Well, I've actually been here before....but I never really got sober because I smashed my finger in a door as I was going into rehab. As such, I was thrown on all sorts of pain killers & I was tapering off xanax. I was a zombie.
I'm 24 and am a long term pill abuser, mainly xanax & norcos. Although percocets, vallium, ambien, demerol, morphine...if I couldn't get my regular stuff.
I would get the norcos and xanax from doctors....it was pretty bad. My parents are doctors, so I knew what to say and how to work the system. I knew how to work pharmacies...yet somehow I managed to do well. I graduated from a great university (did an honors program too) and am going to start a job at a real estate firm.
Yet despite all of that, I was a serial drug abuser. Eventually it caught up with me and I started having seizures.
Long story short, I stopped xanax....but ramped up the pain killers. Three months ago, I ODd on excess actm from the norcos. I also took some xanax so i didn't know how much/what I took.
shrink told me to go the ER & I did...and all was good....but I got sick from coming off of them. It was really shi***.
I have since been put on 6mg of suboxone and it's been a life saver. I don't use pills anymore, I don't call my dealer, I don't wake up in the morning to go through my parents' room to steal pills. I don't spend all my money anymore.
I'm saving money...a lot of money actually. (amazing how much I have now that I've stopped using). I exercise a lot and am going to do a half marathon.
And most importantly, my drug cravings are pretty much gone. I can go about my day and feel normal.
Now that I've become less blurred by the pills, I realize what my behavior was like. It was disgusting. I stole pills from my parents, I had seizures, I conned doctors, I spent stupid amounts of money on pills and random stuff that I'd buy when I was high and the worse was having my brother see a seizure and me be a pill addict.
My shrink is an amazing man and we're starting to work on it now that we've gotten the pill use under control. He really has saved my life.
I am so thankful for my parents and for their support. They have shelled out thousands and thousands for my treatment and various doctors. I love them for it.
But I feel so SHAMEFUL. And then them and my neighbors and it just kills me. Especially when I watch intervention ( i know) or just any sort of thing that reminds me of the past.
It feels far away even though it really isn't....I can't explain it.
How did you guys get through it?
Side note: Thank GOD for suboxone. I know people say it's a drug for a drug and perhaps it is & I don't care. I'm so much better today health wise (physical & mental), financially , emotionally...in every way.
That combined with Pristiq....my life has turned around. I even have a girl that I'm getting close with.