FreeDance

The thought of life without alcohol sometimes feels horrible. Dry. Dead. Painful. Joyless. Flat.

I would love to hear sober, recovering folks' perspectives on that. Are you less creative, less exhilarated, less joyful? How is it different to be sober 24/7 - what makes it NOT a drag?

Inspiration needed. Thanks in advance!

ScottFromWI

Pretty much everything is better sober for me. I am healthier, more alert, sleep better, eat better, and generally feel much better. I spend much more time with my family and friends rather than spending much of the day drinking or drunk. I have more disposable income, don't have to worry about driving drunk, and never have to worry about drinking too much and acting like a fool.

To be quite honest, I can't name one thing that was better when I was drinking.

Soberpotamus

Nope. More creative, more content, more joyful... laugh more, smile more. Feel smarter, and more "together", more productive, and definitely much more excited about life!

Mizzuno

Since removing alcohol from my life I have experienced these things
No more hangovers
Remembering the events of last night
No Puking'
No job loss due to Alcoholism
No remorse
Energy
No shame
Spouse is happy
Able to drive everywhere at any time
No more late night eating
Sleep is sound
Dreams are vivid
Relieved that there are no cravings
No need to escape life
More money
Clear Head
Financial gain
No fighting
Not having to worry if there is alcohol where I am going
Stable emotions
A's in classes
Freedom
There is more. I will have to think about it. My life is not dull. It is not flat. Drinking does not create happiness. It may create a false sense of happiness for the time that you are drinking. There is much more to live for than a bottle.

FreeFall

The thought of life without alcohol is much worse than the experience of life without alcohol.

You'll feel like you have so much more time when you're sober. Your friendships are more genuine. You remember everything and you're not embarrassed about what you remember. Bill collectors will not hound you as much. Your pets will get more quality time with you. You'll appreciate more in your life.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows-I don't have as many silly moments. I'm less creative but only because I'm working on cleaning up the chaos of drinking for years. Once I get things straightened out I'll have time to be creative and I can't wait. Things did feel flat for me the first 3-4 months but now they don't so I think it's a gradual change.

Lyoness

I agree, many changes are gradual. For months I have been fixated on what I can't have, my oxy high, and not on the many things I can have. Like you I thought there couldn't really be any true happiness without opiates. Thankfully I am finally beginning to realize just how untrue that is.

I have better memory and can engage in conversations without having to worry if I am making any sense. I am more present for everything. I am finally beginning to want to know who I am, sober, and that is new and incredible.

And I read a post a little while ago from someone saying how there are so many happinesses and highs that can never be achieved while on drugs/drinking. Highs and joys that are far, far better. And I am finding that to be true. I can feel things that I couldn't feel before and bring me so much more happiness than being wasted ever could.

CharlieNoogan

^^There. Fixed that for ya...

losteverything

When I was drinking, I was not living at all..it was like walking dead in a nightmare. I was confused, scared, incredibly selfish, suicidal, depressed, isolated...doing stupid things, and wanting to never wake up. I was so scared that life would be dull and boring without drinking...it took a few weeks of being sober to realize that the oppositie is in fact true. Drinking is incredibly boring, life is easier sober...

Soberpotamus

Wanted to add one more thing... exhilaration or euphoria from the alcohol... that is not happiness or contentment. Human beings aren't wired to regularly experience euphoria or exhilaration without some form of drug ingested or constantly chasing adrenaline rushes such as jumping off buildings and out of airplanes and such...

Contentment and happiness, those are more subtle. And we experience them as such because of those times in life when there is sadness, disappointment, loss, and even pain... that is how we know what happiness and contentment are, because of the flip side.

wpainterw

I've been sober 25 years and all I can say is that my life has been far more creative, interesting, stimulating, never boring, since I began recovery. The first year or so was a challenge but after that I seemed to get into the rhythm of the thing and never picked up a drink. It's wise to watch carefully for any signs of a relapse. Learn about signs that a relapse may be in the offing. Your brain may be planning sometime in advance to set you up for one. Develop skills to sniff out what your brain is up to. Yes, there are parts of the brain that are definitely not your pal. They want the alcohol to come back, drag you back to the "old ways." Make you think it will be "fun". Don't get suckered into this. It's definitely the opposite of "fun".

W.

Nuudawn

My sobriety is in its infancy...and I've had a stint of sobriety before that wasn't so easy. In the last go, I felt deprived...I was so miserable it was something I HAD to do. When I made the decision to quit drinking 5 weeks ago it was to have a different life. It was a decision for a better way...a real way...to experience life head on as the adventure it is. I'd had enough of the drinking way. I am amused by simpler things these days. I appreciate a warm summer wind and the smell of freshly cut grass. When something makes me laugh...it's a real laugh that actually nourishes my soul. It's not drunken goofiness that is somehow inauthentic. I feel open and alive...I dunno..maybe I'm still on some pink cloud. But I know I feel better about myself...stronger, more courageous...real. I feel like I'm on a quest for the real joy of life... not something I TRY to fabricate. I'm not trying to stimulate a DULL situation. I don't do things I don't want to do anymore..and tolerate them by drinking. I don't spend time with people who actually don't really interest me (that was an eye opener). This is the life I want to live...an authentic one. I think you need to think long and hard about what it is that you think is joyful and exciting about drinking. Discovering who you truly are and what you are truly made of ...is pretty exciting to me.

mecanix

I think i was a bit lifeless for the first 6 months or so of sobriety then it lifted .

I think alcohol changes our brian chemistry and it takes a time period that long, of complete abstinance for it to get to a normal level .

It's why i feel sad for my brothers and sisters who relapse because that can gets kicked furthur down the road .

My music and painting have never been better , there are a lot of small pleasures i've re-discoverd though so life is quite full .

Drinking I was the walking dead , like the king of rohan in the lord of the rings film , now i'm alive again .

Bestwishes, m

BabyJane

For me its not as much about the moment to moment feelings as much as the overall picture. I feel more feelings now than I did before; some of them are happy and joyful and others are sad or just difficult because I no longer have a way to totally numb it out. It's worth it though, for this alcoholic / addict because I had reached a point where drugs and alcohol had turned on me and were no longer there for creative projects, social hours or celebrations. All I got was misery almost everytime I picked up. The consequences were too much and the fun was long over. People who still enjoy drinking most of the time will probably be less motivated to give it up, obviously! But alcoholism is a progressive thing and once you've crossed the line you can't usually go back. You can try, you can keep going until the bitter end, but you won't be able to control or enjoy it anymore. I got desperate enough to sit through some discomfort in search of a new solution; a new way to live. I found it and I'm glad I did because ANY life I have today is better than being half dead and hating who I was. Even on my worst day I don't drink. And on my best day I'm much happier and more appreciative of life than I ever was!

DoubtfulDebs

i'm going to copy/paste something i posted in the secular bit (this isn't specific to any one recovery method):

make a distinction between pleasure, aka 'the high' of drink/drug use, and true happiness.

in my experience and that of other sober people i've met, including a twenty-year AA veteran, happiness and addiction cannot co-exist, BUT, as you may know, pleasure in the form of the high can co-exist perfectly well with soul-wracking guilt, despair, shame and self-hatred.

so be careful how you conceptualise happiness and good feelings, because if it's just pleasure, then probably a heroin binge followed by crack, gin and speed is pretty pleasurable in terms of a chemical high, but it won't make ANYONE truly happy.

also, your question 'How do we find pleasure without drugs?' is another way of your [addiction] saying 'you'll never be happy again without drugs' - be careful about questions like that, ANY question that contains the concept of using, even 'hypothetically' because it's your addiction talking, NOT your better judgement...

--

that's my take on it.

OneLessLonely

Actual life without alcohol is freeing. Everyday is fresh with new opportunity. Unchained. Life is what you make it. It takes a little while but it's worth it.

I used to think life with alcohol made things interesting but now I see that I was actually avoiding life and my only goal day after day after night after night was getting drunk. THAT now seems horrible. Dry. Dead. Painful. Joyless. Flat.

Threshold

I'm and artist and writer and I have not experienced any lessening of my creativity, but I have experienced a boost in my productivity. I used to plan to work on a project, but then feel like crap because I was hungover and then not work on it, or plan to work on it after work, only to come home, drink and then be too tipsy to get anything done. That depressed me more...and of course I had to "medicate" that.

In early sobriety I don't know that I didn't experience happiness but I had a lot of fear and misgivings about life sober and I think that masked a lot of other feelings. When I started to feel better about sobriety some of those other feelings started to come back, but more shocking was that for the first time ever in my life I experienced serenity...I truly had NO idea what that meant, I heard people speak about it, but had no clue what it was. Every now and then I get a little spell of it and it's pretty awesome.

I won't lie, it took some time to learn how to feel things in sobriety without going into a panic, but I kept working my program and that has helped me get past most of the panic.

It's a process.

Crossfitdad

The first few days are rough: boredom, insomnia, pounding heart,maybe a sense of regret for a lost friend and some lack of initiative...also felt spaced out. But after that you start realize that you were trading a night of poison and chemically altering your body for a morning of pain and a day of anxiety and feeling crappy. For me there were more negatives than positives to drinking.

Oh yeah...and it's been 18 days...18 days, really?

MeSoSober

I think this nails it. I think the vast majority of us also dreaded and feared life without alcohol, envisioning it as this endless span of time stretching out ahead of us that we would have to "endure" without booze, without a high. Of course it's incredibly daunting when you think of it that way.

But the cliché rings true in that we don't have the option of living out months, years, or decades at a time. Only a day at a time. And there are a great many interesting and pleasurable and fun and meaningful things one can do to fill that time, none of which involve alcohol.

Also for many of us (myself included), as scary or awful as the prospect of life without alcohol was, the prospect of continuing down the path we were going was much worse. It was the prospect of life without alcohol versus the prospect of not having a life (figuratively or literally or BOTH) at all.

Leshar

Wow, what wonderful, inspirational answers!
I, for one, am getting a great deal of hope from the answers thus far!

FreeDance

Thank you ALL so much!! I especially appreciate the realistic perspective you shared -- that it won't be a joyride at first...

I am inspired to try sobriety again. That old joke, "Quitting smoking is easy -- I've done it a million times!" describes my life with alcohol. I am not sure I can do it, but I'm going to keep trying.