i believe I am finally ready
 

I finally want it, I want sobriety. I am so tired of what my life has become. I feel so bad when I think of my three year old daughter and that she deserves a better mother. I want my old life back, my health back, my old body back. i want to laugh and dream again.

I have always wanted that but never as much as I wanted to drink. However today I just feel different, I want it more than booze. I sm so tired of drinking.

Is it enough to want it more? Can this be what finally makes it stick?

I hope it sticks for you this time.

I think for many of us, the "switch" finally clicks and our recovery efforts take on a new seriousness. I could tell that there was something different about the last time I quit. And it stuck. What turns the switch may vary, but I think the fundemental change is that we want to be sober more than we want to drink.

Is that enough? Sometimes yes. But too often we repeat the same old things that failed before and we may just be setting ourselves up to fail once again.

It is at least a start. Do you have a sobriety plan in place?

A therapist once told me that sobriety requires walking down a different path, not the same path sans booze. I need to change my life to not white knuckle sobriety. To that end I plan on taking up a few hobbies, get cycling and exercising again. I also plan to focus on the present moment and not woory too much about tommorow and "forever".

I also plan on visiting here alot and looking into AVRT.

Dont know if its enough but thats my plan today.

Try to never let the desire to drink overcome the desire to stay sober again. If you do this then you should be able to stay sober. It's not easy though. You go through times when cravings gets strong etc.. I hope you stick with it. Sobriety is way better than drinking. Drinking is way overrated.

Yes, wanted to stay sober more than you want to drink is a good start.

If you need help, ask for it. Seek out the organizations in your community which can help you.

And focus on the life you want as much as you can. Create a positive thought you can tell yourself whenever the desire to drink comes up...

"...my three year old daughter and that she deserves a better mother."

Look at yourself through your daughter's eyes. Look at yourself as your own child...would you want your daughter to live your life? Be a role model, for her. Show her how strong you really are, because if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of her.

And one more thing...less than a month ago I found myself in a hospital room, hugging and consoling a 13 yo girl as she said goodbye to her mother for the last time after the doctors could not correct the kidney and liver failure from years of drinking.

Please, do not put your daughter through that.

Yes, having something positive to turn to and focus on helps distract you from the thoughts which you do not want. Keep your thoughts positive and keep doing things which put you in the right direction.

Thanks, that is very good motivation!

Being honest with yourself is a big first step. Being honest with others is a next big step. Grab this moment and hold on tighter than you have ever wanted to have something in your life. Make a plan and stick to it. You will find a ton of great advice here at SR.

When I wanted it bad enough I went to AA and it worked

As stated being honest with yourself is a big start. Not picking up the first drink is the goal for getting sober. I've been in AA for a long time and agree with the premise that we must change the way we process lifes ups and downs along with our character defects of handling our feelings including fear, anger, resentments, insecurity loneliness and other characteristics that lead us to drink. It's worthwhile work especially as a parent we teach so much by example. BE WELL

I'm glad you want sobriety badly. It's hard work. And your therapist is right. Stopping drinking is step one, and that's when the hard work begins. I had to face so many things I had spent a lifetime running from. I had to accept my faults, my weaknesses, but I also learned about my strengths. For me, recovery is about balance in life, and I hope that you can find a path that works for you.

:)
 

smiles to you... it was a mistake i made w/my children that brought me to my day 1 of sobriety.... and i'm telling you this b/c i don't want you to go thru that. I went to my first aa mtg that day and one of the long-timers told me that i was lucky i had just made mistakes and had not just lost them all-together... they are very happy i made the choice to stop.... kids are so intelligent, they knew much more than i thought they did. They say that you should not do this for your children but that was my first reason.....as the months go by I realize that I am doing this for me.... w/out having me back, i wouldnt have them! Good Luck, and hang on to ANY positivity, whatever it may be.....thanks for sharing

Thanks everyone for the support. Today has been just terrible, bad hangover and full of remorse. Hoping for a good sleep and a better tommorow.

I think wanting it more is a part of it. Having a plan was, at least for me, a big part of becoming sober. Each person's plan may differ because, well, everyone is different.

Take what you can learn from this hangover and use it in the future. At one point I made a list of the things I hoped to gain through sobriety. Number one was "No More Hangovers". In the evenings when that urge pops up I think "I don't want a hangover". It has gotten me to bed sober quite often.

Hang in there. Keep posting! Don't give up on yourself or your wonderful daughter.

Avra; Hang in there! Im two days straight without alcohol after drinking myself sick and missing another Monday from work like i usually do from going in all weekend long. I also need a plan as i do the same thing every weekend that get's me to start drinking. Life has to be much better sober. Peace be unto you

So my house guest just brought back a big bottle of wine from the store. He is sitting here drinking it and I dont even feel tempted. I know there will be tough times ahead but tonight I feel no desire for it.

Avra...that's pretty much how I felt the day I decided to end my drinking. And it really did feel like a decision rather than being backed into a corner. I wanted more from life than what I was doing with it. I wanted sobriety. I wanted what it had to offer. I wanted to learn who I truly was without the booze. I wanted a sober experience of life. I wanted to know what it was like to navigate through life, as so many do comfortably, without getting hammered most every night. I'm only 5 weeks in ..and so far it's been really lovely. Yes, there are difficult days..but there were probably a lot more of them when I was drinking.
I was pretty scared about that navigating..so I made a list of all the things I could do instead of drinking if the desire overwhelmed, I could refer to it. I also told myself I would go to an AA meeting (I've done that route before and didn't really want to again)..but I told myself I would go if I was overwhelmed with a crave. I pretty much felt like I was open to trying anything ..not to drink. I haven't had to refer to my list...nor go to an AA meeting. I read/post ALOT here at SR. I have a therapist I see by-weekly. I read a lot of info on addiction and spirituality. I dunno..it's been a whole lot easier than I thought. Big thing is...I don't feel DEPRIVED. I don't feel like I 'missing out" on anything...quite the contrary. I feel like drinkers are the ones missing out...on life..the real experience of it. I'm really enjoying sobriety so far. I'm done poisoning my brain and soul.....I want to live. I actually want to live much more now...than when I was drinking.

So here I am four months later and no better off. Its crazy that despite what was a real desire to change my life back in July, I did nothing. Like then, I am now again hungover and full of remorse, with a determination to change my life. But, four months from now I don't want to be back here again in the same position. I need to do something different. I don't know what that is, but I want to hang on to the determination I have right now. I am at a loss on how to do that...

Hi again Avra - welcome back :)

apart from looking into AVRT, what else did you do?
maybe thinking about what you could add this time is a good start?

D