Day 2, second time around
 

Hello everyone. I'm Alexis and I'm an addict. Today is day two without a drink or drugs and whole that doesn't seem like a lot, I haven't tried to stop earnestly for 13 years. The last time I was in the rooms I was 17. I got a good solid 9 months under my belt before I convinced myself I wasn't permanently sick and that I could manage my disease on my own. Only in the last few months have I really started to look honestly at my addiction and think about recovery again but I just didnt feel ready. Something changed on Sunday morning though. I woke up more resolute to kick this than I ever have. I dumped my booze, I gave away my weed pipes and I went to two meetings. I felt anxiety all day but instead of drowning it I leaned into it and I was ok. I woke up early today ready to go to another meeting. I feel really committed to my recovery and to surrendering to the idea that I am not "normal" and will never be able to use like I am. In the late meeting I went to yesterday crazy addict brain started a line of self-defeating thoughts telling me is never succeed,etc and it really scared me. I came to the realization that I know so few sober people, or even people that don't drink or use heavily. I guess the hardest thing now is not really having people to reach out to as a support. I want this so bad, I want to succeed this time. Do you have suggestions about how to get to know people in meetings? Without the mask of drugs or alcohol I find my social anxiety relatively intense and I feel nervous introducing myself. I'm grateful for these forums in the meantime because I can at least reach out here. Thanks for listening.

Yea I am not a people person myself; But wanted to say welcome and congrats on your decision :) I am sure someone w\ a better answer will be around shortly :p Good Luck :)

Hi dusty, and congratulations on your choice to live the clean life! I'm on day 4 and this has been one of the best days yet so far for me. I think you should try going as many places as you can and meeting EVERYONE! I could not believe how much you can learn from others and feel support and warmth just from striking up a conversation with a stranger. I would try to step out of my comfort zone a little at a time. You don't have to meet everyone in one meeting.....maybe try to meet one new person per meeting? Try setting smaller goals that you know you can reach like the meeting one new person a meeting or a week....that anxiety will go away. I have always been a very social person so I can't relate completely but I have also had problems feeling awkward and weird trying to talk to people sober. The best thing I saw in your post though is how much you WANT to quit and you're doing it for yourself.....thats huge. These forums really help me too. I hope we can support and give you courage on this website like everyone has done for me. Have a good, CLEAN, day :)

Dustyboots, 2 days sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. :egypt:

:welcome to the family! You've come to a very supportive place.:)

hey dusty... welcome!

my only suggestion would be to start talking. maybe even managing an, "i'm dustyboots, and i don't know what to say, but i'm happy to be here" might open it up enough for some people to come up to you after the meeting to welcome you.

i'm uncomfortable talking to people, too... and i found starting out like this (and not instincitively bolting for the door the second the meeting is over) was a good thing for me. most of the people i've met have mentioned that they felt the same way coming in, so that helped me too.

anyway, glad you're here! way to go on getting back into your recovery journey!

Day 2 here after a relapse. Trying to stay positive.