Unhealthy relationship with alcohol
 

Here goes. I don't think of myself as an alcoholic. I do think I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I think of an alcoholic as a person who gets physical withdrawal symptoms when they don't drink.

I have not experiencied financial, work, relationship or legal problems because of drink. I know i could insert the word YET here. However, alcohol impairs my quality of life and I have many, many reasons not to drink (I wrote down over 60 of them ). I think about alcohol a great deal and before I stopped on 21 June, I drank every evening.

Basically, I am having difficulty believing I will never drink again and I think the main reason for this is that I don't think I am an alcoholic.

I envisage scenarios in the future, such as only drinking socially, only on holiday, only with friends etc.

I have tried and failed to moderate my drinking time and again......Never in the house, only at weekends, never alone, no more than two bottles wine a week, no more than half a bottle a night and so on. Despite this, and a fair length of time due to pregnancy and breast feeding where my alcohol intake was minimal, here I am back to knocking back 50-70 units a week ( til two weeks ago).

What are others views about 'defining' the problem and how this influences how it is viewed and approached?

Its hard to find an exact definition of this.
but from reading what you put i would say this kinda sums it up for me alot also..and i think this is as good an indicator as any to having a problem, or certainly heading that way if dont quit.........
"I have tried and failed to moderate my drinking time and again......"

I myself have done this over and over and over , got to a point (several times) where i know the only way is to think never again...
This time for me health worries are on my side to prevent me from continuing and that coupled with a new child makes me far more concerned about staying around for the years ahead to see him grow up.

Labels aside, if alcohol is causing you problems it's best not to drink. You said you've tried and failed at moderating. Why would it be easier to do that in the future if it's failed many times in the past?


Congrats on two weeks sober and here's hoping you have many more sober days. :)

It's probably pretty normal to start wondering about that and try to categorize it. I have seen a lot of threads about people questioning what kind of drinker they really are. I know I spent some time on that one. It seems to be a lead in to "since I'm not actually an alcoholic it may be possible for me to moderate."
It was the YET that got me too. No one thinks I have a drinking problem. They all think I just overreacted to a situation. I decided it didn't matter that I was not physically addicted because at some point I would be. At some point my loved ones would be begging me to get help. I was the frog.


The boiling frog story is a widespread anecdote describing a frog slowly being boiled alive. The premise is that if a frog is placed in boiling water, it will jump out, but if it is placed in cold water that is slowly heated, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death. The story is often used as a metaphor for the inability or unwillingness of people to react to significant changes that occur gradually.[1] According to contemporary biologists the premise of the story is not literally true; a frog submerged and gradually heated will jump out.[2][3] However, some 19th-century experiments suggested that the underlying premise is true, provided the heating is sufficiently gradual

Congratulations on your upcoming 3 weeks.

You can't quit despite your desire to do so. Problem.

You can't control your drinking despite your desire to do so. Problem.

You have 60 reasons not to drink. Yet you drink. Problem.

Call it whatever you want, the solution is the same.

I thought about this question a fair amount when I realized I had a problem. Basically, I decided that labels don't really matter and all that mattered was that my consumption of alcohol was preventing me from being who I wanted to be and doing things I want to do, as well as helping me do things I later regretted.

Maybe some day I will be able to have a healthy relationship with alcohol, as I also don't really have physical withdrawal symptoms and I think my drinking is more situational than anything else. But right now, and this is a new thing for me as I give sobriety another go, I am only worrying about today. I am not worrying about never drinking again and how much I will miss it and how hard that sounds. I am taking it one day at a time. Its only been a week this time and I really want to know how it feels to have a couple of months sober.

I agree that the label does not matter - binge drinker, alcoholic, alcohol abuser.

For me, the fact that alcohol was making me unhappy and the people I loved unhappy, was enough to stop.

I reached 500 days a few days ago.

I have no craving whatsoever.
Nothing.
No imagining a cold beer on a sunny hot day, a cocktail with the girls, a night cap.

I never thought this would happen.

So I suppose my thoughts now are 'I cannot believe I have got this far and done all I have done without a drink'.

I can't believe my future at the moment, if that makes sense.

I can't believe I will probably not want to drink on my 40th birthday.
I can't believe I will probably not want to drink when my sisters baby arrives.
I can't believe I will probably not want a drink at my company meeting events.
I can't believe that the sight of any alcoholic drink, makes me feel incredibly sick.

I got this feeling though just my taking it no more than one day at a time.
I didn't have to work to get this feeling, it just seemed to happen, the longer I went without a drink.

I wish you the best
xx

Hi Carly,

I can relate a lot to your post. I too didn't think my drinking was that problematic because like you stated, I didn't lose a job, a marriage, a license...yet! I also tried to regulate with zero success. And most importantly I was not happy and it was getting worse. I am currently 2 months into my sobriety and admittedly some days I struggle with the idea of never drinking again, but I have finally realized that I am an alcoholic. My life is so much better sober than it was while I was drinking and when I look ahead into my future I know that alcohol cannot be a part of it.

Like you I never drank when I was pregnant or nursing. I feel like having children just prolonged the inevitable for me- that I am an alcoholic. My kids are now almost 9,7,5 and 3. My drinking really escalated over the last year and it became obvious there was a problem.

Please keep coming back here for support- you aren't alone! Hugs, PG

Hey CarlyGirl, I'm with the SR peeps on this one. Getting hung up on the labels which society creates is confusing and impersonal. I like the fact that you've put together a list of reasons not to drink. It's also a big deal that you are here probing how alcohol is negatively effecting your life and that your drinking cannot be tapered. Sounds like you've started creating a personal inventory of your life and that you want to make some changes. That's the real focus here. Not labels. Are you ready to make a plan to leave alcohol behind? If so this is an invaluable place to help you formulate that plan.
Cheers,
cas

Hi Carly,
Just me but I don't really care about what I call myself or what I don't call myself in that department. I just like myself not drinking better than I do drinking. That's worth not drinking all on it's own. Liking yourself is kind of important.

You'll find out soon enough if you have a problem. We all do one way or another.

Good for you for at least checking it out and asking questions. There is a ton of support here and other places should you choose to decide you want to quit.

A member here once said something along these lines:
If you're an alcoholic, and drinking is causing you problems, you'd better quit drinking.
If you're not an alcoholic, and drinking is causing you problems, you'd better quit drinking.

Doesn't matter to me what I call it. Alcohol has no place in my life.

Thank you so much for all your replies. I expected some sense and wisdom from my fellow SR members and the responses have been so helpful.

Least- the answer to your very obvious point about what would be different about future attempts to control my drinking is - nothing. Something you figured out before me.

Doggonecarl- succinctly put and very memorable. I have a- problem.

Still working on it. Good to have you guys working along side me.

some great advice here Carly :)

D

yeah, off the bat, it seems you are slowly coaxing us to tell you 'stop drinking'.

i experience many benefits when i quit drinking, many!

i heard someone say once, 'a sign of an alcoholic is someone who experiences benefits when they quit drinking'.

someone said that, i found it to be true.

thanks

You arent quite to the level where sobriety will work, in my opinion. For recovery to work, you have to dig deep and be as honest as you can with yourself. It can be unnerving and uncomfortable, but its the only way. Your definition of what is an alcoholic is not exactly right. If booze is something causing you problems or is something that takes up a lot of your time and energy...........then you are an alcoholic. Drinking every night? Alcoholic. There is no shame in admitting it, but its the first step to solving this problem and getting your life back.

I suffered no physical withdrawal when I quit drinking...none that I am aware of. I abused alcohol. I could not moderate. Drinking pretty much became my hobby. I did not drink during the day nor did it affect my work...but my leisure time REVOLVED around alcohol. It was my answer to most questions. Nice life.
Do we need to find absolute proof of alcoholism in order to quit...some people's proof is losing their license, their job, their family, the life of another. Really? Is that the flaming flag we really need to see before we determine it's time?

I always get a little feisty when I see people saying other people aren't 'ready' - none of us can possibly know that of another - much less after a few posts.

Being ready is not always an event - it's a state of mind, surely?

If someone had told me I 'wasn't ready' I would have run with that and drank some more....

Carly - if you want to change - even if it's just a little part of you that wants that right now...fan that spark

this is the place to be - there's a ton of support and wisdom here

D

great post sasha and sums up just how i feel too :)

This quote is spot on. I think the reason we're all here is that it has become obvious that drinking is getting in the way of the lives we know we want to lead.