Here I go again...
 

I have to get honest with myself. I have a great sponsor and I lie to her when I am drinking. If I can't be honest, I'll never sustain recovery. I go to meetings, talk to people for a period of 10 days or so...feel great. Then I get out of the day and worried about the future, upset about the wreckage of the past, start to isolate in self pity and next thing I know I'm in a bottle. And as most of you know, it's never just a drink. Then I'm lying to everybody and eventually stop and go through days of hell! Day 3...feeling a little better, going to go to a meeting. But still shaky, dizzy, exhausted from insomnia, and haven't ate. My insides physically hurt from the poison I continue to put into it. All I can do is try again...I will NOT GIVE UP! Thanks for listening!

:hug:

You took a big step in admitting that to yourself and realizing it's what you have to do.

" If I can't be honest, I'll never sustain recovery." Oh so true! Not being honest with ourselves and denial are our biggest enemies in the beginning. I needed to immerse myself in meetings to get a semblance of being sober. I fortunately kept coming back and was scared when someone said the come back passes are not forever and bad things happen each time we slip. Hang on as the ride can be wonderful once some sobriety catches on. BE WELL

Yes, in early sobriety, thinking was dangerous. I felt insane. Part of getting honest for me was accepting that my thinking had gotten me into all that trouble.....so I was desperate and ready to try anything different. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Read that again lol. Today you can decide to allow yourself to do everything differently. And you will get different results! Stay out of your head. Go left when you think you might want to go right....

For me the final piece of the puzzle was not only being honest, but accepting the reality of the situation. Drinking kills people, and while I was not in a dire health situation, it was starting to affect my health both mentally and physically. I was literally poisoning myself, and doing it willingly. That is wrong on so many levels, and I have no idea why it took me so long to realize it - but SR certainly was a big help too.

If you never drink again you never have to go thru this again.:)