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At a Crossroads

Old 07-11-2013, 09:49 AM
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At a Crossroads

I just found out positively I have to get out of here . 2 options; staying up here in this state not knowing anyone or having any family or such . Ohh and Barely able to support myself .. Or moving back to my home town where all the "Old Bros" are .. I am leaning towards my home town at this point cause I feel so defeated and beaten up . But there is that problem of peer pressure cause I know my Boys will wanna take me out to help me forget
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Old 07-11-2013, 10:03 AM
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Hummm..... That's a tough one! I hope you are able to stay sober either way. Tell your boys they can take you out for pizza and help you move if they want to be there for you. haha.

I live in an expensive place (San Diego) away from family too so I've had these same issues... I stayed in Cali but man its a lot of work to make it out here. If I lived anywhere in the Midwest, for example, I'm sure I could own a big home and have a nicer car and all that jazz but I do love this place so I guess it's worth the extra blood sweat and tears. I totally get where you are coming from though.

We both need to win the lottery. That's all. I decided.

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Old 07-11-2013, 10:08 AM
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That is a tough one - a lot of people have the "change of people, places, and things" mentality when they're trying to quit, and that can definitely work - remove the stimuli, and the problem is more manageable. For others, that isolation just feeds the habit.

Are you sure the ol' boyz wouldn't understand and be supportive?

I recently moved back to my old town and quit drinking, and quickly figured out who my real friends were - some stayed, and some didn't, and that makes you appreciate the ones who stayed even more.

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
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Old 07-11-2013, 10:10 AM
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The lottery might help some; but it is the loss of my best friend as well as my cats that are really getting me now I have this feeling I am gonna have to go back to my home town w\ my parents for a couple months ... Boston is so not cheap either so I know I could never make it here on my own .. especially w\ all my medical issues as well .. That is another thing that scares me about all this .. I am not sure I could get\afford insurance in my home town either .... But I do have all my family there for support at the very least where as Here I would have No One I mean I am sure she would let me "visit" the Cats & all; and maybe down the road we would become "friends" again but this is just so tough right now .. Plus I work tonight and have only had 14 hours sleep in 5 days *sigh*
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Old 07-11-2013, 10:13 AM
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Ohhh I KNOW they would be supportive if I pushed it and stood my ground .. Problem is they OWN 4 clubs there; not dive bars either lol Nice clubs so that is where ALL my friends hang; their bands play their and all; it is like Cheers LOL I just don't see me as sam though :p

Originally Posted by AceyMack View Post
That is a tough one - a lot of people have the "change of people, places, and things" mentality when they're trying to quit, and that can definitely work - remove the stimuli, and the problem is more manageable. For others, that isolation just feeds the habit.

Are you sure the ol' boyz wouldn't understand and be supportive?

I recently moved back to my old town and quit drinking, and quickly figured out who my real friends were - some stayed, and some didn't, and that makes you appreciate the ones who stayed even more.

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
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Old 07-11-2013, 10:25 AM
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The Urge ti walk to the Packie and Buy a 12 pack just struck strong too *sigh* ...
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Old 07-11-2013, 11:31 AM
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Aw, shoot - that is tough. If it's any reassurance (which I'm sure it's not), I've worked in bars since I was a minor - still do to this day - and staying clean is completely possible. They stay stocked with my non-alcoholic drinks, and the staff know not to push anything on me.

It takes some form-fitting, but it can be done.
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Old 07-11-2013, 11:34 AM
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Time to get some new boys or at least stay away from them
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Old 07-11-2013, 11:42 AM
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No matter where you move or what you do AW, there will be stress and cravings. The key is working on a sobriety plan that you can use anywhere. Sure, there might be more people you know back home that are drinking buddies and temptations, but you have to absolutely commit 100% to not hanging out with them or in those places if you move back.

Make and inventory of what you have now, and what potential there is where you live. Maybe you could find a better job? You'll most likely need to find new friends at home anyway so not having friends now can't be an excuse - you'll need to make new ones wherever you are.

But the bottom line is, your sobriety is an independant issue you need to address on it's own. Moving somewhere else won't magically make all the bad stuff go away, there will just be different bad stuff.
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Old 07-11-2013, 11:53 AM
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I fully understand that Scott .. As for "making friends" that will not happen no matter where I go as I have been saying I am not a people person at all; hence I have one true friend here & She wants me out lol All the ones in my home town are from High School days; I have not made a "new friend" in over 15 years; so I don't see that happening no matter where I am at .. As I said I am at a crossroads; become a shut in but "live" here w\ a chance to make amends w\ her as a friend at the very least(she is being very kind right now) and have a chance to see my cats from time to time; or Go to my Home town and become a shut in fighting the urge to go out w\ the old crowd day in day out .. Ohh and no medical insurance in my home town to say the least . Which is a another issue I can not even Begin to get into ... 29 years of saying "I don't wanna deal.." Has just caught up w\ me ...
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Old 07-11-2013, 12:10 PM
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Just take one thing at a time. And never say never - you are merely at the beginning of a whole new sober life. There's nothing to say in a few months you won't become a tiny bit more social and meet some new people.

Just look back at how much progress you have made in the past several weeks - and think of how much better things will be in a few more.
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Old 07-11-2013, 12:37 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post

Just look back at how much progress you have made in the past several weeks - and think of how much better things will be in a few more.
In my eyes it is looking pretty bleak really .. I have just lost my Girl; my best friend; my cats and home all in one fail swoop .. I do not know where I am going to go or if I can make it up here on my own. The thought of going back to my parents at 42 is to say the least scary, embarrassing, & down right sad. Really not trying to be a "downer" but it ain't looking all that .. Especially w\ the month of clarity I have I am seeing more and more of what an ass I have been lol
But TY Scott ...
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Old 07-11-2013, 12:46 PM
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And think of how much worse all those things would have been if you were drinking.
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Old 07-11-2013, 12:51 PM
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I do realize that; I just "don't wanna deal.." But as I said sooner or later I have to grow up .. Story of my life ..
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Old 07-11-2013, 01:00 PM
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Originally Posted by AugustWest11 View Post
I do realize that; I just "don't wanna deal.." But as I said sooner or later I have to grow up .. Story of my life ..
Well, you are definitely "dealing" with your drinking now - you have been for several weeks. I would say that's being very "grown up" in respect to working on a very complex/live changing issue. Perhaps you could apply some of whatever worked for you to stop the drinking to some of your everyday life issues?
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Old 07-11-2013, 01:23 PM
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Not sure what worked Hope maybe that I wouldn't be loosing everything ..
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