disco22

Well I guess I'll start with hello. I am 22 and when i drink i lose all sense of control. I dont remeber much about the last year or so just a patch here and a patch there. I tried to stop drinking and that lasted a long month or so. But when I started up again it only got worse. I drink to the point i don't remeber any thing about the night or the day or my life. Drinking for me is a get away, but i get away so far I dont know how to get back. I gave up on everything I wanted out of life. I gave up on myself. I just want to be me again and i know with drinking in my life that will never happen. I just don't know how to stop. Its fun. Everyone tells me its a phase, but a phase is a short term thing. This has been going on for the last five years of my life. I just want the thoughts, feelings and urges to end so I can live.

quitforme79

So what's "fun" about it? I too was a black out drinker. I was miserable. I have stayed sober with AA... Have you thought of checking out a meeting? Quitting drinking is the biggest decision I ever made. Also one of the best.

Hevyn

Welcome disco! I think you'll find a lot of help here. This place made a huge difference to me & helped give me the courage to change my life.

When I was 22 I felt the same as you. I wish I'd taken action the way you are! I kept playing with it, trying to control it, until it almost took my life. This never has to happen to you. I'm so glad you reached out. You can do this!

Sally3127

I would encourage you to give AA a try also. It has worked for me. I am almost 6 months sober.

disco22

The fun for me is the first drink...the drink where I can just relax. Everything after that is no longer fun. If I could stop at that one drink I would be happier.

I am looking into meetings. I am just not really sure how it all works. And frankly I am very scared of the whole process. I don't like talking about emotional things or even the things I've don't while drinking. But I feel that might be the only way I will stop this train wreck my life has become. Before some one or myself gets seriously injured because of my problem.

I really appreciate your kind words.

quitforme79

I know what you mean about that first drink... I would drink to achieve that first 15 minutes of fun or relaxation but couldn't stop there. I don't need to explain the bad places it took me too as you already know. I was so scared when I walked into my first meeting but everyone was very welcoming. And you won't be forced to speak. You can just listen. They have beginners meetings which could be a good place to start. I didn't know about them when I first started but still found it helpful. If you can stop now, you will prevent much misery. You aren't alone

least

Welcome to SR! We are here to listen and support you in your quest to get sober. Come here often to read and post. Come here and post if you get cravings to drink. This is a great site.

Soberpotamus

Doesn't sound like it's too much "fun" if you want to stop, want the thoughts, feelings, and urges to end so you can live... that sounds like an addiction.

The people who are telling you this is a phase... might not be addicted, might not have the craving, and might breeze right out of this "phase" unscathed... unless you do something to deal with your addiction, this phase might drag you along for another 10 or 20 years.

And welcome to SR!

disco22

I understand that's why I want to stop I've admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic and am looking into meeting and support. I don't know why I put fun it just came to mind. Im lost and confused and scared. I want to change and I want recovery to work, but I fear falling back into this pattern. I fear being around people who drink while I do this. Hanging out with friends in places we enjoy. I fear not making it through and failing.

CharlieNoogan

This was me. I completely understand where you are coming from.

When I was drinking, I was afraid of examining my emotions because I was scared of what I would uncover about myself. I felt like I knew something was wrong with me but I didn't want to find out what it was.

It turned out that I had lost all spiritual direction in my life. I had turned to alcohol to fill the void that had developed while I distanced myself from my higher power.

I am not preaching religion here, but rather my belief that many of us turn to alcohol and drugs when we feel lost in this world.

I highly recommend finding an A.A. meeting near you and at least checking it out. It can provide you with the tools that you have been lacking in your prior attempts to quit. Check out some of the other recovery methods discussed on this forum too.

You're doing a brave thing by realizing you need to get back on the right track and reaching out here. It shows fortitude and the ability to conquer your fears.

Welcome to SR! This is an awesome resource filled with experience, strength, and hope. Stick around, read, post.

disco22

Thank you so much!!!

CharlieNoogan

You can do this disco! You don't even realize it yet, but you've already completed Step 1 of the 12 Steps. Why not keep going?

We are all pulling for you and are with you on this! Let us know how we can help.

disco22

CharlieNoogan-thank you so much!! Your kind words and support are making this a lot easier for me to handle.

To everyone who posted on this i really appeciate your wisdom and understanding. It's helping me realize that I am a person who with a road block not a weird person with a problem. You all are really helping to put me on the path back to being myself again. Thank you doesn't begin to say how this small experience is making thing larger life chance feel.

Soberpotamus

I apologize if my post came off harsh. And I understand drinking starts out as "fun"... and when I was in college, we all thought it was just a phase too. I definitely didn't think I'd still be drinking into my 30's, and drinking twice as much, and having the consequences I had. So when I see young people in their 20's posting, my heart goes out to you... I was right there once.

It's ok that you are scared, and it's great you want to change! You can do it That's the first step! And you're right to fear being around the people, places and things that can trigger, especially early on. It's best to somehow stay away from them.

disco22

You didn't come off harsh. I sometimes don't think about what I an doing, or saying before I put them out there. That maybe one reason I am where I am now. I don't plain to go near any of that any time soon. I am just figuring out my steps and who I want to be with me while I do. I just don't want to be so nervious and anxious and scared of my next action anymore.

Soberpotamus

Lots of anxiety and depression and mood issues can clear themselves up once you get the alcohol or drug out of the body. So just keep that in mind... you're on the right path. Seek out a recovery program you think will fit you... AA, WFS, SMART, AVRT... lots of choices.

disco22

Thank you!