How do you know if you need to quit? How do you? I'm young but on a bad, bad road...
Hippie Rock~n~Roller
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Garland, Tx
Posts: 128
<<< Hi whosthisguy, I am (definitely) quite a bit older than you but I really relate to some of what you said. In my case, thru the last few years I have had many a black out moment. The added bonus of being a singer is that people actually kind of expect that out of you................ (wow, really??) They forgive you for most every belligerent night until the one time that you turn your attention on them and its always just a matter of time. I have lost friends and simply never-heard-from some people again. It all feels like part of the game of the night out.............. for a while. And then no matter how hard you try not to, you will turn it against your very best friends, or family, or kids, or people you work with. When the people here say it will get worse ............. its true. I am assuming that you are not in jail right this minute because you are posting here, but you COULD be. Maybe even for manslaughter. I am not trying to preach at you but even I was not having these kind of episodes at your age........... Your body is trying to tell you that it will NOT put up with the abuse. You really MUST get this under control and stop or............. well you really may not be around in here trying to quit at 50 years old like me. I wish you the very best of luck and best decisions in your life. I have kids older than you and I hope one day you can say the same 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Manhattan/NYC
Posts: 22
Thank you guys for your overwhelming support!!! I'm still iffy on quitting because I used to be on so much other stuff... Xanax, Adderall, whathaveyou. I lost my ex boyfriend because I was so hyperfocused on school to function. That was mostly because of Adderall. But I clearly remember trying to force my ex bf to drink and him saying, "No, there's no reason to drink on a weeknight." I was like... WHAT?!?!?!?!? You guys are so much more experienced than I am, so I should listen... Did you guys try to control your drinking before you quit? I know I have a problem, but I still feel like there is SOME possible way that I can control my drinking before I'm a full-blown alcoholic. Is this just delusional, wishful thinking?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 26
I am not an alcoholic but my wife is and so was my father. Listen to yourself, does your drinking sound in any way like normal social drinking (whatever that is), or does it sound like someone with a serious problem? Your mother has a problem and addiction does have a genetic component. You have to quit. The "I can control it" or "I can have only one or two" does not work. Trying to cut down does not work, only abstinence does. I am not an alcoholic, but I choose not to drink, partly to support my wife, but mainly because I have more fun in all of my activities when facing them with a clear head. It seems that you use alcohol to deal with other issues, especially feeling insecure. This is a common theme with alcoholics, as they are self medicating with alcohol. Getting good counseling can help. I hope you get the help you need and find how wonderful life can be without the drugs or alcohol deceiving your brain. And yes, alcohol is the great deceiver.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I pulled out some lines out of your first post.
What do you think? In the end that is all that matters.
I know that I am an alcoholic. I cannot control my drinking. If I drink, I get drunk. Period. There is no middle of the road. There are times I may have regulated it in a social situation or a holiday with family over but I wanted to drink with no restrictions.
There is a story I read and in it there is this quote "She finally realized that when she enjoyed her drinking, she couldn’t control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn’t enjoy it."
That pretty much sums it up for me.
Originally Posted by whosthisguy 
I remembered most of my nights out until my last two years. Then I started blacking out probably every time I drink.
I have been to the ER because I fell on my face... twice in a row.
I had to get a CAT scan and I screamed profanities at the nurses.
I pissed myself on purpose.
Another trip to the ER, I was found passed out on the tailgate of a bread truck.
My last trip I sliced my body open with a kitchen knife and got 30 staples.
I've blacked out probs 100 times or more but I just can't stop.
I don't drink every day, but I look forward to my next drink.
When I drink, my insecurity goes away and I can see myself for who I am. Until I forget who I am. It's a love-hate relationship
I have been to the ER because I fell on my face... twice in a row.
I had to get a CAT scan and I screamed profanities at the nurses.
I pissed myself on purpose.
Another trip to the ER, I was found passed out on the tailgate of a bread truck.
My last trip I sliced my body open with a kitchen knife and got 30 staples.
I've blacked out probs 100 times or more but I just can't stop.
I don't drink every day, but I look forward to my next drink.
When I drink, my insecurity goes away and I can see myself for who I am. Until I forget who I am. It's a love-hate relationship
Originally Posted by whosthisguy
I know I have a problem, but I still feel like there is SOME possible way that I can control my drinking before I'm a full-blown alcoholic. Is this just delusional, wishful thinking?
I know that I am an alcoholic. I cannot control my drinking. If I drink, I get drunk. Period. There is no middle of the road. There are times I may have regulated it in a social situation or a holiday with family over but I wanted to drink with no restrictions.
There is a story I read and in it there is this quote "She finally realized that when she enjoyed her drinking, she couldn’t control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn’t enjoy it."
That pretty much sums it up for me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Originally Posted by whosthisguy
I don't even know where to start. I started drinking when I first got to college.... I had a lot of fun, I remembered most of my nights out until my last two years. Then I started blacking out probably every time I drink. I still do, unless I drink at home. If I drink at home, I can deal with 4-5 shots and not black out. If I go out, that's another story.
I have been to the ER because I fell on my face... twice in a row. I had to get a CAT scan and I screamed profanities at the nurses. I pissed myself on purpose. I'm against fighting. Another trip to the ER, I was found passed out on the tailgate of a bread truck. My last trip I sliced my body open with a kitchen knife and got 30 staples. I've blacked out probs 100 times or more but I just can't stop. How do you have fun without alcohol??? How do you know if you have a problem to the point where you can't just cut it down? I'm moving to NYC for grad school this Fall and I can't imagine having fun without it.. even though I almost failed out of undergrad because of drugs and alcohol. I quit smoking cigarettes and flushed my prescription pills down the toilet. I can handle that. I can't handle quitting alcohol.
I tried going without alcohol at the start of the summer and I made it about a week, then I just said screw it and drank. I don't drink every day, but I look forward to my next drink. I get really down on myself about my looks, social abilities, and intelligence even though, deep down, I know that I shouldn't be self-conscious about any of those.
When I drink, my insecurity goes away and I can see myself for who I am. Until I forget who I am. It's a love-hate relationship, you see. Where do I start? I can't get away from alcohol because my mom drinks a lot. Last time I tried quitting, I walked 4 miles home from a bar she drove me to (I didn't know we were going to eat at a bar) and she said I was being ridiculous when I told her I'm trying to quit. I'm only 21 and I don't know if I am on the road to bad news.....
I have been to the ER because I fell on my face... twice in a row. I had to get a CAT scan and I screamed profanities at the nurses. I pissed myself on purpose. I'm against fighting. Another trip to the ER, I was found passed out on the tailgate of a bread truck. My last trip I sliced my body open with a kitchen knife and got 30 staples. I've blacked out probs 100 times or more but I just can't stop. How do you have fun without alcohol??? How do you know if you have a problem to the point where you can't just cut it down? I'm moving to NYC for grad school this Fall and I can't imagine having fun without it.. even though I almost failed out of undergrad because of drugs and alcohol. I quit smoking cigarettes and flushed my prescription pills down the toilet. I can handle that. I can't handle quitting alcohol.
I tried going without alcohol at the start of the summer and I made it about a week, then I just said screw it and drank. I don't drink every day, but I look forward to my next drink. I get really down on myself about my looks, social abilities, and intelligence even though, deep down, I know that I shouldn't be self-conscious about any of those.
When I drink, my insecurity goes away and I can see myself for who I am. Until I forget who I am. It's a love-hate relationship, you see. Where do I start? I can't get away from alcohol because my mom drinks a lot. Last time I tried quitting, I walked 4 miles home from a bar she drove me to (I didn't know we were going to eat at a bar) and she said I was being ridiculous when I told her I'm trying to quit. I'm only 21 and I don't know if I am on the road to bad news.....
Hi. I'm carrying my 2x4 but doubt it'll work! I over the years have been in contact with many "where the hell is that person coming from" I almost can't believe what is going through your mind. I don't know if there is help unless there is a sign of surrender to alcohol and inner honesty to wanting to stop the insanity that alcohol brings us. Remember it's cunning, baffling and insidious and don't forget a horrendous death awaits if it's not stopped in it's tracks. GOOD LUCK AND BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"Did you guys try to control your drinking before you quit? I know I have a problem, but I still feel like there is SOME possible way that I can control my drinking before I'm a full-blown alcoholic. Is this just delusional, wishful thinking?"
from what i can remember, there were times when i tried but i had absolutely no will power to not drink.once i had the 1st drink, i went for broke. in 1996, my dad died and it triggered a LOT in me, one being i no longer needed an excuse to drink. i didn't care anymore.
there could be a possible way to control your drinking, it could also be delusional. i am sure if you look back over your past drinking, the answer will appear whether you can control it or not.
from what i can remember, there were times when i tried but i had absolutely no will power to not drink.once i had the 1st drink, i went for broke. in 1996, my dad died and it triggered a LOT in me, one being i no longer needed an excuse to drink. i didn't care anymore.
there could be a possible way to control your drinking, it could also be delusional. i am sure if you look back over your past drinking, the answer will appear whether you can control it or not.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by whosthisguy
I can't get away from alcohol because my mom drinks a lot. Last time I tried quitting, I walked 4 miles home from a bar she drove me to (I didn't know we were going to eat at a bar) and she said I was being ridiculous when I told her I'm trying to quit. I'm only 21 and I don't know if I am on the road to bad news.....
As far as your mom's drinking, yes it is doubly difficult to quit when you live with an alcoholic (this is why we are called Double Winners) but it is doable. Read that thread, there are other people in your boat, you are not alone: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...loved-one.html
Do yourself a favor and do not use your mom's addiction to justify yours. The minute you quit making excuses is the minute you will be on your path to recovery.
We can become and stay clean and sober and find contentment whether our loved ones are still drinking/using or not.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by whosthisguy
Thank you guys for your overwhelming support!!! I'm still iffy on quitting because I used to be on so much other stuff... Xanax, Adderall, whathaveyou. I lost my ex boyfriend because I was so hyperfocused on school to function. That was mostly because of Adderall. But I clearly remember trying to force my ex bf to drink and him saying, "No, there's no reason to drink on a weeknight." I was like... WHAT?!?!?!?!? You guys are so much more experienced than I am, so I should listen... Did you guys try to control your drinking before you quit? I know I have a problem, but I still feel like there is SOME possible way that I can control my drinking before I'm a full-blown alcoholic. Is this just delusional, wishful thinking?
If you had diabetes, and it was making you need to go to the ER, that would be considered an emergency. But you are trying to convince yourself that alcohol is better/fun/different.
That is what some of us call the beast, a voice in your head that is not you that wants you to continue to drink, even though it will destroy you.
I dont know you, but there is nothing in what you described that sounds like anything other than someone with a significant problem.
Why not quit for 90 days, and see what happens?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Livingston, MT
Posts: 5
Hello and welcome to SR!!! let me just say there is no age limit on becoming sober! if it has become a problem at a young age it is the time to stop and become sober. I too am young, im 23 years old, and although i admit sometimes it can be hard especially if i reminice too much about my drinking days, my life has become infinitely better. I am engaged, I have a child on the way, I have a great job, I am enrolled back in school doing something I love. None of this would be possible if I had not stopped drinking. Take it one day at a time, and realize that if/when you quit, it is not the end of the world but the beginning of a new clear happy one 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 26
Reading these posts, I just wanted to add that you are not boring when you are sober. My wife thought she was so much more fun to be around when she drank. She was just too drunk to see that she was either obnoxious or totally withdrawn. Now that she is sober, she is fun again.
And to answer your question, no, you cannot control your drinking. The illusion of controlled drinking is the delusion of every alcoholic. I am not an alcoholic, but to help support my wife, I do not drink. Not being an alcoholic, I do not miss it, do not care if I drink or do not drink, and have never in my life thought about controlling my drinking. If you do think about controlling your drinking, then you are an alcoholic and you cannot control it. Nonalcoholics do not even consider the question.
And to answer your question, no, you cannot control your drinking. The illusion of controlled drinking is the delusion of every alcoholic. I am not an alcoholic, but to help support my wife, I do not drink. Not being an alcoholic, I do not miss it, do not care if I drink or do not drink, and have never in my life thought about controlling my drinking. If you do think about controlling your drinking, then you are an alcoholic and you cannot control it. Nonalcoholics do not even consider the question.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
I'm only 21 and I don't know if I am on the road to bad news.....
I came close to death a few times in my early to mid 20's from car accidents and combining alcohol and drugs with really bad results. That didn't stop me for awhile and I first got sober at age 29.
I would suggest you really think hard about this. Reread your post as if you were reading about someone else. What you wrote would be considered insane by any rational person. Hell we are all alcoholics and addicts here and it seems a lot of us are a bit shocked at your denial. Ultimately it is your choice. Just remember a lot of people run out of time before they get sober. The next time you fall on your face or slice open your body with a knife you might not survive it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: south
Posts: 4
You sound just like me. When you start to realize that what you're doing hurts everyone around you, you'll wise up and quit. And maybe for you, you haven't reached your own personal low (even though what you posted should have been a reality check). I'm telling you, stop now before you end up creating a world you can't escape. It will soon stop being about fun and become an every day thing. It causes isolation, anger, depression, and shame. "Not having fun" should be the least of your worries. Take an afternoon to sit outside and think about what you want to get from being sober. And think about what you enjoyed before drinking in college. That person, who you were before booze, is still there. Don't let your surroundings dictate who you think you should be. It's all about attitude and saying to yourself "I can do this, I want this, I need this, and I will succeed."
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 227
There have been a lot of people posting great advice here essentially relating how terrible it could get for you. My story is a little different and shows a different path but still one I wished I had avoided. I drank a lot in college, and did plenty of stupid stuff but never really suffered anything worse than a bad hangover. I drank more as time went on but pretty much kept it under control, never realizing how much of a problem it was. I realized last year when I was 37 that nothing had really changed. I had basically stagnated emotionally and intellectually for almost 20 years. That's a bit of a generalization, but I really feel like my drinking prevented me from experiencing life for all of that time. I was very careful and smart about my drinking. i would plan and strategize so that nothing terrible happened. I thought i was controlling my drinking, but i guess in the end it controlled me for all of that time.
Even though I didn't wreck any cars, or get arrested, or anything like that, I still lost so much to drinking.
Even though I didn't wreck any cars, or get arrested, or anything like that, I still lost so much to drinking.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by whosthisguy
What is there to do for fun without alcohol? I am so torn.
Your story does not reek of fun. It reeks of alcoholism and the mental struggle we call addiction. Given what you told us I can't imagine you're doctor can't diagnose you with alcoholism...or other such mental illness.
If you look at stopping alcohol as a great deprivation..rather than a door opening to a greater, bigger life (cuz you're life is looking pretty small and narrow in my eyes)...it's going to be a bumpy road. I know your mind can't see how silly it sounds that a life doused in alcohol is a great life...but my heartbreaks...
I wish I knew at your age what I know now. I remember hearing that kind of crap when I was young. There are reasons your spectrum of "fun" is so narrow...
but in my mind..mostly you want to escape...YOU.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,006
You sound torn between seeing yourself for who you are and forgetting yourself.
Being ourselves is a full day activity - 24/7. If you are relying on alcohol to get you through, then you're probably in trouble.
And it won't get better, it will get worse, if you're relying on alcohol.
Get out now, get some help. You have a WONDERFUL life ahead of you
Being ourselves is a full day activity - 24/7. If you are relying on alcohol to get you through, then you're probably in trouble.
And it won't get better, it will get worse, if you're relying on alcohol.
Get out now, get some help. You have a WONDERFUL life ahead of you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by whosthisguy
I have been to the ER because I fell on my face... twice in a row. I had to get a CAT scan and I screamed profanities at the nurses. I pissed myself on purpose. I'm against fighting. Another trip to the ER, I was found passed out on the tailgate of a bread truck. My last trip I sliced my body open with a kitchen knife and got 30 staples. I've blacked out probs 100 times or more but I just can't stop. How do you have fun without alcohol???
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