What should I do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
What should I do?
Where do I start..
My father, has been smoking marijuana faithfully for the last 20 years. He wakes up, goes out to the garage and has a hit to help him through the morning, he does this several times a day. I was recently informed of this a few weeks ago through a close source that I trust. I have suspected he was using due to his red eyes and odd behaviour. I have been unable to look at him the same way since finding out, he knows I know, but has said nothing of it.
To add to it, he has recently picked up on his drinking. When my father and mother were married, I have memories of the two of them arguing and her calling him a drunk. My mother is a recovering alcoholic herself of 7 years now and I am thankful of this. I have grown up in AA with her so I know what it is all about. Back to my father, he started drinking again, it started with beer constantly in his hand no matter what time it was, and then I noticed the empty bottles of whiskey in closet, 6 or 7 of them, empty bottles of vodka etc..I now notice him going upstairs to his bedroom with a glass half full of coke and coming down with it full.
I'm unsure of what to do, I'm only 18. My fathers ex wife has told me that she has tried for years to help him but nothing worked and now it is up to me, his youngest daughter to try and solve this. I just don't know how to.
My father, has been smoking marijuana faithfully for the last 20 years. He wakes up, goes out to the garage and has a hit to help him through the morning, he does this several times a day. I was recently informed of this a few weeks ago through a close source that I trust. I have suspected he was using due to his red eyes and odd behaviour. I have been unable to look at him the same way since finding out, he knows I know, but has said nothing of it.
To add to it, he has recently picked up on his drinking. When my father and mother were married, I have memories of the two of them arguing and her calling him a drunk. My mother is a recovering alcoholic herself of 7 years now and I am thankful of this. I have grown up in AA with her so I know what it is all about. Back to my father, he started drinking again, it started with beer constantly in his hand no matter what time it was, and then I noticed the empty bottles of whiskey in closet, 6 or 7 of them, empty bottles of vodka etc..I now notice him going upstairs to his bedroom with a glass half full of coke and coming down with it full.
I'm unsure of what to do, I'm only 18. My fathers ex wife has told me that she has tried for years to help him but nothing worked and now it is up to me, his youngest daughter to try and solve this. I just don't know how to.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
There is really nothing you can do to stop his drinking and drug use Albumen. He has to want to change and get better for himself. It's a bit unfair of his ex wife to tell you that you are in charge of "solving" this - because there's really no one who can solve the problem other than your Father. You can certainly be supportive if he asks for help, and you have a resource in your mother as well.
What's most important is making sure you are OK though - did you ever go to Al Anon when your mother was recovering? That may be the best bet here since you are already familiar with AA.
What's most important is making sure you are OK though - did you ever go to Al Anon when your mother was recovering? That may be the best bet here since you are already familiar with AA.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
This is not up to you to solve. I understand the sentiment behind the words. Please do not take his alcoholism onto your shoulders. This is not yours. The best thing that you can do for yourself, is to take care of you. Stay informed on Alcoholism. Post on here, and get all the support you can. You are 18 and your life is just beginning. Live it. Your father will have to come to his own decisions regarding his alcoholism, and If he wants to get help for it. I am sorry that you are going through this. Please know that you are not alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
My step mom told me in hopes as his last chance, that maybe by him knowing that his youngest daughter is aware of his doings that it would stop him. I was hoping that it would as well, but it hasn't. I know it isn't up to me, but I feel as though if I don't try to help no one will. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this so that is why I came here. I have always looked up to my dad as a role model, but he ruined it for me.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
You cannot be responsible for his choices and actions. And wishing he'd decide to get sober is just that - wishing.
Take care of yourself. Get some support. Check out AlAnon in your area and take in a meeting if you can. 
We also have a friends and family forum here for further insight from people who understand what you're going thru.
Take care of yourself. Get some support. Check out AlAnon in your area and take in a meeting if you can. We also have a friends and family forum here for further insight from people who understand what you're going thru.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Albumen 
My step mom told me in hopes as his last chance, that maybe by him knowing that his youngest daughter is aware of his doings that it would stop him. I was hoping that it would as well, but it hasn't. I know it isn't up to me, but I feel as though if I don't try to help no one will. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this so that is why I came here. I have always looked up to my dad as a role model, but he ruined it for me.
You can certainly let your dad know of your disappointment and concern, but as has already been mentioned you cannot make him stop drinking not matter how hard you try. It's very important to remember that. He most likely knows that he let you down and everyone around him, but he has a disease that no one but he can start the process of recovering from.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Coming here is a great move Albumen. We are here to listen, and there is also a subforum for friends and family of alcoholics - please check that out.
You can certainly let your dad know of your disappointment and concern, but as has already been mentioned you cannot make him stop drinking not matter how hard you try. It's very important to remember that. He most likely knows that he let you down and everyone around him, but he has a disease that no one but he can start the process of recovering from.
You can certainly let your dad know of your disappointment and concern, but as has already been mentioned you cannot make him stop drinking not matter how hard you try. It's very important to remember that. He most likely knows that he let you down and everyone around him, but he has a disease that no one but he can start the process of recovering from.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
