Hey Kitty..I just caught up with ya now.
And hey, you are not ridiculous but our behaviour sure can get there...especially when fueled by anxiety..which I know all to well :cries3:
I'm going to bet that Mr. sober drummer called a spade when he saw one and likely knew what the score was with you. Pretty sure he will be pretty darn empathetic and will likely extend a hand if asked for one.
I've known a fair number of sober musicians in the work I used to do. And hey, you're a vocalist sista...booze not so good for the voice right : )

A couple months ago I tripped over some information on the internet about a little known singer who had done an amazing vocal on a Long John Baldry album (don't know if you know who he is...was...blues man). I remember hearing the song.."Insane Asylum" bout 20 years ago and being blown away by this chick's voice. When I asked someone in the know about her...they said...ya she's amazing..she was courted by lots of record labels back but she just hits the booze too hard. At any rate, I never forgot her spectacular "sear thru your bones and into your soul" vocal on that song.
The information I accidentally tripped over a few months ago on the internet (not having thought about her in years) was that she was dead...it got her...it really really got her.

Just back from a 4 hour jam - sober as a judge - it really can be done Kitty :)

D

<<< Well its 7:38 am here. I got up at 6:30 to put on some pork ribs for the bands lunch today. I am planning not to drink so hopefully it will be a great day and make up for last time :)

Good Morning Everyone, just thought I would come in and let ya know how it went. Unfortunately I did drink :( But I didnt have one until practice had already started. The drummer and I had a big hug when he got there and practice went really well Yeah !! We only have two more practices until our first gig and I am excited :D
** I talked to him for a minute at break and reminded him that I really want to hear his story of getting sober and he agreed to tell me but we didnt have a chance at the practice. Gonna have to just corner him on FB or something

I'm rooting for you on your journey, Kitty. :) Definitely make the effort to get your drummer to meet up with you and tell you his story. Meet up with him preferably away from band practice so you have plenty of time. Go out for a coffee or lunch. Think of it as taking another step towards sobriety, just like joining SR and so openly and honestly sharing your story with us was a step towards where you want to be.

~~ Tired, just really tired of myself right now **sigh

The advice I get on here is so very powerful and important to me. I hope you all dont just get sick of me falling off the edge. I swear it is in my heart to become sober and take back my health. I just think my mental health is leading the charge to the bottle

I will win......................................... I simply HAVE to

~~~ And you know what ELSE ?? I have not been working on ANY of the furniture or crafting of any kind in the last few days ...... why not ??? The very things that I enjoy and keep my mind off of drinking. WHY ?!?!? Why do I do this to myself ?? I just really dont understand and I know that none of you understand either, its just that this is the ONE and ONLY place that I have to talk about my problems and so ........ BBBAAAHHHHH !!!

I am just so sick of BEING SICK OF MYSELF, I am the common denominator with my problems. My husband is great, my kids are fine. I dont work until I get back to singing next month. The house is great.............. ITS JUST ME !!! I am the big ugly loser in the whole equation. And I have NO RIGHT to be like this............ I just cant stand it !! What's wrong with me ???????????

Kitty, better is better. If you've been drinking tons and can back it down to a few for a while then great. I believe in Harm Reduction and it seems that that is where you are. One breath at a time.

There's nothing wrong with you that not wrong with any of us. Kitty - and beating yourself up only makes it that much more likely you'll drink again.

Make plans - draw up lists of things you can do besides drinking...make a plan for the next band practice so that you will not drink.

Make an effort to contact this drummer dude outside of the jam room so you can have a real discussion.

Look at what recovery meeting options are available in your town, or on the internet.

You can beat this - but only if you fight.
If you're beating yourself up you're beating the wrong guy, y'know?

D

ru12, Thank you so much for that. Honestly I feel so torn since I came here. It is a very slight win to me if I keep myself under control and manage the day so that I am not drunk when I go to bed but since I came here, now I just feel more like a loser everyday. I see intelligent, artistic, compassionate people making it work and helping themselves to a better life and somehow it really helps and hurts all at the same time.

Dee, that is a great idea about making a plan or list. I used to leave myself notes by my bed at night about what I had to get done the next day when my kids were little. Maybe that would help again and give me specific things to focus on so I know how to plan my day, thanks

***** Good News, Bad News.................

Bad news is old...... drinking, yep still :(

Good news.... I had a really good conversation with my hubby tonight. I told him how it made me feel that he so summarily dismissed me when I told him that I was trying to get my drinking under control ..... Me "I am trying to find a way to quit drinking" Him "You have tried to stop before and it didnt work"................... Yuck

Anyway, he really listened to me tonight and He asked what was different right now because he could tell that something was............... I told him all about this site and how I feel like I have a real tool and inspiration to finally fight my problems and learn from the incredible people here and their stories and he was really happy that I had found this place and saw in me that maybe this IS the road that will lead me to where I want to be so desperately ........... So I feel that this time really is leading me to the strength that I need, NOT just because of all of you, but also because I am standing up to the flippant criticism that would have made me give up before. Again and Again I just want to thank you all for your heroic acts of putting your struggles out there for people like me and showing us that this dark and scary road really does lead to redemption and a new and brighter life :)

Kitty,
You seem to want to stop drinking. So, what made you drink tonight? It helped me when I was trying to stop but still drinking to write down my thoughts before drinking. Didn't stop me but I think the act of writing it down did eventually help me to get to the jumping off point.

<<< Hi everyone. I want to apologize for my little freak out when I was on last (drinking, enough said)

** But I am back with great news. I have my first actual DAY 1 !!! Yeah !! LOL

I am very proud of myself for this little accomplishment. Also it is worth noting that I have told my band that I am going to be out as soon as we fulfill our current booked dates. There are 4 and I kinda dread it but I am professional and I will not just cancel them because of my problems. I have been able to start really talking to my drummer about his story and he was a user (not sure what drug) and he goes to AA regularly. It has been great to talk about my problems with him and he agreed that this site will probably help me.

Anyway I am glad to be back and actually have some good news to talk about : D

Way to go on day one. It really is a big step! You don't need to be sorry. That is what we are for. We have all been there. This is a great place to go and the people here are so supportive! I am no on day 10 and I have found this place so helpful.

kitty... you are awesome!!

i was thinking about you today, and i'm so thrilled to read your update. way to go!!

kitty, I didn't read through all the replies here, but I know there are a LOT of musicians in recovery. go on youtube and look for stevie ray vauhgan AA open talk. it is quite inspiring.
there are many,many musicians that got clean and sober- many of them on the brinks of death.
one thing in common with most of them was putting their career on hold while they focused on recovery. once they got a grip on that, they came back better and badder than before.
I remember seein aerosmith back in the early 80's. llove their music but prolly the worst show I ever saw. a few of the members were quite polluted. ted nugent warmed up and blew em off the stage. saw aerosmith a few years ago. awesome show.

great stuff Kitty :)

D

<<< THANKS everyone !!! I am feeling so much more positive and I have started to turn things in my life towards a more positive light.... I am feeling great and I know I have a great shot at a true sober recovery ;)

if ya happen to like steivie ray Vaughan, his last ablbum( prolly called CD's nowadays) was pretty centered around recovery.

Oh yeah tomsteve, of course. Cant be from Texas and not like SRV, LOL I havent listened to that album in years so thanks for the reminder :)