reading your pain and fear. The answer to a complex problem is simple, not always easy. I successfully went to AA many years ago. Many come here for answers to their pains encounter. Success is made up by NOT DRINKING one day at a time,--no matter what. It may be necessary to go to a detox or get other medical attention but it is quite doable when we want to. BE WELL