Robbie86

Hi all, my name is Robert and I am an alcoholic, I really want to stop drinking but I just can not seem to resist these incessant cravings. I need help, please tell me what I need to do. My life is really out of control and I am a slave to my addiction. Thanks.

Robbie86

I did an online aa meeting yesterday but it didn't do anything to stop me drinking today, I keep thinking there is some elusive secret I am missing that I need to know to free myself but I cannot find it. I used to be a periodic alcoholic and could last weeks/months but I am a chronic relapser. Now, I am drinking every second day and I know drinking everyday can not be far off. My tolerance has gone through the roof, I used to be able to get drunk on 6-7 beers, now I am drinking double that. I also am addicted to taking ecstasy when drunk, always trying to chase the highest high. My wonderful family are at their wits end with me and I cannot blame them, this has been going on for a decade. I also have really bad social anxiety disorder which has kept me from getting help for many years but now I am really desperate because I know this will just get worse and I am playing with fire. I feel so helpless and confused.

Robbie86

I haven't lived for over a decade, just existed as a drunk recluse pretty much, I only used to be able to leave my house when I was drunk, what a way to live, eh? I used alcohol to self-medicate by severe sa. My addiction always twists my arm to drink again, I usually last a few days now to a week and then just go straight back to it. I also have bad depression which just makes it all the harder to stay sober.

Robbie86

Do I need to detox? I don't really understand withdrawals and the like and how much they last for.

jkb

Cravings are tough but now with some sobriety I see them as both a curse and blessing. I, like you, really wanted to stop abusing myself but, the cravings were so overwhelming (curse). However, when I decided it had to stop and said "I WILL NOT DRINK NO MATTER WHAT" well, then every time I beat a craving I just got stronger knowing that I could do it (blessing).

Detox is up to you. If you are having physical wd definitely seek out professional help.

Jess

cruth

Hi, have you visited a doctor? perhaps one can assist you in getting healthy.

Robbie86

I have not seen my doctor about it. I am seeing a psychologist tomorrow and hopefully starting a duel diagnosis alcohol program. I just feel so weak when the obsessive thoughts start up, they are so persuasive. Do I just need to use will-power against them? Is that all I can do?

chicory

Good for you Robbie, in taking care of yourself, and admitting you need help.

I am trying to get my son, who sounds much like your situation (SA and Addictions), into a recovery program, through an intervention. I so hope that he even gets to where you are, admitting he needs help, and seeking recovery and help for his dual issues.

You can do this, people do recover. AA is a great help to many, so many here will tell you. its gotta be tough at first. I wish you well, am glad you are here, and please stick around and believe-no matter how tough it is- that you can and will do this!

great support here , read the stickies, and get to know the awesome recovering folks here!
best wishes and prayers for you,
chicory

doggonecarl

A detox and a short stint in rehab may do you good, since that may be the only way to keep yourself from drinking. Once you been sober a few days, you might find the cravings difficult, but you will be better able to resist the urge to drink.

The Big Book of AA talks about the role of will power in alcoholism. You can find a copy online. Worth reading.

Robbie86

Thanks Chicory, appreciate it and hope it ends soon. Hope for your son too.

Newatthis34

Hey Robbie,

Welcome to SR, it's so helpful to read and post here. I recommend you start exploring and reading what others have posted and been through, it's been really beneficial for me.
Everyone recommends going to a doc if you think you are in danger while detoxing. I've never done that - I usually have a horrible hangover but by day two am starting to feel great so I don't think I had a physical addiction built up YET. Good that you are seeing a counselor tomorrow, that's a great first move. For me I found great help in reading about Rational Recovery/AVRT on the secular connections forum on here. Check it out if you don't want to do AA.
You've made a fantastic start in identifying you have a problem, I only faced up to that a year or so ago although the realisation had been slowly dawning on me for some time before that. I'm only on day 10 myself now after a few failed attempts this past 15 months. I don't have the answers either but at least I do know now that there is no more escaping the truth of my situation. I cannot drink alcohol. I cannot moderate. End of story. I hope you find some answers and start looking at this in a positive light - freedom from the obsession of alcohol and the grip it has on your life. Onwards and upwards!!

PS I'm Irish too and I think we have an extra level of challenge since our culture is so alcohol seeped. Plus it takes strength to stand out from the crowd as a tee-totaller here.

Robbie86

Thanks, I have the big book so I think will start reading it again. I tried the avrt route and it worked for seven long months, the longest I was ever sober but then for some reason, I fell again. I really thought I was free that time but it always turns out to be false hope. I need help and welcome it. I am so desperate.

Robbie86

Hi Newatthis, thanks for your friendly welcome and congrats on 10 days. That is great. I don't think I need to detox, I don't see myself as being a chronic alcoholic although I am moving ever closer so I don't think there is any risk with any serious withdrawals. Yeah, I am hopeful that I will be getting some help because it's clear I cannot do this alone. It's just too strong/hard and I am too weak against it's incessant temptations. Unfortunately I tried the avrt way and it all made so much sense and it worked for a long time but then it all came crashing down again, tried 3 more times to get it right and same situation. Yeah, I agree too, my drinking days are over when I get the help I so desperately need. I don't do moderation, never have, just drink for the buzz, beer makes me so sick yet I still drink it for the buzz and stay well clear of spirits since I usually end up arrested or seriously hurt myself on those. And yeah, I think Ireland is the hardest country to be sober in what with our glorified drinking culture. It still has to be done. Life or death, this stuff will kill us if we don't purge it from our lives. I hope you are freed from the bondage of addiction like me and everyone else on this wonderful site. God bless you all.

Dubliner

Hi Robbie, Great to see a Fellow Dubliner on here, It sounds like you're in a bit of a rut alright, The thing is tho, You know something is wrong and that it needs to stop, You've made the right choice to come on here and you want to seek help, Once you have been sober for a while you will see the little things you may have missed, you may enjoy doing a lot of simple things that you never thought you enjoyed while you were on the drink and ecstasy etc. You will also have a lot more money in your pocket and will be sleeping better waking up better etc, I wish you nothing but the best & a full recovery mate.

Newatthis34

Sounds like the addiction is psychological then, same as me I think. But of course it's only a matter of time before we're on the other side too. I suppose for me I always figured quitting would be someting I'd get around to doing some day, but until that day arrived I'd keep enjoying myself. Then as time went by I realised I wasn't enjoying myself anymore either. That coupled with some life-changing events (my mother being diagnosed with terminal cancer, nursing her and watching her die) made me realise that the years were flying by, and I, now 36, was watching my life slip past me while I dithered and delayed the day of finally quitting. As I said, I have no answers or guarantees but all I know is that I cannot drink. So far I haven't been getting bad cravings because somehow I haven't given them the space to develop in my head. Maybe this is me shouting down my AV? I understand that RR can be too theoretical at times, as you say reading the material, it making sense and then caving into the cravings is easily done. But I have found that if I start actually applying it and literally saying - out loud if needs be! - 'NO, I'm never drinking again!!' it does seem to help. Maybe its the same principle as when if you smile, even a fake smile, after a while you actually do feel in a better mood! I say let's utilise all the tricks we can get our hands on if it works.

Newatthis34

Wow the board is full of Irish people today - guys check out the July thread and join us there too!

Newatthis34

Sorry Dubliner looks like you've been sober a while! Should have read your post properly

Dubliner

No problem mate, Yeah I've basically just accepted the fact that alcohol is not an option for myself anymore either. It's never just one either..Best of luck everybody

Robbie86

Hi Brother, thanks for your friendly welcome, yeah I am in a bad rut. A slave to this heinous affliction. I am fully committed to ending this despicable existence and look forward to true long lasting sobriety. I am glad to have you wonderful guys and gals. Yeah, there are so many reasons for me to stop drinking, it's not even funny. I was in denial for most of the decade of drunkenness and chaos. Not anymore, I have to stay hopeful that this can end and I believe it can but only with help.

Robbie86

Hi again Newatthis, yeah I believe the addiction is mainly psychological although I do experience feelings/cravings to drink so I don't know if that is psychological or physical too. Nothing major like dt's or anything. Yeah, I was the same, putting these things off for as long as possible but it's only getting worse and I can't deal with the consequences any more. It has to happen now. No more putting it off. Sorry to hear of your mother passing, that must have been tough. That is some good advice, maybe I could try those things, I remember reading that in the avrt book.