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Struggling with loniness, isolation, and long days of work/commuting...no time. Back to day three. I've had a hard time with loneliness, and feeling isolated. I leave for work via a combination of trains and busses at 8:30, get home past 10:30, I feel that with no car, this long work/commute day leaves with no time for friendship, or myself, as it is M-F; Sat. is spent feeling tired, Sunday: Groceries, cleaning, mundane tasks. I had gone 20 days, but collapsed, pondering how long it will be till I get the car fixed, the brakes/suspension/battery, and looking at my checks and my increased rent and bills, became panicked, seeing no way to resolve this, due to horrible credit and that making it very hard to find a cheaper place to live, and craving a momentary escape, however unhealthy, a small space of nothingness, I broke down, even though I knew it would be of no help. But then, nothing seems to. For a while, I was feeling good in all this, and then, so very hopeless and alone. I read these words as quoted in a longer work, and they seemed to speak to me: "I feel the wind’s keen force As waves break over rocks Worn down by loneliness I dream of days gone by." -Shigeyuki Minamoto, AD 963, from The Ogura Hyakunn Isshu |
I feel ya :( Right now; I don't have the long commute; but I am in that situation of having to find a new place and all on tight income .. So I know it is lonely at times :( All we can do is keep our head up & Keep trying .. I have wanted that escape so much recently .. But they don't feel like cravings to me.. I tend to see them as "intruding nightmares" .. Since sooner or later I will wake back up into the nightmare I have created by giving in to them .. Keep your head Up and Keep trying :) Good Luck .. |
That's a beautiful piece of writing...yours (for its beautiful honesty)..and Minomotos. Sobriety can be a lonely bout at times. I have just spent going on my 3rd day alone on vacation. It's had it's shaky moments...but ya know, sometimes where I'm driving (and maybe on your commute?)..I have some lovely peaceful thoughts or great nuggets of insight into my problems. We need to sort ourselves out in isolation sometimes..but when it gets too much...we must reach out. I find this place soooooo important for that. There are so many here..that HEAR you and understand. |
<<< Hi HuskyPup, a suggest that I might make to you is to make yourself not waste Saturday. Get out and join a social group. It doesnt have to cost money. You could find a book club in your area or a nature group.... etc. Check your local paper or the web for things in your area that are NOT bar related. They are out there. Maybe even decide to do some volunteering work. Anything to get you out of the house. And we will meet people and find some social interactions thru that. Dont waste your time just "recouping" from the week. That is a bad mind set to get into. Either enjoy that time as a relaxing treat for yourself or change it and add in the social aspect. You are defeating yourself by staying cooped up and drowning in lonliness. I hope this helps, and you can always come in here and talk (if you dont feel like talking about your sobriety then play some of the games or just say hello to someone) :) |
@August: Thanks. It is tough, the moving thing: One problem is how to get around bad credit, and less than glamorous references. I've almost thought of seeing if somebody will act as a fake landlord! I know it sounds bad, but I'm not sure what else to do...I don't wanna have to move to one of the most dangerous parts of this city, like the ones you see on shows like Homicide and The Wire! @dawn: Thanks, as well. I hadn't realized I carried on without a period in my post for that long! I do spend a good deal of time reading and contemplating things on the train part of the journey. The leaning against poles at the bus-stops is harder, as is the bus, as I feel I have to be more aware of my surroundings/alert. But I did come across those lines quoted in a novel, then I proceeded to find their source, and other works like them... @Kitty: That's what I've also thought: I need to find more meaningful things to fill my Saturdays that I can get to. Sometimes, a friend has visited, and we go hiking, maybe once a month, he comes though town. But I need to look into stuff I can do that's nearby, poetry, maybe hiking if I can get a ride outta the city. Something. I like bowling. ~ One thing I have found in quitting drinking: That I am easily lonely, something I have been prone to since being a very small child. This feeling of isolation, and longing to connect. It seems to recharge me: without this, I find even my creative energy drained. |
Hi, HuskyPup, I'm sorry to hear how sad you feel and about what happened. I too struggle with loneliness and have felt this way since childhood, and I'm an affable and kind person, but have always had difficulty connecting with ppl. I always thought i was a sort of misfit, that I must have given off some kind of aura that others picked up on, a neediness perhaps, that made ppl keep their distance. I know that as I work on sobriety/recovery that, trite as it may sound, I need to like myself first, be able to be alone comfortably. I do think its a good suggestion to try and find a social group, or volunteer position. I'm just starting volunteering, had an orientation last week for one position, and it was much better than I had expected. Do any cafes where you are have poetry evenings? A few where I live do. Don't know where you live but if there's a community website you could check this, or even post that you'd like to meet up with like minded ppl to start a group, same for bowling. I was even thinking of checking about bowling myself! You're back, that's what matters. I hope you are able to get your car back soon. |
@Kitty: That's what I've also thought: I need to find more meaningful things to fill my Saturdays that I can get to. Sometimes, a friend has visited, and we go hiking, maybe once a month, he comes though town. But I need to look into stuff I can do that's nearby, poetry, maybe hiking if I can get a ride outta the city. Something. I like bowling. ** Thats great !! It sounds like you really are on your way to realizing the problem and you already have the answers. Make sure that you do reach out to your friends and make dates when you feel you need some comfort and friendship in your life :) |
I've had no vehicle for 4 years now I am 52 I get more places now than I had when I owned a vehicle Yes, I commute 2 hours to and from work and I am at work for 9 hours, but somehow it all works out Being sober is awesome I am not alone today, I get places, I have friends, I get things done You can get a lot done, too! |
Originally Posted by HuskyPup
(Post 4070693)
@August: Thanks. It is tough, the moving thing: One problem is how to get around bad credit, and less than glamorous references. I've almost thought of seeing if somebody will act as a fake landlord! I know it sounds bad, but I'm not sure what else to do...I don't wanna have to move to one of the most dangerous parts of this city, like the ones you see on shows like Homicide and The Wire! |
"I feel the wind’s keen force As waves break over rocks Worn down by loneliness I dream of days gone by." I love the feel of a brisk wind on my face. I love the sound of waves breaking over rocks. I am not alone because my HP is always with me. I don't dream of days gone by because I am excited about what the future holds for me. Today I have to look for the positives in my life. It's not always easy but they are there if we look for them. :) |
Sometimes I feel this way, and I think it's better to admit it, than not. I do not always feel as such; though I find self refection valuable. I feel both happiness and sadness, togetherness and being alone; I can't deny feeling life's sorrows when they arise; better for me to give them expression in fanciful speech, and likewise to express delight in the same fashion. |
<< You are very eloquent :) |
Thanks! I think reading a lot of Japanese lit is rubbing off :) |
I'm sorry you feel lonely Husky. The only things I can suggest have already been suggested really - think about what your interests are, or things you'd like to do, and do them. A lot of us have to deal with poverty - me included - a lot of us have to deal with isolation too....and a lot of us, it seems, have to make a lot of effort to get even a little done. It is what it is, I think. How we look at things is important. We can have lemon juice, or the makings of lemonade :) If our world's not what we want it to be, I think we can go a long way to making it better with a little imagination, positivity, and determination :) D |
I think it is great that you are feeling your feelings. Sometimes they are no fun but very much a part of the recovery process I am discovering! Glad you are on this journey too so I know I am not alone! |
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