shellbellz

Hi everyone
I am new here!
30 year old female, wife and x2 children.
Going on 4 days sober - first time trying.
I don't drink everyday but when I do drink, I don't stop...I blackout and act psycho...
Had a very horrible experience where I completely lost it at everyone at a family gathering 4 days ago....very scary.
Woke up the next morning not remembering or understanding how it all happened but I know that I never want that to happen again so I decided to quit the booze - red wine...
I'm doing okay. The posts on this forum have really helped - I don't feel insane or alone anymore! Thanks so much everyone for all that you share - your sharing really helps people like me.

Well, I phone everyone from the gathering to let them know that I am sorry and have decided to stop drinking - very embarrassing
The family members at the gathering are all drinkers so their advice is that I should rather change what I drink - and that perhaps red wine doesn't agree with me.... Well, I have decided that alcohol does not agree with me...period.
I want to be the best that I can be for myself, my husband, children... I want to leave this world a little better that I found it and be proud of the path that I choose to walk while getting there - alcohol is not that path....
My hubby doesn't have a drinking problem so this is all very strange to him.
Thanks for letting me share

Shellbellz

hayley86

Hi Shell, Welcome to SR. Its great that you want to get sober and make life better for yourself and your family. This place has really helped me with my recovery. There is lots of support and good advice here.

Congrats on 4 days sober

MrPersonality

I'm the same type of drunk. Blackout and act really inappropriate socially. I revel in being inapproproate while drunk and I'm mortified when sober. If I'm honest I have to admit that a lot of it is amusing however a lot of it is pathetic as well. No telling what you're going to get either. If I was always a funny and charming drinker I wouldn't be quiting drinking, even with the health consequences.

Invictus19

Welcome. You will find the SR community here extremely supportive.

I don't drink everyday but when I do drink, I don't stop...I blackout and act psycho...

I am exactly the same. The not everyday deception can be very hard to see. I learned a great definition for alcoholism here that has helped me immensely:

Alcoholism is continuing to drink despite repeated negative consequences.

You will find other great pieces of advice and nuggets of wisdom here.

And no, it is not the red wine. It is you.

mecanix

For me drinking was a loading of the gun for russian roulette sometimes the consequences wern't bad other times utter devistation . As time went on the odds got worse and more bad things seemed to happen .

Complete sobriety was the only way to put down the gun and stop playing .

I tried for 8 to 10 years to try and control it but i don't think there is control for me for whatever reason ..

Welcome to SR

On day 4

Bestwishes, m

shellbellz

Thank you so much all of you - this is very helpful
The guilt and the same is not worth it - I'm trying to forgive myself for hurting those closest to me.
I am happy to be on this journey to recovery - it feels right...
To all of you:

visch1

Congratulations for being honest with your self and doing something about your dis ease. Many of us procrastinated our honesty for years and suffered the results of drinking alcoholics. I needed AA, bad letters for some here but it's helped millions worldwide. I learned a lot but was in my mind "Not that bad" so continued the insane research until I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. One thing that helped me because it made sense to the damaged mush between the ears is " If we don't pick up the FIRST drink we don't have to get sober AGAIN." That fact and AA have kept me going since the late 70s and I hope not to change it. By the way alcohol in any form is the problem not the carrier or container. BE WELL

instant

Welcome. My 'off switch' got worse over the years. Life is easier without alcohol, once i learnt how.

ippochick

i never had an off-switch. i have ruined many a family gathering, as drinking around my family always magnified the pain i feel around them

congratulations on this first step.

shellbellz

as drinking around my family always magnified the pain i feel around them

Thank you for this ippochick. This really speaks to me.

least

to the family! You've come to a very supportive place.

Nuudawn

Hey there...wine was also my poison. And it took me to the exact same place you describe.

Good thinking on the decision about no alcohol period. I decided red wine didn't agree with me for awhile. That I had some allergy or something to it.

Lo and behold the same damn allergy and results happened with white wine then too : ) Go figure hey.

shellbellz

Thanks for sharing Nuudawn - funny you should mention that because they suggested that I try white wine!
My life will be better without any alcohol and so will my memory!

Dee74

Welcome to SR shell

D

ersatzmatriarch

hey shell, welcome!

as a former red wine-drinker and mom myself, i'm so glad that you're here. your story could be mine, except i did drink every single day. so grateful to be off that horriffic ride...

and four days is awesome... way to go!!!

Hevyn

Welcome shell! We're so glad to meet you. SR was the support & encouragement I needed - it changed my life.

It's amazing that your relatives would suggest switching to a different drink. The normies just don't get it. That's why it's great to be here with others who understand. I think it'll help you on your journey.

BowTiesAreCool

Welcome Shell! I understand how you feel. I'm a mother and just a few weeks ago my boyfriend moved out. That was a big eye opener for me. I am almost a week sober now. My boyfriend and I are starting to work out our problems. I am glad you joined us! It's a great group here!