Was doing well ... now back to my old tricks :-(
 

Hi, I have not posted for a bit as I was doing really well - a work trip away (sober) followed by extended period of time at home sober ... and then I blew it last week over the usual trigger that has sent me into relapse many times now .. my son's ADHD and a confrontation over something - can't remember what - computer games probably ... so then followed a week of too much wine. But then (starting this last weekend) followed another worktrip (I am abroad in Africa right now). I am usually OK when I am away and manage to remain abstinent, feel better and this (feeling abstinent and feeling better) often now carries on when I get home. However last nigh I thought, ' oh I've worked hard today- one gin and tonic won't hurt ... and you know the story (2 gins and five glasses of room service wine later). I am furious with myself, feel tired and anxious (slept appallingly and had vivid drinking dreams for good measure). So off to work today (intervieweeing project people in the blazing sun) .. back to the same hotel tonight. I need a plan guys for now, the rest of my trip and the rest of my life. Let's deal with the short term first - how to avoid drinking during this trip ? I have noticed there is a pool, a gym and a beauty salon .. so maybe I'll hit one of those tonight. I was not even triggered by my son's behaviour ... so I am extra furious .. but I also need a plan for that as my drinking is not going to make his ADHD go away ..
So please stick with me folks.. I need your support. I'll check in later.
xx

I have a son who is autistic. Every time he ruined our family night, our vacation, etc. with his obsessions I would drink. Actually my wife and I would drink. It's so very hard to keep it together when your child is out of control. You expend so much emotional energy into dealing with it that you have little good energy left for yourself. I always wanted my family to be well and when I couldn't do that I would retreat to mind altering chemicals ... but mostly alcohol. I totally sympathize with what you're going through. It's so very hard to deal with a child with a disability. Try to be good to yourself. Carve out some time for you. Above all be strong and be proud of yourself for all the good things you do every day. Keep posting!

Hi Bruce, thanks for your reply .. so how did you break the cycle of hitting the bottle when his behaviour got to you ...?? I have identified it as my main trigger (though stop short of 'blaming' my son whom I love with all my heart). But it is very difficult .. When these episodes happen I need to stand back and let us both calm down and do something else - I have taken to going on bike rides when I can feel the tension rising .. But I'd appreciate any top tips from you ..These autistic/autistic spectrum behaviours can try the patience of saint !

But my immediate problems is ironically not that .. I am 1000s of miles away from home and my son and so have NO EXCUSE WHATSOEVER..!!
I'll check in to SR later (it is the beginning of the day here). I am determined to stay sober today and need your help please.
Take care Bruce and, once again, thank you for replying.

"Was doing well...so haven't posted in awhile". I can't help but wonder if the two are connected. Someone posted some wonderful information to me the other day about Recovery...and there was something about keeping "mooring lines" connected. I really think there is something to that. We have to keep connected with our sobriety I think. Many do that with AA. I'm not utilizing AA but I know I have SR..and I know that even that is just a piece of this sobriety puzzle.
I'm sorry you slipped...but ya know..I think there really is something to "staying connected" and know that we can lose it not just in a bad day..but a bad moment.

Glad you're back.

I travel a lot as well for work mostly in Eastern Europe. It can almost be worse because you're not there to deal with the problems at home and nobody is watching ... the hotel bar becomes an attractive notion.

When my son was young I didn't drink. It wasn't until later when he became a teenager and *totally* out of control that my drinking started. He's been living on his own (a minor miracle) for some time now but I kept on drinking ... because I'm an alcoholic I guess. How did I quit this time? With a lot of help. This site has been wonderful. I've been practicing mediation through the local university hospital, and through the support of my those (I've finally learned) who love me.

It's easy to say that my son was the root cause of my drinking. That's not really true. I drank to escape ... to quiet the mind and to shut off the negative information my mind kept feeding me.

Thank you for your post. It has helped me a great deal to get this out.

when i travelled a lot for work my drinking would get worse. airport bars, tax-free shopping, room service drinks on my per diem..

i miss the opportunity to travel now i don't work, but i don't miss how chaotic my drinking made it.

It is the ability to overcome the want/need for a drink regardless of occurrences or actions by others that will enable us to lead a sober life.
Often life sucks but it doesn't improve by numbing it with substance abuse. We need to stay strong :)

Hi. In all the thousands of AA meetings I've attended I don't recall one person say "after I drank again my problems had gone away." When we stop drinking life continues, good and bad. "Normal" people deal with them without escaping with a drug. This is what I call recovery, not just putting down the drug of choice, that's simple. Recovery is the part many people are afraid of when AA is mentioned because it involves digging beyond the tip which is alcohol. It would be folly to think that just stopping drinking solves our problems because when we look in the mirror there's the problem to be fixed and most people don't like that fact. BE WELL

My daughter has Asperger's (so does my mother), and it is one of my main triggers as well. The thing is, once you let one trigger go, then they all go. First you drink because of your child, then you drink because you're bored, then you drink because it's wednesday...

So you slipped up. It's okay! Get to the hotel gym, that's a great start.

When I'm frustrated, angry, sad, whatever and I really feel like drinking, I've noticed it helps for me to listen to music turned up WAY loud on headphones--sometimes I even dance like a fool and get all that yucky energy out!

Alcoholism is but a symptom. I not believe this until I started on my recovery journey. I know now this to be 100% true

Thank you for posting this. I believe this to be true for myself as well. I have triplet sons that are 15. One has autism and one has ADHD. Quite different disorders with equally frustrating behaviors. I often used my situation as a reason/excuse/trigger to drink, but its not. Not a valid one anyway. It's been several years since I quit drinking, and it is so much easier to deal with the behaviors than it ever was when I was drinking.

Alcohol makes hard things harder.

As far as quitting, I decided that no matter what I was not going to drink. No matter what. I found out a couple of years after quitting that people use a technique called AVRT. You might research it and see if you find it helpful. There are several threads in the secular section of SR.

Sounds like alcohol you say is your escape, which means you are trying to feel good... in essence it's the opposite.... feeling good is the opposite... let the feelings fly, feeeeel them, and then you'll know what true escape feels like... serenity ty for posting

Sorry you slipped. It's such a hard struggle, but welcome back....you can do this!