Mykitkat

I'll try to keep this short.2 1/2 years ago I reconnected with my 1st love,K from high school.I was crazy about her and her with me.But after graduation,we went our seperate ways.We wanted different things,but I loved her.Here,she was close by and I did'nt know it.I had a repair shop and a girlfriend of hers was a customer of mine and I asked about her one day and gave her a business card to give to K.She contacted me and we had lunch.She seemed happy and I was in a relationship,but when I saw her again,the old feelings came back,we both knew it,BUT,she was married with a family and I was with someone,those lines don't get crossed.I told her to stay in touch as she was 10 minutes away from my shop.I didnt hear from her for 14 years.After my divorce,I looked her up on a classmates site.I discovered that she was divorced after 25 years of marriage and was living back where she grew up.I had to see her again.Well,I have to tell you's,its been a roller coaster ride with her.I learned the hard way that she was an alcoholic.When I 1st saw her again after all this time,I knew something was up.She just wasn't the same person,but I wanted that girl I was so crazy about way back then.She always had it together,until about 10 years ago.Her driving record,accidents,propery damage,mood swings,hiding vodka,fabricating stories,dramatizing issues,verbal at times and also assaulted me a few times and several DUI's.I knew this wasn't that girl from school.I wanted to see past all that,so I stuck by her anyway.She went into a program last May.I visited her,made sure she had what she needed as she has no one else in her corner.Her husband divorced her,her kids have very little contact as well and her family,I now feel I'm all she has,not a good feeling,but for some reason,I can't turn my back on her.She can be a real sweetheart,nice to be with,funny,we've had such nice day trips,as long as she doesn't drink.I'm single and never had kids,so,I can spread my wings anytime if I want to,but there's something about her that holds me.Is this normal?Anyway,after her program,she had to face the music with her DUI'S,so she did some time in jail,no getting out of it.This state is very tough with DUI offenders.I've still stuck by her,I had my lonely times and felt degraded through all of this,especially the jail time.I question myself why would a single guy like me stick this out?Now she has the aftermath to deal with,so her long term prospects will be hindered.In my heart,I wanted that nice girl I was so in love with all those years ago.I've though about ending this realtionship sometime ago as I'm very unsure about a future with her and her recovery,but I cant bring myself to do it.I'll always worry about her.I'm just trying to stay positive.Sorry for rambling on.Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

LadyinBC

I think you are living in the past with her. You can't get the old her back. Being with an alcoholic is being with one for a lifetime. Do you really want to take on all her baggage and issues? Being with us isn't for the faint of heart. I personally could relapse at anytime. I can't guarantee anything. You are in love with an image from long ago. It's gone. She is a different person now. Let her go an move on.

Mykitkat

I thank you for your input.I wish you all the best as well!

least

I would agree that her issues are her own, and not yours. I'd also say to let her go and find the life she wants, whether it's in recovery or not.

Mykitkat

I thank you folks so far as this is so difficult.I'm just a caring person.I guess if it was someone I had just met and discovered this,it would be different,but I have known her a long time and carried a torch for her for years.I know alcoholism is a disease.It makes your heart so heavy.I've learned what effects this has on people.I do agree though that dogs make our lives whole.What is dog spelled backwards? God!

ARarity

i know what it's like to be on the flip side of this coin
wishing i could go back to a better me but alas this is what i have made myself into
and no matter what i know i'm growing within myslef as i regain soberity
for when i was 18-22 i was no wear near perdict just less weary and more gullable
i just guess that's why i got cought up in all the mess violance and everything that came along with the habbit

if you love her you have to lovee her where she is at not a fantacised picture of who you thought she was

Mykitkat

Hi to everyone and hope everyone here is doing well.I haven't posted for some time and wanted to update a bit.My girl "K" finished her "debt" and has been back for 3 months.She did stay with me for a while and now she's back at home.She has her sponsor,some new friends,attends her meetings regularly and has joined a local club.I have gotten worn out emotionally and a bit financially through all of this and still have concerns about what the future holds.I still care for her a lot but am still apprehensive.She has a bit of a mess to clean up now.As one member put it,this isn't for the faint of heart,but "K" will be in my heart always.I need a break from this,but having a difficult time weening away for a while to see the direction she goes.My feelings lately have been mixed.Thanks for listening!

Dee74

If you need a break, take a break mykitkat.

MY guess is K has more than enough on her plate right now.

Take care of yourself. Step away...let the universe decide.
If it's meant to be it's meant to be - if not, it's best to find out now.

D